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Eight years into the journey- new chapter

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by newman_unleashed, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    @iHappy and @Pacifico Man Thanks guys.

    I woke up at 4 AM this morning full of worry and anxiety. Funny how just one day of abstinence causes the mind to start messing with you and working to get that dopamine kick. I pushed through, but this afternoon I took my phone into the bathroom and had a quick M with some P subs. Was not intentional, just checking my IG and saw a pic that made my mind go where it shouldn't have. I need to remember my triggers and plan ahead to avoid them. I found my 3 circles chart and went over it again. Limit my social media to planned times. No electronic devices in the bathroom or in my bedroom.

    On a positive note, I have been to the gym two days in a row, and am already feeling the energy boost. I have been much more proactive with what needs to be done and some other projects. I also took time out today for spiritual things/ meditation. I need that more than anything I think. A clear head and being mindful is my biggest weapon. I am really trying to work on being a calmer soul. Slowing down. Speak lower. Command and enjoy the day. Looking forward to tomorrow.
     
    PotentLife and (deleted member) like this.
  2. shutdown66

    shutdown66 Fapstronaut

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    I'm struggling at the moment too.... things have been going well with my gf, but recently she dropped a huge bombshell and its really affected me.... of course, in the even of this stress, I turned to PMO.... its a vicious cycle.
     
    iHappy likes this.
  3. iHappy

    iHappy Guest

    @shutdown66 Yes, you will never get out of it until you let your emotions do its very worst. It can suck and will suck but...that is the only way.
     
    PotentLife likes this.
  4. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    I am starting to remember and feel what having goals and having some control over my life is like. So many times we are overwhelmed by obligations and the mundane and we are stuck in "reaction mode". We are unfulfilled, and we just want out. PMO is an easy escape, but it is more controlling than anything else.

    The way to overcome this (as I see it) is to take time out to dream and plan. What do I really want to do today? Next weekend? Next month? With who? What to I want to be doing with myself in a year? What will that take to make happen?

    I am not talking about a laundry list of unrealistic goals. I am talking about having a life- social, emotional, physical, spiritual.

    Do you have a favorite band? Where and when is their next concert? Go with a friend.
    Do you hate your job? What do you want to do? What will it take to achieve that? List out the steps, and take the first one today. It could be as simple as a phone call.
    Do you want to get in shape? Exercise for 30 minutes today. Do it tomorrow.

    It's all about choices and attitude. It is so easy for us to feel sorry for ourselves and lot in life. Generally speaking, if you PMO, you probably hate your life (or even yourself). So don't PMO today. Do something to change something that you hate in your life. It will lead to more positive acts, and the effect will snowball.

    Make the list. DO something today, no matter how small. New habits, better life.
     
    windboom, red30 and iHappy like this.
  5. Buddhabro

    Buddhabro Fapstronaut

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    You can do it! At least you've proven that to me, if not yourself.
    Reading your story fills me with confidence that we can do it, and dramatically change our lives!
     
  6. Ochimus

    Ochimus New Fapstronaut

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  7. Liverpoolfan1995

    Liverpoolfan1995 Fapstronaut

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    Keep your head up man. You've done really well once, you can do it again.
     
  8. FURPY

    FURPY Fapstronaut

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    Way to go, Bro...stomp that P into the ground...no P no see
    No touch Mr happy....life is stimulating enough...you will find that O will be replaced by love....peace...joy...you will notice...you will not regret....you are not losing anything...you are gaining things you never thought possible
    Simple pleasures....less fear....and much much more...
    Do not touch mr happy, and he will thank you for it...he will heal and come back strong and long...
     
    PotentLife and vibemaker like this.
  9. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    I cannot believe I am almost at a week. Time is flying.

    I had a deep conversation with someone I respect yesterday. He asked me about my plans for the future. He basically gave me a kick in the butt. Quit wasting time. You want to get married? Go look for a woman. You want to do more spiritually- focus a little and apply yourself. Invest in the present. Be there for the people who need you where you are now. Basically told me he cared a ton, but that I was not reaching my potential. First time we ever talked like that. I gained a close friend.

    Big meeting later this week. I may be making a business deal that will give me some amazing freedom and options. So I am anxious about that.

    I also have developed a crush on a girl and am trying to get to know her on the down low with mixed success. I don't know if now is a good time for that or not, but she may not even be interested anyways. Just have to be patient and be myself. In the meantime not knowing how she feels is super stressful.

    I have been spending some time on MBTI and have discovered a ton about myself, what type of people I do well around, and what type of woman is a good fit for me. I know I am not alone in the way I process and see things, and that there are actually other people not like me that thrive when I am around them. I have also learned that I need to be around people to survive, but then I also need to withdraw and have alone time to recharge and process. That I yearn to find a soul mate that I can explore and grow with. On the bad side- I am actually pretty unhealthy emotionally (not surprisingly) and need to teach myself how to relax and enjoy life more. I'm still digging, but I am looking for practical things I can use to help myself out.

    Still going strong. Waiting for the spike in T that comes around a week. Need to avoid all triggers.
     
    vyndaloo and PotentLife like this.
  10. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    I have been super stressed the last few days. I know it is because without PMO my mind and body is being forced to deal with life without that dopamine kick. Last night I had an MO session with P subs, so resetting. I am disappointed in myself, but at the same time happy to have made 8 days.

    As with my last big streak, a driving factor to me waking up and trying to recover is a woman and the prospect of a relationship. I know I have to get my head on straight before I can be my best self. Not going to get into it here other than say that I over analyze everything, and when I fall for someone it is usually pretty hard. Just being honest with myself. Knowing this helps me keep things in perspective and not feel overwhelmed or do something I'll regret.

    I have been forcing myself to get out of the house more. I have been studying up on personality types, and have discovered that I am what is called an ambivert, which means I need to both be around people and have time to myself to process and think. Too much solitude is bad, as I tend to get lonely and over analyze everything. At the same time, too much time with people or in large groups wears on me, and I get cranky/worn out. Striking the balance is key for my wellness. Getting to understand who I am better is helping to accept myself for who I am. I am also figuring out why I get along so well with some people, but not with others. It has been really rewarding work, and I think it will serve me well.

    So the task for today is to not let the chaser effect get me. Also, not beat myself up for one slip. I am making progress, I should be happy for that. I have plenty to do today, including a big meeting that could seriously impact my future. Lots of stress, but that's life for me anyways. I wish I didn't worry about everything. The more time I have away from PMO, the less stressed I am, and the less I worry. Just have to break the cycle.

    Thanks for reading. Time to start the day.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2016
  11. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    Another reset. The chaser got me. I should have been more proactive and not put myself in situations where I am almost certain to trigger. Alone, picked up the ipad...

    So this is a crossroads. The last two resets I have had a moment of pause when I was starting to PMO when I thought about the choice that I had. To stop or to keep going. Instead of getting up and immediately doing something else, both times I just laid there until my will power was gone. Next time, if it gets to that point and decision I have got to have my mind made up to proactively DO something. Reject the desire. Let it pass. It's so hard when autopilot seems to take over, but when that moment of passing clarity arrives I have got to fight back.

    Not giving up.
     
    windboom likes this.
  12. FURPY

    FURPY Fapstronaut

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    Sounds to me like you are determined to keep going!...good for you!
     
  13. zerxeslives

    zerxeslives Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, just read all your posts.
    It is saddening to see you relapsing especially after the great streak you had earlier this year. Nevertheless, the great characteristic I've noticed in you is that you're not a quitter. You're persistent. You are fighting on. Just the fact that you've been coming back despite your temporary setbacks and have updated us on the situation tells me you are not ready to throw your gloves. That in itself will take you far in life.

    I really wish you the best and hope you are once again able to escape this perpetual loop of doom known to us as pmo addiction. All the best in your battles and keep going, we're all rooting for you!
     
    vyndaloo likes this.
  14. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    @zerxeslives @FURPY
    Thank you for the encouragement. This community is one of the main things that keeps me going.
     
    vyndaloo likes this.
  15. FURPY

    FURPY Fapstronaut

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    Last night....I just about fell off the wagon....I was ready to grab mr happy l...
    I thought...no....boy...that was tough...
     
    PotentLife likes this.
  16. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    @newman_unleashed , it looks like you're back up to day 9! Excellent! It's amazing all the deft ninja skills it takes to elude and dismantle temptation, but just how possible it is once you gain some momentum. You are kicking big holes in the prison walls this addiction has tries to build around your life and I commend you!
     
  17. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    @PotentLife
    Thank you for the message. I needed it.
    Three days ago was the last time I PMO'd. I had been sick for a week and feeling down and relapsed several times on cam sites. I was ashamed to come on here and change my counter, especially since i had the feeling that I was going to fail several times. What a mistake. It was scary because I could feel my brain controlling me- even after vowing to not repeat, just a few hours later I would. I began to think about when I was PMO'ing for hours and hours a few years ago. It was not a good time. I started feeling better on Monday, and the tide turned. I need to have a plan for the next time I get sick and am stuck at home, which usually happens twice a year.

    I made a big decision yesterday that eliminated some stress from my life and also has caused me to set some personal goals in regards to some important relationships. Eliminating uncertainty was a relief, and now I feel like I am in a better position to move forward. It was a matter of realizing that I must learn to be happy in my present circumstances if I am ever going to reach my goals. I constantly think about the future and what could be- at the expense of what is. So I rarely do today what must be done. It is a gift to be able to plan the future and think ahead (one that I am glad to have), but I end up worrying and suffering because of it. I am unable to make decisions because I am paralyzed by all the options of what could be. It is my biggest flaw, I would say (and I have many).

    I am trying to focus on today. Stop dreaming, and start doing. Don't put things off. Waste less time avoiding decisions. Avoid time wasters like endless TV, internet surfing. For some reason I feel more of a man when I do this. Like I deserve to succeed. I don't feel ashamed to act and to achieve things, to have feelings, an opinion, a voice.

    Whatever you are running from, avoiding it with PMO or other empty pursuits is only going to intensify and prolong your pain. Figure out what you really want. Face the fact that you have to work for it. Start on a routine of daily acts that will take you there. Never quit, no matter what.
     
    PotentLife likes this.
  18. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    There were a lot of very good things in your post but the thing that struck me the hardest at this reading is about the shame of coming in here and resetting the counter. Do I ever relate! I'll make a vow here and now that if I ever relapse, the first thing I do is really show up here and say what I'm feeling. I can describe what led to the relapse and the rationalizations I used.

    Man, I was away from here for about 6 months due to the exact shame you described! And the addict in me didn't even want me sneaking back in secret to read my journal! It felt too painful, like a reminder of failure. But what a con that was! The real reason, I believe, was because the inner addict knew that I would start getting motivated, abstaining again if I did read it!

    How inspiring it was when I finally did get back on here, confess, describe the relapses in edifying detail and vow to be cautious of the triggers in the future! It was like that hope I felt at the beginning of a long streak, roused and kicking at the starting gate, that sense of getting a reprieve from my old misery and a view of the future as bouncy, bright and loaded with thrilling opportunities.

    Thanks for your post. It helped me to realize how much not only our successes but our relapses can instruct others in our situations!
     
    LimitlessTman likes this.
  19. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    It's been a rough last week. Tired. This is when I get stressed out and PMO becomes a real problem. I have failed daily for the past 5 days. I know I need to stop, but when I look at all that is on my plate this next month it kind of overwhelms me. Then the PMO cycle starts and I get more worn out and negative thoughts compound even more.

    I am checking in here before going to bed to try and get back in the habit of writing in the journal. It helps a lot. One day at a time. If I can make it to 3 days and get back into a decent routine I can start racking up clean days again. Then I will start feeling better.

    I can do this if I dig deep.
     
  20. newman_unleashed

    newman_unleashed Fapstronaut

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    Back again on a reset. I am not gaining any ground. I keep doing the same things over and over. Two big things I think are driving it right now- working alone all day, and being tired.

    Home alone. Sit around. Pick up the phone.
    I will need to quit Instagram. It is rife with porn, and I cannot seem to not search it. I'll just take a break from it discreetly. No need to broadcast it. I wish there was a way to survive and run a business in this world without the internet or social networking. I wish morals were not so far gone.
    I need to get back to the gym. Sleep more. Less internet. More outside, which is doable with the cooler weather.
    I am becoming miserable again in my guilt and helplessness.
    I have a calendar on my wall on which I highlight every PMO day red and every clean day yellow. More red days than yellow at the moment. I am trying to tell myself that I can do this, but I seem to just keep falling.
    I can do this. Get up.
     

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