40 YEARS OF PMO 30 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

Looking back, I can see the mistakes that I would make, some I would learn after the first mistake but unfortunately many more took a long adventure to discover and make mistakes. Growing up as a kid, and from a broken home and being homeless at a young age, one would think I would appreciate anything that was before me. However I would waste and continue to waste some of the greatest gifts I was given.

About 1984 I met my future wife, she was beautiful, smart and had been to dance, and gymnastics. So then as I look back I would I ever falter the way I did into PMO? Makes absolutely no sense as I had everything at the time. We both had jobs making enormous amounts of money, we could go anywhere and do anything. We got married four years later after meeting, and three years later have our first child. We would then eventually end up with two boys by 1995.

I would say the beginning of the end of things as I knew them were in the mid-80s when computers were something I was very well-versed at, and had access to all the technology including PMO material, that was news to the Internet but if you knew the way it was easy access for absolutely free.

I can look back now, and see major mistakes that I made. Yet I would make them all over again several times before I would correct myself. I became involved with alcohol, at a young age but I swore it was something I would avoid doing my father being an alcoholic. However I did not avoid it and that was just the beginning of the addictions I would go after. I realize like everybody else many of us could write a novel based on the ins and outs that we have discovered over the years. I do not think the fact that it's taken me four years to fix some of this is the issue. As I see the exact duplicated issue when I see others in this forum writing and their 20s.

I won't go into too many personal details, but might need this to say just about everything one can do when mixed in with this type of addiction I accomplished. And nearly accomplish losing the only woman I ever loved.
As I sit back now and look at the past, I can see the fool, and idiot I was. I lost a lot of time being involved with PMO, and also had friends that were involved in that at the time to making access and some kind of weird twisted, bonding experience that would encourage me and my so called friends into a life of destruction. I wonder if you could have been worse? I suppose it could have as I will be celebrating my dirty first wedding anniversary in just a couple of months. Somehow I will never know how I managed to salvage this one thing. I have an amazing relationship with my sons. And it helped them avoid the same trouble I got into. I can see that neither one of them are involved heavily or even remotely in PMO. I do fear for my oldest son who seems to enjoy alcohol quite a bit. I wonder how that will play out in the years to come hopefully he remains unsteady path he is on right now being a good husband to his family.

I am writing this today, to let everyone know that it may feel like you will lose everything, and I have lost a lot. But somehow even after all this time and all the selfishness and betrayal, things with my relationship still exist. I know it's hard at times, I can look at her know that her mind must be wondering based on either a moment in history, a TV show or a movie, and I can't help see myself as a person that could fit the actor on TV. But I've tried to be a better person, and they continue to not give up the hope that I will end this someday.

Thanks for reading