[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

day 13/90 completed

 

Day 3

 

day 9 almost done!

 

11/90 - Mind fog clearing, have started a new weight training and bulking routine, feeling good!
Will meditate tonight.

 

Hi All!! Day 3 here and i am lucky to have days off for 10 days so in theory i can make the next days an easier thing. Will keep posting though. All the best to everyone guys!

 

Many thanks

 

Day 5

 

2 days

 

Day 34 here.

 

Day 10/30

 

Day 113
That`s it! Im done. I learned 4 days and 4 hours for the math exam. Adequate minus! Fuck this school. Also wrote spanish today, well fuck I`m sure it will be again an adequate (Idk if this is the real translation in english from the german word "ausreichend"). It`s just disappointing that even if I do something I fail. Is it school, is it on Breakdance...
Anyway I`m really annoyed. So annoyed that I told some people that they annoy me and should go away.
I think I`m just too nice and too friendly to EVERYONE! For years (and still) I pretended to be happy and so on, but deep inside damn I was done, depressed, annoyed, alone. And if happens too much shit in a time I just can`t control it...
Even when a "friend" throw those mini paper balls at me I`m just ignore him, even though I`m soooo close to hit him right in his ugly fucking face. But then my mind tells me: "Man come on you will regret it, just let him/them do. One day he/they will pay for that..."
Just a bad day, hope Breakdance will cheer me up. Tomorrow is the last exam: English. My lessons felt very often out. I learned nothing. My motivation for school is under 0. I even went in a tracksuit today. man Im just sad, depressed, angry, annoyed, tired of everything! Still felt urges like "Wow, you had a bad day... maybe some insta models could cheer you up a bit? Huh : D? What do you think^^?" MAN NO! I WILL REGRET IT! I know it... why I started school? I had the chance to go to work, but no my stupid ass thought it would be a great idea to visit the highschool to make nEw AnD bEtTeR fRiEnDs or FiNalLy FiNd A gIrLfRiEnD....
I hate life. I hate me. I hate my life. I hate everything

 

excellent bro. keep going!!!

 

Will give this another go.
0/90

 

exactly, change your behaviour. instead of seating in front of tv, do something else. you will learn the best when you see your triggers working.

 

i had a dream yesterday of being in a PMO session, imagine that!!! don´t get scared bro, it´s part of the process still fantasizing about lust. just carry on.

 

smart move bro, that´s it. keep going

 

brother, stand up for yourself, don´t let people push you around. do what you want, fight for what you want. if you don´t feel that school, that course or those colleagues are good for you, then change it. when facing with difficult situations we have 2 paths: accept it or change it. all else is unnecessary suffering.

stand up for yourself bro. a man who faces is own addiction and is destroying it day by day, that man is capable of everything. YOU´RE THAT MAN.

 

7

today i felt a little hesitation in me when i was alone. start moving a little slower, stop doing stuff and letting myself slowly enter automode. but then i recognize the truth "no, i´m an addict, i can´t control this, no matter how much i would like to do PMO, i can´t control this, if i do one time it will unleash a rollercoaster of events that will end with me half dead, with regrets, and needing to start the reboot again. No PMO, NO."

this is a good mojo to say to yourselfs - "i´m an addict. i´m an addict. i´m an addict." this means recognizing the truth = "i have a sickness and i can´t control it.".

recognizing the truth is really reliefing brothers. it will not make us weak or patetic, no, it make us powerful. because everybody is willing to recognize their strenghts, it´s easy, but to admit our fragilities, to admit our vulnerabilities, that takes true courage.

Onwards my friends, one day at a time. Towards freedom.

 

Day 39/90 successful. Today most of the day I was reading novel.. About to complete it soon. "Fountain head" by Ayn Rand. Anyways cheers guys. See ya tomorrow.

 

The Day 2. I can do this.