Starting this on day 1.5 during the morning which is one of the hardest times right now. I’m learning to embrace the urge and redirect its energy. This is not child’s play, my life and family going forward is at stake. I’ve been in this hamster wheel for 15 years. I’m not in peril, but should I wait that long? NO! It’s the same as having unhealthy eating habits. You notice that you’ve gained 10-15 pounds and that you’re eating a bunch of junk. You mention to others that you want to eat healthier and lose a few pounds. Most times people will say “but you look fine”. To which the reply is, would you rather me to get to the point of being overweight first before I deal with it? Nope. I’ve wasted time and energy on PMO, thankfully no money. But I probably have missed out on making some for sure. Going forward it might get a bit ugly here, with some nasty words towards this, never towards a person. Even if I’m triggered by someone, I’m not mad at them personally and harbor no I’ll will towards anyone. There’s no reason to, people don’t go around with the intention of triggering me. Even with tons of women being exibitionists in public with their uber tight thin and sometimes sheer clothing. It leaves very little to the imagination. Now that I think about it, it does make me mad that they do that. I FEEL A RANT COMING ON. I’m just trying to pick some stuff at the store or take a walk. I DONT NEED TO SEE A HIGH DEFINITION VERSION OF YOUR ASS, I DIDNT ASK YOU FOR ONE, PLEASE PUT IT AWAY!! YOUR BEING VERY SELFISH BE BOPPING AROUND IN PUBLIC LIKE THAT, I HOPE IT SATISFYS YOUR EGO THAT YOU CAN WALK AROUND “NAKED” IN PUBLIC CAUSING DISTRACTION TO PEOPLE AND MEN TO LUST AFTER YOU! YOUR DOING YOUR PART IN DESTROYING THE LIVES OF GOOD PEOPLE. THANK YOU, NOT! Despite the rage in the moment that is only in my head, I will forgive them for it. It is essential to do so, for I am guilty of transgressions myself and the just due punishment for them is equally applicable to me. Fortunately, since I believe in the absurd but possibly true event that Jesus of Nazareth rose from the dead (I’m a Christian), I offer grace. I offer it because it was extended to me in the midst of my sin and it is freely offered to all those who wish to accept it, it cannot be forced. It’s also punching in the wind to try and hold someone to a standard that they don’t subscribe to. To pull from my rant example that woman may have been abused by a man as a child and maybe her way of getting back at men is being an exhibitionist to drive them crazy. I don’t know her story. That doesn’t excuse or justify what she’s doing either, but people can be like onions. You gotta peel back a few layers of the mind to get to the why. What’s the other saying? “Hurt people, hurt people.” I have found this to be a true statement in my life. I will stop hurting myself with PMO so that I stop hurting my family. This has been good this morning, since I’ve been journaling here during an episode instead of PMO I feel better.