6 Weeks NoFap then transgendered person Escort

I'll just get stuck here and not waste any time. I've been masturbating two to three times a day for over 20 years. I would do it when I was horny, happy, sad, stressed, relaxed but I did it mainly to avoid facing my own sexual insecurities. I would even fap when I was with a girlfriend. Before she'd come over I'd bang one out and make up some excuse like, "it'll relax me when she's here" or "we're not going to have sex anyway". WTF? However there was no porn involved in my masturbating until about ten years ago. I was going out with an Italian girl who was very sexually open. One time she wanted to have sex while watching porn. She got bored but I didn't. It was then I got addicted to porn. After having sex with her I'd wait until she was asleep then sneak downstairs and fap to porn for ages. That eventually killed the sexual relationship and I became more and more sexually frustrated. Even after sex I was still frustrated. Then transgendered person porn appeared on my horizon and my sexual tastes became very muddled. I never graduated to gay porn but I started to watch brutal transgendered person porn. Fapping always left me sweating and tired. I became angry with women and hated them as not one of them gave me any attention. So in order to say "F**k them" I'd retreat into excessive fapping to transgendered person porn. Six weeks ago I came upon this site and I started to read some stories which were very similar to my own and a light switch went on in my head. Everything made sense. For six weeks I haven't fapped or gone near any porn. It has been the happiest time of my life. I can't emphasise that enough. No sweats, great sleeps, no anxiety, more socialising, more confidence around women and more joy. Only problem was my sex drive hit the roof. After six weeks nofap I wanted to have sex - not masturbate though. Even before porn I was curious about transgendered people, so I rang my ex-girlfriend and confessed my attraction to transsexuals. She said to go for it and see if reality reflects fantasy. So I did. Last wednesday I met a Brazilian TS escort for sex. I haven't had sex for years. The amount of time was enhanced by my nerves. I won't go into details but it gave me food for thought. The most liberating thing to discover is that I want to be a sensual and patient lover. Before I just wanted to fire one in the hole and this was a very cold experience. I've wanted cold, hard, emotionless sex with a transgendered person for years and when I got it I didn't want it. I wanted female energy and I wanted to bask in it. I wanted to make love and not f**k if you know what I mean. I was still very much attracted to the escort so after six weeks nofap the attraction to transgendered people is still there. It was just the manner of the sex that I didn't like. When I got home I fapped once and once the next day. I don't know why I did but I didn't watch any porn. Since then the triggers have been assaulting me on all fronts. I started looking at transgendered person escorts again today and spent most of my day off at the computer trawling through transgendered person escort profiles. In order to get myself away from them I decided to write this. So I'm on Day Two of my new nofap attempt. I can do six weeks again and I'm actually looking forward to it but it'll be tough this time..

 

Thanks bro.. I appreciate the support and your kind words..