90 Days - JOIN ME

Today is a brutal day. I had 32 days in until today. Over the summer, I got up to 70 days.

I have done the research, viewed the articles, watched the TED talk. All powerful stuff until that day comes when you just don't care. That day where everything that could go wrong, does go wrong.

That was my day today. And I pathetically used it as an excuse to fap.

Here are some fast facts about me:

• I have an inability to concentrate.
• I get depressed on occasion for no rhyme or reason.
• I have OCD when it comes to some things.
• I binge eat sometimes.
• I buy impulsively.
• I lack discipline.
• I can't form a new habit to save my life.
• I start projects and a lot of the time, never finish, or take forever.
• I am forgetful.
• I can't stay focused on anything for more than 30 minutes.
• I hate myself sometimes.
• I am disgusted with myself sometimes.
• I am ashamed of myself sometimes.
• I am tired of feeling this way.

All of the above frustrates me beyond belief. For years, as I fapped my life away, I pondered the origin of all these nuisances. Only to find out fapping, while perhaps not the direct source of it all, is a huge contributor.

Today is a new day. Now is a new moment. There is hope. I know I can reverse all of the above. I know that I WILL reverse all of the above.

People always say they had that "moment" that "changed their lives forever". For me that moment is realizing all of the stuff that is wrong with me mentally has a root cause - fapping - and I need to stop it now so I can live my life to my full potential.

I will check this thread often and will update on my progress. I hope there are some out there who will join me. Let's get through this together and make one of the greatest Christmas gifts (or whatever holiday you may celebrate) 90 days of no fapping.

For me, I'm going hard mode. Join me. If you can't go hard mode, then just stay away from p for 90 days. Let's start this journey together and support one another to get to where is best.

 

Up until this point, I figured I could just avoid websites by just sheer willpower and discipline. Tonight, I surrendered to the fact that is not possible - so I did two things:

1. I told a family member about my problem - someone I completely trust. It was a hard conversation and surprising (for them), but it had to be done. Living behind an alias helps, but being authentic (when possible of course) with face-to-face conversation adds more accountability. Thing is, I already had this conversation BEFORE my relapse tonight!

2. Knowing I had their full support for me to overcome this addiction (it was surprisingly easy), tonight, after my relapse, I installed K-9 on my PC. I quickly learned that I can just disable it using a password I provide (pointless!).

To make sure I don't get into a situation where I disable the controls, I went to a strong password generator site, created a difficult password, set K-9 to use that password, and then copied and pasted it in an email to my support person, sent it off and deleted any record of that password on my PC except in K-9.

Now, for the first time since I have used nofap.com and attempted this challenge, my biggest trigger (my PC), has been ELIMINATED. I guess I DO have some willpower in me after all! This time, beyond all of the other times I've tried this challenge - this one... is different. I feel it.

Folks, for the first time, I believe in myself.

 

I woke up this morning and I feel amazing. For me, I expect the next couple of weeks to be a breeze (they usually are) but that one day where everything goes to crap will rear its ugly head. I am ready for that to happen. I have no way of accessing p without my PC. Instead of figuring out how I'll do it, I just have to accept I can't. At least that's what I'll be feeding my brain!

Have a great day, folks!

 

@cTx and @staraimer thank you for joining me - let's all keep each other updated on our progress.

 

Had a strong day, feeling optimistic. I hope all of you are as well. Cheers to getting through day 1.

 

It is a process for sure. There will be hard days. I've had days where I had to lay in bed an sit on my hands to get through the urge.

Your brain wants its dopamine and it will do whatever it can to rationalize fapping. Try to remove your triggers. Install K-9 on your PC, your devices, do whatever you need to do. Focus on winning. If you've never gone more than a week, then focus on getting to 7 days, then go from there.

This is going to be a long gruelling marathon but we all have it in us to succeed. Have a good day everyone.

 

Feeling good again today.

Yesterday, I told my spouse all about my addiction. I was pretty nervous because I'm not the type of guy who likes to be vulnerable. It was a surprisingly easy conversation. She now is the password and email holder for K-9, so I'm definitely not going to be getting any p on this PC, which like I've said, is all I have to watch it on. Those weak moments where I don't care... I'll just have to deal with it now.

Have a great day everyone.

 

I'm glad you're here and that we can all support each other. This requires focus and undivided attention. As I'm sure you saw, half assing it means you won't get it done. I kind of half assed it too until I started again 3 days ago. By talking about it openly with my spouse and surrendering to the fact that I cannot be trusted to stay away from porn when I am alone, I was able to "cross the commit line", install K-9 and let my spouse have complete control over it.

Surrendering to the fact that, despite our greatest intentions, realistically, we can't be trusted to disregard opportunities when they present themselves, or a huge trigger slaps us in the face and takes us off guard. I find there's a window of a couple of days where we are damned and determined to NEVER watch porn again. It is during that time where we need to eliminate all of the triggers and if that's no possible, then come up with a plan to deal with them when the arise.

If we are not prepared for battle, we can never win. Are there triggers or situations you are 'trusting yourself' to handle? For instance, you're home alone, it's a great day and your not thinking of p, you will have no issues staying away from it. But, if you have a really bad day and/or a trigger hits, you won't be in the same positive frame of mind and before you know it, you could find yourself rebooting again. Do you have a plan?

If there's one thing I've learned from relapsing after 70 days, it's that I never want anyone else to go through that, and it's that we need to commit completely to eliminating our triggers and have a plan!

Stay strong! ONE DAY AT A TIME

 

It's 100% normal to have wet dreams. You will have more of them. Do not be disappointed - you have absolutely zero control of your dreams. I think of it as your brain is craving porn so badly that it manifests wet dreams in as a way of trying to get what it's looking for.

You have to remember that if you've watched a lot of porn, then you have rewired your brain. Your brain now relies on regular hits of dopamine and delta-fosB. As your brain is forced to adjust to its new lifestyle, it will try to do anything to get you to slip up. It's the habit cycle. Your brain wants the reward.

Don't let wet dreams bring you down. If anything, look at it as a positive development, it means your brain is working it out of its system. Keep up the good work and don't give up! Only worry or be disappointed with what you have control over.

Hope you're all having a great day!

 

Keep it going guys!

I'm off to a sluggish start today. I have a lot going on at work that I'm trying to deal with and I just feel down today. I know it's part of the process so I'll manage.

@Whydidyoudothat - focus on one day. Get one day in, then make your goal a week, then two weeks, then a month, and so on.

Forget about the 90 days. Take it one day at a time. If you really want this, you can do it!

Have a great day folks.