93 days hardmode (a short report)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by monkotto, Oct 15, 2014.

  1. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    hi fapstronauts,

    here is a short report of my abstinence so far...

    i had 6 wet dreams during 93 days hardmode. the last week was the hardest week for me. i have strong cramps in my head but i am still fighting. i dont want to relapse. my first goal is 115 days hardmode.

    what changed so far?

    - social anxiety is totally vanished
    - body is in good shape like never before
    - realized how incredible sex and pornaddicted i am

    problems?

    my main problem is that i have no sexual release any more (no girlfriend). so there is a very strong pressure in my head. i have to handle this pressure somehow. no matter what i do (sports or meditation) the pressure is always there.

    insight?

    with the help of this website i was able to recognize that i am heavily sexaddicted - thanks nofap. this is an addiction so there must be a way to cure it. in my opinion it is all about willpower. the power to say no - even if it is sometimes indescribable hard. i am 36 years old and this is my hardest fight so far.

    to all warriors in this forum - good luck and be strong! :)


    edit:
    without this abstinence i would have fapped about 190 times and i would have visited about 15 prostitutes in 93 days.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2014
  2. napionder

    napionder Fapstronaut

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    Great job! You must have saved a lot of money from not going to prostitutes.

    As for the pressure in your head due to no sexual release. I have this too (i describe them as headaches, but they are different from normal headaches).

    There are people who say that sexual energy can be released in two ways: through sex (or masturbation), or through creativity. So, about a week ago i started to learn how to draw. I have never done anything creative in my life, so this is completely new to me. I suck a drawing, but strangely I enjoy it very much. It's very meditative and the headaches have started to become less intense and they don't come every day anymore.

    I can't say for sure if the headaches got less because I started to do something creative, but I'm definitely going to continue drawing.

    Maybe give it a try and see if it changes the pressure in your head. It doesn't have to be drawing, it can be anything creative: making music, painting, ....

    If you want to learn more about this, just google 'sexual energy creativity'
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2014
  3. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the tip napionder.

    about three months ago i started playing guitar. that makes me calm. some sort of therapy.

    i want to develop that. maybe i can play in a band anytime in future. this would also be a good social activity.


    edit:
    right i saved money. maybe i can buy an electric guitar. i was a windowshopper in front of a guitarshop for a long time now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2014
  4. CL555

    CL555 Fapstronaut

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    Well done on your 93 days, seeing the amount of money and time you've saved by avoiding PMO and prostitutes must feel very rewarding! Use this success to drive you forward in your NoFap journey!Good luck on reaching 115 days and beyond!
     
  5. OSU32

    OSU32 Guest

    Grats! don't get cocky. We all can fall into that hole.

    Now that you have 93 days - help others that have less. If we get help here, we should give back here. At least that's my thought.
     
  6. ADC

    ADC Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations monkotto ! I'm getting close to 93 days too and must admit this is a hard fight. Hard but not impossible ! Let's keep it going ! :)
     
  7. alchemist2014

    alchemist2014 Fapstronaut

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    Nice post!. I have a question: you don't have a girlfriend because you don't want to, or because you can't find one?
     
  8. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    good question. of course i want one. somehow i lost the connection to normal girls. since ten years i am visiting prostitutes and watching porn. i lost the ability to build up a normal relationship.

    before this addiction i had some girlfriends - i felt good and comfortable around "normal" girls.

    i have to build up new connections to normal girls. i have to learn again how to be a usual guy. how usual feelings in a relationship are.

    the biggest problem in my case is the objectifying of women. no matter how i must change this mindset. i hope this is possible.
     
  9. Dogwood

    Dogwood Fapstronaut

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  10. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the hint dogwood.
     
  11. alchemist2014

    alchemist2014 Fapstronaut

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    off course is possible. I wish you the best man!.
     
  12. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Monkotto - great job in finding the inner strength and courage to make it this far in your nofap journey! On the objectification of women, I think it is something that comes when we constantly use porn and prostitutes. I suggest trying out a few minutes of being mindful, especially when you start the objectification. We have sexual needs, emotional needs, social needs, and so many other needs that can all be met within a loving relationship. Then why do we pursue PMO and other destructive behaviors? The answer is very complex, but simply being mindful can be a huge asset in simply seeing the behavior as a pattern, and not as a part of your identity. In other words, I suggest simply focusing on your breath each time you find yourself objectifying women, and seeing what happens. Cheers!
     
  13. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    thats it anthrope. in my case i did this for nearly ten years. now for me women are objects created for utilize. there are only a few women around me which i dont see as objects.

    i lost many positive feelings and good behavior patterns towards girls/women.

    like a small child who learns to walk - i have to learn to be "normal" again. i am sure this needs plenty of time.

    good luck on your journey.
     
  14. Jasonwolf

    Jasonwolf Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for sharing! It's inspiring and helpful.
     
  15. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Thanks monkotto! We're all in that same boat. I am learning to walk like a small child again, and it feels both disorienting and exciting. It is a brave new world for us out there.
     
  16. meditationcushion

    meditationcushion Fapstronaut

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    I'm focused on objectifying women less, too. For me I'm trying to read a lot of feminist books, in addition to the NoFap, to try to help change my views. I just missed a day of reading, but usually I've been reading stuff everyday to feed my mind in a healthy direction. I can't say yet whether it'll "work" long-term, but I bet it won't hurt! I'm learning a lot about how to be better to women. In case you're interested, here's a PDF for a book called "Refusing to be a Man" which I've found helpful. There's a chapter specifically about "Sexual Objectification and Male Supremacy." Good luck and strength to you!
     
  17. tune345

    tune345 Fapstronaut

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    it's all worth it ...keep going
     
  18. bribal

    bribal Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations monkotto !!!! Great job on reaching 93 day and thank you for sharing. I am in a similar boat and it is nice to see that you made it over 90 days.
     
  19. chunique

    chunique Fapstronaut

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    to all warriors in this forum - good luck and be strong!
     
  20. monkotto

    monkotto Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the hint.

    thanks for the support guys.

    i relapsed after 104 days - but the fight goes on.

    i am on the second journey now.

    excessive porn watching has destroyed my brain - with every single "clean" day i can see the damage better. my whole personality was influenced by porn - i was an obsessive slave. for sure i was (or i am) ill. never thought (in the beginning) that porn will be something so extrem destructive in my life.

    so keep on fighting! :cool:
     

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