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90 Day Challenge Until My Girlfriend Comes to Visit

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by monkeysoople, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 13 Check In:

    Well, I got rejected by my #1 company today. Felt pretty down about it but thankfully was able to make some music to expres my frustration instead of PMOing.

    Still annoyed at this rejection, I asked what I can do next time to improve but it all feels so arbitrary. I’m excited to see my sister and Skype my girlfriend tomorrow at least.

    I should be happy for my two week streak tomorrow but really I feel I acted too confidently and comfortable in my interview earlier this week. I’ll have to do my best for my two interviews next week. I really hope the other company gives me feedback to improve, otherwise I can’t learb anything, only torture myself with regret over random things I could have done differently. Anyway I wish everyone a great weekend and I’ll just have to put this behind me and move on to the next opportunity.
     
  2. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 14 Check In:

    Happy to have made it through 2 whole weeks, going to bed late after an enjoyable night out with my family. Still feel stressed about jobs but have been able to calm down with music recently instead of PMO. I feel I am on a better path though of course I still need to find a job. I have 2 interviews next week and I’ll do my best for each of those, they’re more similar to my actual major and work experience so hopefully I can secure a spot! Onwards to the 3 week mark!
     
  3. ash_cloud

    ash_cloud Fapstronaut

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    Best of luck to you !
     
  4. Dude i did the exact same thing almost in 2016. I quit pmo and met a girl. Only problem is she is from the MIDDLE EASTERN PART OF THE WORLD lol. we had a long distance relationship and she came to visit me twice. It is not easy man. long distance is tough. I dealt with the same problems regarding mo. cool that she is visiting you. good luck.
     
  5. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 15 Check In:

    Good luck to you too ash_cloud! Looks like we're in the same place in terms of our streak, let's keep it up!

    Would you be willing to share any advice on how to maintain an LDR from your experience? It's difficult of course, I'd appreciate any tips you have.

    Worked on music a lot today and talked with my girlfriend for 2 hours as well. I feel super motivated to produce and I'm excited for my upcoming interviews this week. I'll research the companies on Wikipedia and do my best to get through the upcoming phone interview, I think having to use Skype so much recently may help with my rhythm on the phone. I'll keep doing my best!
     
  6. @monkeysoople its hard to give advice on that because everyone's situation is different. This was my situation: for me the long distance relationship aspect made things more serious than i liked, because she either has to move to my country our vice versa to have a truly satisfying relationship (i missed the sex and physical connection and seeing her in person). The way I saw it, I didnt want to uproot my life and move to her country where I didnt know anyone but her. Ultimately I just didnt want to get married at the time and she did, so that was a dealbreaker. he just wasnt the one, I didnt want to marry her at the time. We broke up because I didnt see it working out long term and I didnt want to marry and she did. I was 26 though and she was 28 so I understood her situation. Its all different for everyone.

    I guess the advice would be to have something you are both building towards long term. I dont think you would want to have a ltr for the rest of your life with this women, so I would think that you need to figure out when and where you are going to be together. At least a trip or something. For me I would just be super honest with yourself if having a virtual women you see once a month or so is worth it for you vs the possibility of having a women that is with you every day potentially. Its seriously up to you though as far as what you want to do. I no nothing about this girl or your relationship or situation.
     
  7. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 16 Check In:

    @%32 Thank you for sharing your experience. In my current timeline I'm able to see my girlfriend every 4 months or so. It's difficult but it's worth it to be with her in the end after 2 years of this situation. I wouldn't get into an LDR with any of my exes but my current girlfriend is truly special. I understand we reach an ultimatum type scenario in which marriage looks like the only option, we're still working through how that will play out. I'm 22 and she's 20, she's studying abroad this year in Europe. She'll graduate in 2 years and so next year I'm hoping to find a professional job in her country but the market is tough nowadays. It's nice to be able to vent about this sort of thing online, I don't want to put any stress on her about our future. Though we do make a point to discuss it seriously.

    My interview seemed to go well today but I can never be quite sure, I'm hoping my phone interview goes well tomorrow as that's my new #1 company for the time being. I'm considering getting a warehouse job not using my degree just to have something to do where I can make money, but I still need to put a lot of time into more applications and interviews around this highly contentious hiring season.

    I continue to have PMO related dreams, I'm hoping those will fade in time though occasionally people appear in my dreams who I haven't seen in years so some things are hard to faze out.

    I've crossed the halfway point towards 30 days, there's no turning back now.
     
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  8. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 17 Check In:

    This is getting tougher, isn’t it? I talked to my friends all about NoFap but can’t manage to convince them to join. Despite this I still feel it’s reallt important to me as my problem is more serious and if I did relapse I know it would be a long horrible binge.

    I’m approaching the 20 day mark, then soon the 30 day mark which would put me at 33% of my goal once I reach 30. I’m excited to workout tomorrow and relieve some frustration. I’ve caught myself watching more suggestive YouTube videos the past few days and I know I need to curb that. Tomorrow I will focus on applying to more companies, working out, making music, enjoying my Skype conversation with my girlfriend and helping my grandma use her new phone. I can do this!
     
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  9. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 18 Check In:

    Today didn’t feel so tough, I Skyped my girlfriend for a long time after helping her prepare for internship applications & put together a letter to send her tomorrow when the post office opens. I’m aiming to sleep early before 9pm tonight & wake up around 6 to workout for a super productive day tomorrow.

    I’ve got to send out more job applications which is my main source of stress, I’m thinking of gettin a temporary job to do for now but then it will take time from my applications & the profession specific exam I really should be studying for. At the same time I need a professional job so the company will pay for my study materials which leaves me with some degree of decision paralysis.

    I’m at least grateful that my LDR seems to be functioning very well so far after about 2 months. We will reunite for 10 days in another 2 months so right here we’re around the halfway point (though I’ll have to calc it sometime to be exact). And I’m grateful for my family & friends & the wonderful life I’ve been blessed with since birth. I can feel like such a failure sometimes for not getting hired immediately by every company I apply to, but I know I need to relax & be patient. I will find a job eventually. I’ll do one more application, send my girlfriend a goodnight message & hit the hay. Not even in the mood for PMO that would ridiculously stress me out. On to the next day.
     
  10. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 19 Check In:

    I sent an important email to a connection today that was for some reason making me feel anxious, I tried to send a similar email 3 weeks ago before NoFap & PMO’d 3 times in one day due to me freaking out with nervousness.

    Once I started typing the email I calmed down a bit & recalled my previous horrible experience in which I accomplished nothing & retreated to PMO as a crutch. Thinking of that experience helped motivate me to get as far as I’ve gotten today. Tomorrow is day 20, I’m excited to go to a loca fall festival with one of my closest friends. I’m going to remains calm and send more emails tomorrow, I feel like such a boss being able to send one without having a PMO panic attack. I am in control.
     
  11. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 20 Check In:

    I’ve made it this far but I’m realizing my actual goals will take more work to accomplish than I could imagine, or perhaps I realized the magnitude of effort required & felt insignificant in the face of it. I’m starting to see just how much time and energy everything will take.

    I used to PMO everyday as part of my routine & felt nothing of it, it took time to become disgusted with it & feel guilt for the harm done unto myself. Feeling the true weight of that burden has helped me tremendously. Thankfully I can feel that disgust even just browsing Reddit now, I’ve conditioned myself well enough to stay off of 4chan but Reddit & finally YouTube will take the most work.

    IMO a large part of PMO addiction is related to meangingless dopamine rushes which over time disensatize the brain to become docile & useless. YouTube & Reddit do the same thing, as well as Instagram which I consider to be more aligned towards the female market.

    Can I look back on yesterday & remember anything I saw on Reddit? What about 2 days ago? Or a week? Or a year? Absolute nothingness. The void. Malicious distraction. Even in the restroom while I’m sitting there & thinking “hey I might as well go on Reddit, what else could be doing anyway?” I have betrayed myself. As a musician I can always write lyrics no matter where I am. I used to write so much just brushing my teeth, until I poisoned my brain my putting on videos to listen to during my morning routine. Now is always the time for creation.

    Even the news podcasts I listen to while cooking, what good have those done me? I could listen to something to help me practice foreign language skills, or listen to book that changes the way I see the world.

    I’m not sure if there’s a forum section on other dopamine heavy brain numbing addictions like YouTube, Reddit, video games, Instagram, 4chan, and basically anything on the internet that isn’t keeping in contact with close friends & loved ones.

    Even browsing this forum, what am I doing with my time? Searching for inspiration? For a support group of brothers who are facing the same struggle? I like keeping this journal here so I’ll keep at it for now, but I feel I need to reduce the curiosity towards “oh look this poet has an interesting title I wonder what that guy’s gonna say”.

    This new information/noveltly driven dompamije rushes are not natural or normal. I believe the internet itself, and not only P, is in fact a super stimulus that’s eating away at every single person connected to it but by bit. I feel compelled to fight against it given my position as a young person who has woken up to this fact.

    From what I’ve seen, the vast majority of the anti-video game anti-porn speakers out there are all older & most of them have no idea what video game addiction is actually like. I’m going to have to properly formulate some thoughts on this but I really want to inspire change in people for the better by sharing my own experience as an internet addict & showing them a bette path.

    I’ve got tons of job apps to get to but I intend to make a video on this topic once I get a good offer somewhere. I’m unplugged for the rest of the day.
     
  12. mindright

    mindright Fapstronaut

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    Keep going bro 7 days ago you hit your 2 week streak now look at me right behind ya buddy. I've been having urges of late, but I know if I relapse I can kiss goodbye to having the real thing. My GF is visiting me in exactly 90 days / 3 months from today. It's just us no kids nothing, and I want that time to be special for me and her.
     
  13. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 21 Check In:

    @mindright Glad to see you maintaining a steady streak, you can make it through keep staying strong!

    Had a nocturnal emission last night and called my girlfriend for 3 hours in the morning. I feel the wet dreams are the most natural and best way to release tension with PMOing. It’s like I can feel the urges building up & then I know another wet dream is coming, I’ll see how many I have throughout my challenge. Seems they occur every 10 days on average so far though I’ll have to see how the data play out.

    Super busy studying and applying more today, I’m resting from the gym after a great week & having healthy food to come back strong on Monday. 3 weeks have flashed by already, the 30 day mark is just up ahead.
     
  14. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 22 Check In:

    I feel stressed but hopeful and more confident in my own abilities. It’s interesting applying for a job in another language, my girlfriend has been a huge help with the cover letter and resume but the interview should I get one will be extremely tough for me. Nevertheless this is great practice. I’m excited to be back in the gym tomorrow morning and I hope to send out my foreign application by the end of the day.

    At this point there are a little less than 10 weeks until my girlfriend comes to visit & im really looking forward to seeing her. I still feel finished from not having a job yet but all I can do is keep applying and doing my best when interview opporuties arise. It’s good to be busy though the uncertainty still bothers me. I’ll feel a lot more comfortable once I can start working somewhere.
     
  15. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 23 Check In:

    Getting tired out from applying to so many companies and jumping through so many hoops. I just have to remain calm the next time I get an interview. Then again, 3 companies I interviewed with recently haven’t even gotten back to me yet in any way. This is the biggest thing bothering me lately. Not even that my girlfriend is on another confident, I feel confident and secure in our relationship. For me it’s a matter of protecting that security into the future by securing a job offer somewhere as soon as possible.

    All I can do is keep applying for now. There must be some solace in that. As long as I’m actung our the best option possible I should be on the right track. I must remain calm and maintain peace of mind going towards the future. No time for PMO. I feel these updates themselves may be a tiny source of procrastination yet at the same time it’s a great opportunity to record my progress and look back on how far I’ve come from where I started someday. On to the next one.
     
  16. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 24 Check In:

    I had another nocturnal emission last night, seems pretty close to my last one in terms of time frame. I feel I did better on my online assessment today than I did previously for this particular company application, I’ll have to see how the results play out.

    The online timed test can be stressful but I think doing so many of them really has made me stronger, I wouldn’t mind working in an actual field like that where I believe I’ll improve very quickly having to survive in a high pressure environment everyday. I’m less than a week to day 30 and right now especially after my wet dream lasr night this feels sort of easy at the moment. I’m just too busy to PMO. Anyone else who is struggling needs to do more things other than have the free time to lay in bed watching videos or wasting away on the internet for hours at a time. It feels great to not go on YouTube or Reddit, it’s really good for brain functionality.
     
  17. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 25 Check In:

    Feeling a bit stressed by my Sunday interview in a language I do not fluently speak, but nevertheless secured some other interview on Friday and Monday that I feel better about. It's a great opportunity to practice in a real setting at least. The English interviews seem much easier in comparison now. I'm still waiting on a couple companies to get back to me on some results, I have to be patient and keep applying everywhere.

    25 days feels pretty good, I've got my routine down and I can expect a nocturnal emission whenever I get too restless it seems. I'll see how the 30 days benchmark feels, at that point there will only be two months of waiting for my girlfriend to come. I'm about at the halfway point of 128 days in between our August and future December meeting. I still don't have a job, which is my most discouraging burden, but I've been able to stay strong. Once I get an offer I can concentrate more on music production which is what I really want my job to be

    I realized I have the potential to overcome life's obstacles, I must continue to remain positive and act that out.

    I remember when I thought I would be a virgin forever and things were hopeless...but after some time of trying my hardest overcame that and lost my V card.

    I remember when I thought all the girls who would be interested in me were all dishonest and also dating multiple guys at the same time, that no purehearted woman would want to be with me and I was doomed to continue cycling through disloyal ones...but after some time the woman who would become my girlfriend simply appeared before me, I mustered up the courage to talk to her and we'll celebrate our first year anniversary together in December.

    So now in my turmoil of finding a job I can see myself in the future looking back at this state I'm in and remembering how it is to feel as I feel right now.

    And after I find a professional job, then I will feel turmoil of working a job I hate and not doing what I love, but I realize that too can be overcome with perseverance. The road ahead is long and treacherous, but that doesn't give me an excuse to stop marching onwards.
     
  18. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 26 Check In:

    My eyes hurt from staring at my screen writing answers to practice questions for my Sunday interview. Did alright at the gym today despite the 2 vaccinations and blood test yesterday. My blood work came back great with healthy cholesterol and no STDs which I'm very grateful for as that was something constantly bothering me in the back of my mind for a while now.

    Had another wet dream/nocturnal emission last night but this one was less. I was more conscious in the dream as to what was happening too, it seems I can try to control my own actions in the dream to some extent and my subconscious controls the rest. Night is a restless time however there is low PMO risk for me as I would in the past only PMO after coming back from the gym and before my shower. I think my commitment to cleanliness has also helped me avoid STDs. With only 4 days till day 30 and so much do to I feel at very little risk of PMOing. However I have looked at social media more than I would like to today. It's been super stressful thinking about my interview in a foreign language coming up and doing my best to type out answers to practice questions. Once that interview passes I can focus on other interviews in English. And once I get a job I can focus on music until it starts.

    One step at a time, little by little, day by day. My girlfriend reminded me this today, I agree it's important to remember.
     
  19. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 27 Check In:

    Normal day, went to the gym, had a phone interview, talked to my girlfriend on Skype for 3 hours, shopped for a new coat then fantasizes about the lottery for a while. I feel like I have to stay up for the drawing the same way I stay up on election night.

    My girlfriend has been having trouble finding birth control in the country she is studying in, we’ve been thinking about what to do in that regard but I can’t stress about it too much. My foreign language skills, while subpar to where they need to be for my actual interview on Sunday, have improve drastically over the course of the week.

    Thinking about the lottery really helps me out my life in perspective at least. If I won I would simply be able to accomplish my goals faster and more efficiently than I am currently able to. Nevertheless my goals remain the same. It can feel frustrating some times to have to wait for things, but the best things in life are truly worth waiting for. I know that’s a cliché statement, but sometimes the most obvious things are almost the most true. And that unto itself is in the same category.

    3 more days till 30 days, I have no doubt I can achieve that. Might rest from the gym but might also go just for the cardio and stress relief tomorrow, I’ll see. I’m 25 lbs away from benhunt my own body weight which is a goal of mine, it may be achievable within a year. I’ve stopped protein shakes for a while as my mom says they can lead to kidney stones down the line.

    Hope everyone has a good night and good luck to all the NoFappers who played the lotto as well.
     
  20. monkeysoople

    monkeysoople Fapstronaut

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    Day 28 Check In:

    Did some more practice for my foreign language interview today, going to buy apples later. I won $10 at least, going to put that back into more tickets for fun. I'm not going to spend any more money than that on tickets though, I think an excessive amount of fantasizing is certainly unhealthy.

    At the approaching 30 day mark there will only be 60 more days until my girlfriend arrives. That means I just have to get through the 30 days two more times in a row. I can see on my calendar that my last PMO was September 22nd and it feels good seeing all the clear days, better to see October as an entirely clear month. I feel like the random erections I tend to get while not PMOing have died down a bit, though I haven't been in any situation where they could arise and the winter season helps for concealment.

    My girlfriend's going out with her dorm neighbors tonight, I do worry a bit because her alcohol tolerance is extremely low and the drinking culture creates a lot of pressure, but I think she'll be ok. I'd feel more comfortable honestly if she had some Mace or something, I trust her completely but she becomes so vulnerable with alcohol that I worry she'll overestimate her tolerance and be put in a bad position. I'll try not to worry about it too much.
     

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