365-day monk/nun mode, then Karezza

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by EmmyB, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Yes, if she's aroused by the situation or caressing her elsewhere, or if you use a lubricant.
     
  2. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    Ok _ I meant really that if you have penetrative sex does that not stimulate the clitoris in any case? So you cannot avoid that.
     
  3. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    No, if you're careful there's no risk of clitoral stimulation.
     
  4. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I wish you every success @EmmyB. I think to be careful to avoid clitoral stimulation you will need a very understanding man - possibly one who is ok with giving up his own orgasm. I think by staying within these parameters as a couple you could experience deep love and another kind of joy.
    For the meantime distancing yourself from the power of the O is very worthwhile and perhaps will put you in a better position to help your future man in a similar struggle. Good luck!
     
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  5. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Disaster! At the start of the year a really hot guy joined where I work and from time to time I've fantasised about him, despite trying not to. Last night I dreamt of having very energetic sex with him and woke up having a huge climax. I was upset and angry with myself and ended up flicking the bean to comfort myself and get off to sleep. So two orgasms in a few hours.

    As I've committed to a year without orgasm before starting to date, the possibility of one day having a husband and kids has been put back by more than seven months. This is a disaster. I'm so angry with my dirty mind and lack of self control.
     
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  6. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    @EmmyB,

    Relax. Breathe. In spite of how you feel about it, this isn't a disaster and it isn't the end of the world. Don't you realize that these things happen all the time because you are an imperfect human being? We all are. Please don't be so hard on yourself and please don't beat yourself up over it. These things happen all the time to everyone. And truth be known, deep down inside of a lot of people who pretend they don't ever masturbate, probably do the same type of thing from time to time. Would you say that someone who masturbates once every 7 months has a problem? I wouldn't. Yes, I know you're going through recovery, and that's what makes you different. That's what makes me different. That's what makes us different. But once every 7 months is also what makes us the same as everybody else.

    I hope you find this message as uplifting and as encouraging as it is intended to be.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2019
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  7. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    I really admire your motivation and commitment even though I don't 100% agree with forgoing O for the rest of your life as long as you don't overdo it and place it above your husband and his needs I feel I'm ok with it as long as their is a healthy balance. Other than that I do see the great value and need for Karezza as a great tool to cultivate true intimacy and I learned about it thanks to your post. Thanks for sharing! Don't be so hard on yourself about your relapse you can bounce back and start all over. Stay happy and optimistic :)
     
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  8. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I am so sorry to hear about this @EmmyB - but the others are right - you really should not be too hard on yourself. Two orgasms in 7 months is not much. I know you wish to eliminate them but this is an excellent start.
    You cannot control your dreams. What you can do is to re-double your efforts to stop masturbating. You say you comforted yourself after the climax. Maybe you could have got up and diverted yourself to another activity Or just folded you arms across your chest and concentrated on calming your breathing down. One thing you need to be very vigilant about now is the "chaser effect". Having experienced a huge climax your body will want more. Resolve never again to touch yourself down there in that way. Good luck!
     
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  9. Hannanander

    Hannanander Fapstronaut

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    Dear Emmy, I'm sorry to hear about this setback of yours. How are you doing now, now that a couple of weeks have passed? Specifically, how are your thought processes evolving regarding this undeniably quite hard core project of yours? Please forgive me for joining the choir here, but seeing that having an orgasm in your sleep is not something that you have control over, it seems to me that you are making things far harder for yourself, in excess of what is reasonable. Suppose, in the worst case, that you will experience a spontaneous orgasm in your sleep every eleventh month. Then you will be robbing yourself of the future you desire, unnecessarily, as I see it, due to circumstances that are out of your own control.

    Now, in a way I guess you should be thankful that this question is somewhat moot in this particular instance, since you chose to masturbate deliberately afterwards anyway. If you are steadfast to reset your one year clock from there, then so be it, but please think in advance of what you will do next time when (not if) you have an orgasm in your sleep. Will you be able to discount it, or will you again feel that you have failed? Is it possible that your decision to masturbate last time was in fact at least partly triggered by your attitude towards the orgasm that you had just experienced: i.e., that you felt that you had to reset anyway, so what does one more orgasm on the same night matter?

    If you are willing to share your thoughts on this matter, I would be curious to hear them. In any case, I wish you all the best!
     
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  10. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    I understand but I think it happened because of my own fantasies and dirty thoughts about that guy. So although I was sleeping, I'm to blame. My goal is to have orgasm and the thirst for it fully out of my system before I start dating and looking for my future husband, which is why I want to go a year.
     
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  11. +TenPercent

    +TenPercent Fapstronaut

    I really respect how you take responsibility for what happened in your sleep - it's inspiring me to take more responsibility for my own "slips" as well.

    As for the one year requirement that you have put upon yourself, I think that is a noble goal as well. It is not uncommon for people in recovery to suggest not dating for the first year and it is that much more fitting if your addiction is to orgasms.

    Orgasms are a want, not a need. And the same applies to romantic relationships. Taking a full year off from either won't kill anyone. There is so much more to life than sex and romance. And taking a year off from orgasms will only open your eyes and your senses to all the wonderful things that life has to offer . . . instead of dulling your senses.

    Your journey here has really been inspiring for me and fully support you in what you are trying to achieve. :)
     
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  12. freeit

    freeit Fapstronaut

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    Hello EmmyB

    Read your forum thoroughly. This is the first time I'm reading about Karezza. It sounds interesting.
    This will definitely improve the closeness. Thank you for talking about it in this forum.
    And I like the fact that you admit your disasters and stay true to the forum.
    I wish you to stay strong and find a good husband soon.
    Whats your streak now?
     
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