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90 day hard mode husband and wife

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Ryan77, Aug 29, 2017.

  1. Ryan77

    Ryan77 Fapstronaut

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    Are there any restrictions or rules for this to achieve the "best" success when a husband and wife agree to do a 90 day hard mode challenge together? Since I have abstained from P&M, I have had no "arousing" thoughts except for my wife. After confessing to her, and now that I am back home, we started the 90 day hard mode reboot.

    She got to the point where she wanted to touch more. So, knowing that we have agreed not to M or O, we have done more "heavy" snuggling. No making out, always with clothed breasts and genitals. My brain knows that O is not coming, but it is still an exciting and enjoyable time. Is this type of thing something that should be avoided? Or minimized (take a day or days off)? Or just a personal choice?

    Just wondering what those who have gone through something similar before have experienced or suggest. Thanks.
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    When me and my SO abstained for our period of time, we did this.
    My LL is touch so I needed to be close to feel connected.
    He's doing a customized reboot though... For longer than 90 days, so we had to make certain things very specific.
    I guess it depends on what your rules are for your Reboot.
     
    Ryan77 and anewhope like this.
  3. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    My personal belief is that Oing with your partner as long as you are with her and not fantasizing is good because it rewires your brain to her and not to porn. My SO and I are intimate, he only O's once a week to maximize his testosterone, but otherwise he focuses on me and it is great.
     
  4. Bro this is exactly what you need--more intimacy. This is part of the rewiring process--getting rid of the porn sex and replacing it with real emotions and sensations. Keep that shit up and you'll be rebooting like a champ.
     
    Deleted Account, Ryan77 and anewhope like this.
  5. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Look up karezza (slow sex) with eye contact to increase intimacy and rewire you to your partner. It is helping to save my marriage.
     
    Ryan77 likes this.
  6. Ryan77

    Ryan77 Fapstronaut

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    We didn't really lay down any rebooting rules (other than obviously no P or M, and for 90 days no O). I do know that I need to be better about reading her cues. I started the snuggling with her at her request for more touch. Then, I continued again a different night when she was ready to sleep. I was just confused about what she wanted. Lately, one of my issues has been that I am waiting for her to tell me what she wants me to do...and she says she doesn't want that burden on her. I just need to figure out the right thing to do on my own and do it.
     
  7. Ryan77

    Ryan77 Fapstronaut

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    I am definitely interested in at least trying this after the 90 days. I don't know that I trust myself before then to not O if we do any sort of intercourse.
     
  8. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Have you looked into kareeza? It focuses on bonding behaviours and increasing intimacy through sex with no O. (My SO and I do it but with O once a week). It has been marriage saving over here.
     
    Shiva44poison likes this.
  9. The ladies speak highly of this karezza. I must look into it in-depth.
     
  10. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Just to add that although Karezza is no O, through it I have become multi O. Some women who might be hesitant could appreciate that. In my experience, I find it stops my husband from chasing his O. He is 100% centered and focused on me and that feels so good after being a masturbatory aid for so long. It is relationship changing.
     
    Ryan77 likes this.
  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Advice - tantra is different than karezza.
    For me and my SO, we didn't like it as much as tantra.
    We love tantra. :)
    To each their own
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    @Kenzi tantra confuses me-do you have any good site or book recommendations?
     
  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I've been doing it for years.
    I can site What I know from the differences, if you would like, from my experiences... And multiple conversations, if that would help?
     
  14. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Super! I bought a book but it is far out.
     
  15. I'd hit that too. Tantra baybee!
     
  16. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    To my understanding (and that of alot of the population around me)
    Karezza and tantra are both sex without the O.
    But this is where the same stops.
    (I'll get you the article I read once, I'm home recovering from surgery today, might take a minute, I'm a little loopy)

    Karezza us alot of petting and little movement.
    It's simply being and enjoying.
    It's pleasing her.
    Slowly.
    Very slowly.
    Enjoy every stroke.
    Hold strokes.
    Enjoy the holding.
    It's very light sex.
    It's soft and warm and she center console.
    Light massaging.
    Works best if hands Glide everywhere at some point.
    Takes around a hour


    Tantra.
    It's no O.
    But be creative.
    Hold this position and act like a monkey and get yourself into this one.
    Feel free to edge, both of you.
    Feel free to play and tease him too.
    Hold this place or that one.
    Be circus people.
    Experience each other completely.
    He should get lost in her on the way.
    Lots of passion.
    Slow down or speed up.
    Whatever works, whenever it works for whatever position.
    Never disconnect.
    Never get close to it.
    It's not the point... The point is to enjoy.
    Takes around 2 hours.

    In both, talking are encouraged and so is hands and eye contact and kissing and not Oing.
    Both are considered art forms.
     
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

  18. Two hours of connection? I'm in (pun intended).

    I hope you're doing well from surgery @Kenzi.
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  19. Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, sex lasts 1.5 to 2 hours for us now since karezza!
     
    TooMuchTooSoon likes this.
  20. The sex bucket list grows daily. Now I just gotta find 200lbs of jello....
     
    LUKEY_luke likes this.

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