47 divorced male life long porn addict

First off, I think divorces can be porn related even if you don't know it. Being addicted to porn can change how you view women, and how you act towards people in general. There's something about it that seems to make me much less like-able and less attractive while watching.

Secondly, if you really want to take control of your life, and not just get by, I would recommend quitting porn. Many people on here know how destructive porn has been to their lives. It's really just something you need to try yourself and see how it affects you. Since brain scans already show that porn can shrink the brain, it would make sense that it's not going to be good for you, because the brain is important for literally everything you do.

Another thing is, you don't always know that it is affecting your life until you quit, because the changes are very gradual for most.

Also how you mentioned about exploring your sexuality. Porn can totally create new fetishes where you might think you're interested in men, and other things like feet. If you see your tastes escalating then that is also a big sign that you are addicted, and should consider quitting it.

Hope this helps!

 

Sounds like you're doing some bargaining mate.
Basically ceasing to edge, to use porn and to masturbate allows your body to begin to heal somewhat - in preparation for using your sexual faculties to their best with another partner.
It sounds like your habits chew up a lot of time too.
Post-divorce, I don't know - acting out is probably part of the process, but you don't want to cement into highly addictive-repetitive behaviours like solo edging and PMO.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth on often times divorces are caused by porn and people have no idea. I'm a female partner of an addict. First when women cheat it almost NEVER has to do with whether they are sexually satisfied. I think men presume the reason women cheat is for the same reason they do, sexual frustration, variety etc. Women cheat when they feel neglected emotionally. When the relationship leaves them feeling like the emotional closeness they desire is not there. Men who are addicted to porn are not attentive to the female partner and they are emotionally unavailable to them. I am willing to bet that porn was the downfall of your marriage. You say your wife was fine with it but she may have never made the connection she knew something was off just what or why. And women fake orgasms a lot and men would have no idea. If you were watching porn that much there is no way it did not effect your marriage. So I think the first step is to recognize that porn did have an effect on your marriage. I read a lot of rationalization in your post. And you are not looking to date now okay then use this time to fix yourself while you are single. Unless you plan on being alone for life the PMO will kill any relationship you attempt. No woman will put up with that. It's your choice but I think you are in a bit of denial.

 

Exactlyyy, it's good to see other people think this way too! I tell people "what do you think is the leading cause in divorce?" and they usually don't have a good answer, and when I explain how it could be porn, many laugh. But really, what else could it be? We have seen a drastic rise in divorce rates since the past few years, and what also came out in the past few years? High speed internet porn. But yeah, quitting porn makes me look at women so much differently. I wan't to treat a girl with respect and have love be more important than sex. Porn desensitizes us to the point where we can't feel love anymore. Now I feel like I could be by a girl and just enjoy even cuddling with her, without the need to have sex. There's a time and place for everything, I'm not going to rush a relationship. A good one will come in time.

Also, think about your future partner guys... Would a great boyfriend/girlfriend be happy with you lusting about other people? Would you like it if your partner did that? If you don't like them doing it, then you shouldn't do it. I would be really jealous if I knew my partner was lusting about other people. If you want a great relationship, make a sacrifice and don't watch it guys.

 

Good for you that you recognize this and are on the right path. I posted in another forum awhile back something called a letter from your future wife. It basically described how hurt she would be and how she loved you and wanted to be with you but could not take the hurt. My point was fix it before you meet her. Counselors just don't ask about porn use in marriage counseling or if they do then you have those that don't think it's an actual addiction so they never get help. I often wonder how many marriages could be saved if this was addressed.

 

I don't think porn is always the problem but if you have made it to this forum you clearly think it is a problem for you. We can disagree but I can't possibly see how your porn use did not effect your relationship when you were edging for up to 8 hours at a time and spending every free moment looking at porn. That's a lot of time time you could have been spending with your wife. I will believe you if you say the new partner is a porn addict as well but I'm not sure how you as an ex husband would know the inner workings of your ex wife's new sex life? I think it's easy to say oh he makes more money it's not porn. It is porn. It is not healthy to spend that much time looking at porn certainly in a relationship but even if you are single. Think of the other things you could be doing? Think of what you are missing out on. It may take you awhile to come to this conclusion and that's okay you took the first step you are here looking for help. A woman will love you if you are kind and loving and treat her well whether you are an investment banker or not. Sure some women look for money but most don't. Consider that these days women have more advanced degrees than men so the picture of a money seeking woman is outdated. I have outearned every man I have ever dated and it makes zero difference to me. So maybe 40% of women care about your career and I think that's an over estimate. 99.9% of women do not want to date or marry a porn addict. You do the math.

 

Are you deeply happy and fulfilled with PMO in your life? Do you feel like you're the best version of yourself right now?

Pursue excellence - in your mind, in your relationships with your daughters, in your work, in your contribution to humanity. If porn helps that, then keep doing it. I have a feeling though, that you're on this site because part of you knows it is a barrier to your progress as a human being.

Don't settle for this life of enslavement to a sensation.

 

EvilEdging.. I've read all the responses to your thread, and you're clearly hear for a reason. What's done is done, you're no longer married and you're hear now asking if it's ok to continue. I'm in my 40's and I've also been PMO since before I was 10, initially magazines and later internet... I've tried stopping porn before because I hated how it took me down a dark path.. seems like you're heading that way exploring your sexuality... what I can say is this.. since making a decision to, and stopping porn my emotions are returning to normal, I'm able to feel joy with the little things in life. I have more energy than I have in years and actually have the motivation to work out again. You're clearly filling a void using porn.. it will never be filled...let me reiterate... IT WILL NEVER BE FILLED.. you will continue to edge, and you will continue to feel melancholy. The GoTo response that porn is bad... is because... porn is a socially excepted self destructive behavior which slowly kills who you are... I'm not sure how long you've been divorced, and if you have a emotional support system with friends and family.. if not... this must be a horrendous time for you. I challenge you to stop porn for two weeks... If at the end of this time you feel better... and I'm sure you will... I challenge you to make it to 28 days... Let the forum and new friends you make help you through this time.

I'm hear to talk if you need support in stopping or just to get through what you're experiencing.. not justifying why it's ok..

Shaun..

 

I'm 33 and was a porn addict for most of my life, only ever had one relationship before and it's been 10 years since I had a date, during that time I consumed shed loads of porn and it severely affected my life in the end. when you say "the internet which allowed me to explore darker, more extreme and taboo topics" that sounds like escalation to me and most people who have that trait, unless they stop will end up in prison at some point and be on the sex offenders wing, and i'm not joking. I regularly talk to other 'internet offenders' because I was one myself and I started just like you did, eventually I lost most of my interest in 'vanilla' porn and started to look for illegal stuff. If you are spending the amount of time I did viewing porn on all different kinds of sites, there will come a point where you will see stuff that pushes the boundaries of legal vs illegal, and you might think it's a grey area at first, but that's where it starts, convincing yourself that 'it's ok because it's just a photo' well porn of all types is linked to human trafficking, child abuse, drug abuse, STD's, Verbal and emotional abuse and leaves many victims in its path of destruction. Porn isn't about love or respect, it's about power and control and plays on our inner weaknesses. I've not viewed porn for over 2 years now and I have to say I wish I had stopped long ago as I would have avoided a massive shit storm further down the line. Porn addiction rarely ends well for people and only those who can learn and understand a life away from it truly understand the hold and monopoly it had on their life. I hope you find a way out..it is possible

 

What I'll tell you is that porn absolutely ruined my life. No joke. Like another person on here said, until you stop doing it, you will not tell what it's done to you.

Things it has done to me.
1. Less testosterone, killing sex drive, less aggressive and confident in social settings. (Aggressive in a good way.)
2. Made me more effeminate (you'll probably realize it after you stop)
3. Killed many social interactions I've had due to shame, and the feeling of less energy, more pacified.
4. Made me question in a way my own sexuality, despite the fact I align myself as completely and utterly straight. You're looking at guys having sex, not just women.
5. Made me not bother for relationships. Porn was my relationship.
6. It probably changed the way I acted with my then GF. I probably just wasn't the same person anymore. I was also horrible at sex due to my uncaring and selfish nature.


If I don't stop looking at porn, God said He would throw me in Hell... You will have the same fate if you don't stop.

 

Another thing I forgot to mention in my last post, probably should be number 1.

I've given up social interactions with people just to go look at porn. Even if that's simply to just play video games with my brother. I blew off my brother once just to watch porn. And now I'll never get that time back. Ever. I'm never getting that time back. I'm never getting the time I spent looking at crap I shouldn't. I'm never getting that time back. Any time I looked at porn and could have interacted with someone else I'll never get back. I love you greatly Mr. Sir. Who ever you are. I love you. I'm never getting that time back... I look back at that moment with regret. I planned that time... and I blew him off. I had such amazing times with my older brother. At the time it seemed petty and small to blow him off but now it doesn't.

I love you Mr.
I'm not getting the time I spent back.

May God and Jesus Christ bless you. May we both stop looking at porn. May God help us.

 

Brilliant! Never settle for fantasy however gripping (no pun intended) it may appear as it will always be life negating. I was sitting out in the sun yesterday and I wasn't doing anything much other than soaking up the rays but it was a million times better than the best I felt while slumped in front of a computer screen.

All of these factors have played out within my own life. I can't believe sometimes that I allowed myself to be changed from the person I always was to the pathetic artificial construct I became and I did so willingly and needlessly. Craziness.

 

Even k and gg2002 are dead right...
They seem like good advisors...take their view my friend