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90 day PMO or edging

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ryan Veitch, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Safa. I woke up today terrified that I was somehow no longer attracted to women and that I need to 'test' this to make sure. I know that it is the addiction talking but the absence of the regular porn induced erections makes it feel like I am never going to have one again. But I made it through and I will keep going.
     
    safa61947 likes this.
  2. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    I hear you Toxin. That's where I am. I feel completely flat. Even terrified that I might have turned asexual. I know it's not true because when my mind wanders even a bit, it's women that it goes running to. It's just that my mind has been forcibly tied down for so long after expecting orgasms on tap. It's still readjusting.
     
  3. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    That’s what I was going through the first few months but don’t worry. That’s the way we eventually are going to have to deal with like normal men do. You have your urges and either satisfy them and get a girlfriend or nothing then...
     
    Ryan Veitch likes this.
  4. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, BigOne. How long did it last for you? The flatline feeling I mean.
     
  5. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    Well this answers my question then...on Feb 16th that was my Day 1 of this journey, and from Day 1 til Day 8(being this passed Saturday and relapsed) I felt exactly like you......no desire, no urges, no erections, no morning woods, no nothing....as much as I was happy with how easy it was to make it as far as I did, I was still depressed and wondering if I will ever get a sexual urge again or an erection.....so this is the dreaded flatline then??if so I hope it doesn't last long. Oh Im on day 2 and still feeling like this.
     
    Ryan Veitch likes this.
  6. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    You just have to ride it out. Keep yourself as busy as possible and try to avoid staying inside anywhere. In my experience, the demon always rages hardest in the first couple of weeks before suddenly going silent (the dreaded flatline). However it's still hanging around the edges, trying to tempt you more subtly.
     
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  7. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    That's no problem, cause I'm pretty sure I'm in the dreaded flatline :(
     
  8. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    I very nearly slipped today. Work has been stressful of late so I took a day off today. Not the best of decisions. I needed the rest but I basically spent a completely useless day, playing games and lying around the house. And now I feel guilty. Worse, I nearly slipped and edged. Pulling back felt like I was reining in a bull.
    I think I can fight the porn battle successfully but I have realized that there are two more battles I also need to fight at the same time. The first is the need to constantly distract myself. I watch random videos, read online articles, basically spend time browsing online with no real value returned for the time invested. Nothing useful learned, just going from one thing to another for no reason whatsoever.
    The second battle is with my sleep cycle. As I write this, I should be preparing for bed but instead I am wide awake. In the old days, I would put myself to sleep by conjuring up one of my fantasies. Since that option is now closed, I try to visualize other things. Fitness goals, money goals etc. but it only works some times. I feel pent up, overflowing with decisions not yet taken, dithering on matters I should have already decided on. Hard to tell if this is the result of lack of sleep or if it's fueling the lack of sleep.
    Bottom line, I feel exhausted. Fighting and fighting with no end in sight or any noticeable progress. Sorry for being such a downer but putting these words down makes me feel better.
     
    Tiger1 likes this.
  9. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    So glad that you didn't replapsed !!! Keep on going.
     
  10. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    And you, Tiger. One day at a time.
     
  11. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    Yeah one day at a time thx.....I feel really down.
     
  12. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Any reason why?
     
  13. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I really don't know why I've been feeling down as of late...but if I remember correctly I know myself the first few days of not masturbating, orgasm and looking at porn is when I feel depress but not this long....I'm been on this journey taking it seriously for 14 days and relapse 1 of the days so 1-13.

    How did you feel at the beginning?
     
  14. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    It took it's time to manifest. I recognized it around the 20 day mark but I realized it had been creeping up on me bit by bit. I can tolerate the lack of porn pretty easily as I have done it before a few times now but not being able to edge is really taking a toll. Although I guess that shows just how deep the addiction is and why I need to get out of it.
    Myself, I don't believe porn in itself is evil. The rot sets in when it becomes a habit that you can not shake.
     
    Tiger1 likes this.
  15. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Nearly lost the war with edging yesterday. It came on while I was half asleep and my resistance was weaker than I liked but I was still able to push back eventually. I feel worn down though, compounded by lack of sleep. The last time I fought the urge to edge, it felt like a horse that had to be brought back under control. This time, it felt like holding mercury. Grab it and it squeezed through your fingers again and again. I eventually resorted to cleaning stuff to give myself something to do. I am good and tired today so I am planning to sleep early. Hopefully without lying awake and being tempted to edge.
     
  16. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    It's an aweful habit to get into masturbating and porn.....we may be willing to quit the stuff, but hands naturally go to the familiar spot down below in the pants. What helps me is to think of the reasons why I'm quitting, think of the people I'm quitting for....over time the temptation won't be there.

    Keep on trekking!!!
     
  17. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    My main reason is that I don't like the idea that my mind is slaved to this. Of course, I also want to enjoy normal intimacy with a real woman again but yeah...
     
    Tiger1 likes this.
  18. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    I hear ya man I'm waiting for Mrs right to appear
     
  19. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Another day gone and I think the pendulum might finally be swinging in the other direction. Been noticing stronger erections. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is not just a flash in the pan. Regular sleeping patterns definitely helps.
     
    Tiger1 likes this.
  20. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    Good work!!
     
    Ryan Veitch likes this.

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