40 yr old / prostitute addiction / Hello !

Hi guys ! (in advance - apology for long post)

I'm sitting on my couch, it's 9:12 AM and I feel a little lethargic and slightly depressed. I didn't masturbate / ejaculate for around 10 days.

I'm 40 years old and tried NoFap from time to time since 2006 when I first discovered it. I think, my absolute longest streak was around 45 - 50 days or so. After quitting porn - and I'm ashame to admit that - I developed the addiction to visit prostitutes. Actually while writing this, I switched to a website with prostitutes and thought for a second : "fuck it, i will not write my introduction here and just give in to my addiction". It got kind of a longterm habit and i guess, I visited around 50 prostitutes in my life.

In terms of "reallife" girls, I "managed" to sleep with around 30 girls. In my early adulthood, I totally sucked with girls. Didn't have a girlfriend or the courage to walk up to a girl to introduce myself. I lost my virginity with 20 (with a hooker - damn is this fucked up ). I had my first "real" girlfriend with 28. I joined the "pickup" community with 27 and after a relatively hard try and error phase, I finally managed to date girls on a regular basis.

My childhood was kind of fucked up. I grew up with post-ww2-traumatized parents and a psychotic steph brother who hated me. I was super sensitive as boy and totally shy when it came to other people. I felt super lonely and isolated. My father was somehow unable to give the care and attention I needed. I think he was too busy with his own problems. Regarding my mother, I always tried to please her. I think, there also lies the root of my adult problems with women.

I masturbated for the first time, when I was 13 years old, in the shower. I was addicted immediately and to feel an orgasm felt like I found the holy grail of pleasure. This was back in the early 90s and internet porn didn't exist at that time. I masturbated with closed eyes while fantasizing or used Hustler or Playboy for that. As far as I remember, I masturbated around 1-3 times per day.

What i want :

- I want to connect to you guys
- I want to stop my prostitute addiction / replace it with something meaningful
- I want to stop masturbation
- I want to share my experience

Next step : Join a "Sex-Love-Addicts-Anonymous" group.

So, long story short : Here I am

 

Hey man, thanks for your reply.

Actually i dont have too much problems abstaining from PMO because my problem is now that masturbation addiction was replaced by prostitution addiction.

So what i concretely did to solve that (as i dont have control over my addiction) is joining a sex love addicts anonymous group here in my hometown.

Already had the first session.

Strategies to not fall back into pmo habbit could be :

Limit time alone at home,
Block porn-sites (including sites advertising hookers), not drinking alcohol, have meaningful relationships with others, share my addiction to others.

Patrick

 

Hi,

Steps in the transition -> stop watching porn and masturbating -> getting obsessed with sex -> checking out websites with hookers -> acting out

I think, either getting a constant girlfriend or therapy / support groups can be helpful in overcoming this kind of addiction. Still didn't solve this problem for me, so it's hard to give advice man

 

Thanks man for your encouraging words. When I read it, I was thinking how long I have been addicted to this shit. It must be also around 10 years. I was always neglecting this fact. One thing I learned from my first SLAA meeting is : I'm addicted. I was always tricking myself into : "i will never do this again" after seeing a hooker. But I did it, even though I didn't want to do it. So I have to admit, that I don't have control over it. But the addiction has control over me. And i want help.

Actually, I'm happy and it relieves me to find people here, who can relate to my experience !

 

yes, thanks

 

Update : I joined SLAA and after the 2nd meeting i "relapsed" with PMO. Didn't feel too bad about it as it's far better for me compared to going to a hooker. Rough ride ahead !