60 days : How I feel

Hi everybody !

Today I hit the 60 days marks on my hardcore mode Nofap challenge. I wanted to share my story with you and maybe help some people to find motivation in my post. I’m a 21 years old man living in Europe. I’ve been trying to do Nofap since 14 months, I had a few good streaks during those months: 111 days, 60 days and 23 days.​

As far as I can remember I’ve always been a shy guy, I always had this fear of rejection. I was able to manage it until I discovered P at 14 years old. It quickly became a habit to do it every day and for longer and longer period. As the years went, it became a way to release my stress, my jealousy, my anger, my frustration and my doubts. My social anxiety became a huge problem and most of the days left me exhausted and broke; I would go home, eat with my family, avoid them for the rest of the evening and just go to bed to get my PMO fix.

This was my “living style” for several years, until summer 2015, during the holiday, when I hit the bottom. I was so sad, so demotivated, so tired. I would just spend my days doing nothing, waiting for the night to PMO. I was unable to look at people eye to eye, I felt like shit, unworthy of living, desperately waiting for happiness to come. The PMO addiction grew stronger and I would sometimes watch porn “just for fun” or wake up in the middle of the night to PMO again. I started to felt guilty and sick about this “habit”.

So, on November 13th 2015, I started my first attempt to stop PMO. At this moment I didn’t knew about this community, it was a decision I made all by myself, anyway it wouldn’t hurt me right ? I didn’t expect a lot from it, but at least I was making a step toward change. Four days later, I came across this forum … I spent hours reading your posts, learning about” your brain on porn “and “fight the new drug”. I realised that the decision I made could change my life.

My first streak lasted 111 days, I felt happier but I made the mistake to MO and in few days I was back watching P. So I started again and again with multiple relapses, I managed to go to 23 days, 60 days and now 60 days again.

I gained a lot from my current streak but I had really hard times. The first 3 weeks I was really sad and angry with strong urges, I just wanted to hide to cry or avoid interactions with people. Then I had 4 weeks that were pretty quiet with a few nice days and 4 wet dreams.

Since day 49, I have again a lot of frustration and anger, my brain is trying to trick me into MO not by brutal force but in subtle way. That’s where I fell on my previous streak. I think I’m overcoming some hurdle and I will feel better after that. This being said, I don’t feel well now but it’s still much better than my average day when I PMOed.

Physical benefits

- My skin is cleaner: I had trouble with acne but it’s getting much better

- More energy : I sleep less and I am more active

- More muscular : I’m not sure about this one but I have the feeling that my muscles have grown without working out

- Less cold: I’m much more resistant to cold, I used to shake like a leaf in the winter but not anymore

- Better posture : I have a better back position when I’m walking or sit

- Deeper voice: I used to have a little voice that would often break down. My voice is now more deep and calm.

Psychological benefits

- Less procrastinating: I used to procrastinate a loooot, now the faster things are done the better it is. I realized that when procrastinating, I always had this little voice saying “don’t forget to do that and this and so on” and always end up in trouble because I forgot to do something. Now I do things and keep moving. I’m able to live in the moment without remembering every little thing I have to do.

- Less brain fog: It’s something you can’t really realize until you have days without it. I usually felt disconnected from the reality, as if I was high, I felt numb and stupid, unable to interact with anyone or anything and driven by fear. Now that the brain fog is weaker, I have the feeling to be in control of my emotions and my reactions. I’m also more sensitive and aware to everything around me, people or things. I still have days were my fear and stress just take control on my mind, but now I’m aware of it and it’s easier to calm down.

- Goals: I have real goals to achieve, my life have a direction. I’m not dreaming all day long about hypothetical situations that will never happen, especially about P. I’m working on real things to get shit done … we only have one life and I don’t want to waste it dreaming.

- Less anxiety: I am calmer. I’m still stressed when talking to someone I don’t know, but I’m able to manage my emotions and keep my voice and body language under control. I can also keep eye contact more easily and with more people.

- Girls: I do see more girls looking at me and I feel less uncomfortable talking with them but I still have a lot to work on.

- Overall happiness: I’m proud and happy of doing Nofap and seeing change, I sometime smile without any reason … it can seem strange but it’s something I didn’t feel in a long time.

I’m only 60 days in, so I still have a lot to do, but I’m slowly starting to realize and feel all the benefits I can take from this experience. The previous year, even if I relapsed a lot, was so different: I started to accomplish some of my dreams and it’s so rewarding to think about the travel and experiences that I have lived. Nofap is really a life changer, it won’t do everything for you but it will help you to realize that you’re in charge of your life, that you can choose what you want to do.

I also realized something really important: nothing in life is easy, you’ll have to work hard for everything and take one step after the others … But you’ll seek joy from this work, and it will be far more rewarding than the instant gratification that you get from PMO. Happiness is not the goal, it’s the path.

Thank you so much to everyone, I could never have gone so far without all your reboot and success stories, it was really a huge support all along the way and I will never thank you enough. I hope my story can help some people, stay strong !


“If you’re going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill

 

@UBS Thank you ! I'll give it a try. I did a lot of meditation during my first streak and I think it teaches you how to correctly breath ...and a lot of other things too

@Lone_Wolf I can't tell you exactly how I felt. All those souvenirs and good emotions were quickly erased by my relapse. But I remember that I was able to keep a conversation with strangers, the brain fog was gone and I had this feeling that the void created by Nofap was pretty much gone ... I also remember a mad eye contact with one girl, and if I had had the chance I would have talk to her. I keep a good feeling about this period, I felt alive again and that's why I'm still on Nofap.

Thanks to all of you for your comments, stay strong !