90 Was Easy, but now...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Ogikubo, May 14, 2019.

  1. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    I was so proud when I hit 90 days, but even then I could feel something not working for me anymore. I couldn't get to 100 days, and I have slipped twice recently. And yesterday I masturbated twice, one as a response to some images I'd just watched, and then again (who cared then?) to a bit of a video.
    I seem to be my own biggest enemy in this, not the porn, and not the access. It's not like I am dumb and cannot see what's happening around myself. I see it.
    I do understand that failing and getting back up is part of the process. But any of those feelings of intense focus and determination have long gone - enjoy them while they last!
    I'm curious to hear from those who've done 90, fucked up, and got back in the game and did more than 90.
    I do understand that counting the days can be counterproductive and not necessarily where one should be putting one's thinking. However, we must admit certain milestones do bring confidence, and of course, challenges.
    Cheers to all for responding or just reading.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
  2. Eleanor

    Eleanor Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    I feel the same. Almost no motivation since I ruined my 98 streak. I hope someone has any idea in how to recover it :(
     
  3. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

    928
    2,609
    123
    I haven't gone through what you did, but I can tell you from my standpoint that 90 days most certainly isn't the end. Sadly, it often seems like there isn't any clear end, that this situation is and always will be one of our greatest life-challenges. You may eventually hit a stride where urges don't even make you blink and you simply shrug them off, but I believe we'll always have to maintain some level of vigilance.
    And that's what I basically try to keep in mind - that milestones are great and all, but I need to continue pushing forward.
     
    miXhal, Nexus7, alfianlight and 2 others like this.
  4. starsky2

    starsky2 Fapstronaut

    92
    210
    33
    Fantastic achievement mate.
     
  5. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    I appreciate that. It was a big deal for me.
    Maybe the one good thing is that I do a lot of thinking when I fail now, whereas before I barely even considered it an issue.
     
    Cool I Can Use Spaces and Hros like this.
  6. starsky2

    starsky2 Fapstronaut

    92
    210
    33
    Yes I’ve come a long way too but can’t get rid of certain obsessions
     
  7. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    I think you are right in pointing out there isn't any clear end. It is so frustrating how wanting to masturbate to porn can occupy so much of your mind - morning to night - when you are trying to quit. Personally, I think I got really lazy and was the #1 factor in making myself slip. But I also know I can be the #1 factor in not quitting. Thanks and keep up your great work.
     
    Cool I Can Use Spaces and Hros like this.
  8. starsky2

    starsky2 Fapstronaut

    92
    210
    33
    You too mate one day we shall get there
     
  9. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    You know it’s my first time counting my quit streak... so feel to discount my impressions as your conscience dictAtes. In reading the threads from some SO on here in nofap their expectations are that their husbands ought never fail.... ever.

    I cringe at any unrealistic expectation. I feel like they pressure failures to happen by merely hyping it up.
     
  10. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    I agree - but I did not feel it was unrealistic. Reality has other ideas, so I need to get off my ass and work harder.
     
  11. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

    37
    89
    33
    I went almost five months no-PMO then in January 2019 relapsed, crashed hard.

    It was devastating. My emotions were all out of wack, it seemed like I just couldn’t stay away from the porn.

    I was so discouraged I even deleted my account here. Obviously I’m back now.

    There are two big things that had happened during those months clean that are the reasons I’m finally back on track.

    1. I had gotten a good taste of what it felt like to be porn free and I liked it. I wanted to go back to that state.

    2. I had been going to SAA regular and volunteered to lead the meeting for a six month period. I HAD to be at the meetings. If it weren’t for that I would have ran and hid and never gone to SAA again, I was so embarrassed by my relapse. The men at the meeting treated me like they did as if I hadn’t relapsed. Also they were open about their struggles. We all accept each other as we are. We encourage each other.

    I kept trying and trying to get back on track. Today I’m finally back to one month free of PMO and my mindset is back to what it was at the start of those four plus months I had before. I don’t want to P and M and I want my next O to be with a real human being.

    It’s still a battle and the urges still come but my resolve to resist is once again strong.

    So my advice is to keep trying. Keep getting up after each stumble. Keep at it until the resolve is once again built back up to what it was before.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
    Ogikubo, Hros and starsky2 like this.
  12. SoberSquirrel

    SoberSquirrel Fapstronaut

    42
    44
    18
    I fell from 800 days of not watching p last year. What keeps me going is that I don't M and O to porn like how I used to, at least once or twice every day. Watching isn't good either but it's still better than before.
     
    Cantspeakenglish and Ogikubo like this.
  13. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    800 days is amazing.
     
  14. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Just when I was feeling good about my streak... this guy just nonchalantly is like....”bro, I was doing 10,000 days and I got bored, like now what ? Self-absorption ?? Molt? Detach my tail-bone?. Gonna restart ....”

    Lol. Yeah.
     
    Ogikubo likes this.
  15. SoberSquirrel

    SoberSquirrel Fapstronaut

    42
    44
    18
    Yes but even after that many days, you aren't invicible and you can fall back if you're not careful. Keep that in mind :) It's been a long way since I first realized I had a problem and started trying to quit.

    Like you, I also relapsed many times.. after 30 days, 90 days. I remember I was stuck in the one-week loop for a long time. I couldn't get further than a week. I kept on trying, trying until I got very far.
    I've always been told "Rome wasn't built in one day".
    If it doesn't work right away, just don't let go, it will work, just give it some time, trust me!
     
    need4realchg and Targaryenn like this.
  16. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    615
    561
    93
    I can agree with this. I made it to 210 or so, and then I slipped up and then binged for a few days until I was able to realize what I was going and have the drive to start over again. I’m worried the challenge will never really end
     
  17. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    I must commend you on hitting 210 days. I hate to admit it, but I do not think the challenge will ever end. What will change, and this requires work, hope, and optimism, is that we will be able to deal with it, and our experience in dealing with it will make us stronger and better people. I really want to make it to a solid year, but not to look back and say how much I accomplished, but to look forward and think about the things I still want to do and be. I am glad this site exists, otherwise I would feel a lot more lonely about this addiction. We all need to work together and support each other.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  18. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    615
    561
    93
    Thank you man!! To be honest it did get easier, to not look at P. But what broke me was summer time, going on vacation and having a condo on the beach. Women walking around everywhere in bikinis, some even barely there bikinis, I was not strong enough for that. I lost focus and was like a bug to a bug zapper.

    I think your right. It will be a battle until we die. It might not be as intense, but it’s always there ready to be woken.
     
    Ogikubo likes this.
  19. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

    198
    262
    63
    Well, if I can post something with a mild sense of humor, if we are going to M, we might as well have fantasies about real women than that stuff on a screen!
     
  20. Mr.Chips

    Mr.Chips Fapstronaut

    425
    6,271
    123
    If you fall at 90, then stick to 90s, eventually you will break it
     
    Ogikubo likes this.

Share This Page