365-day monk/nun mode, then Karezza

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by EmmyB, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. SomeRandomNatty

    SomeRandomNatty Fapstronaut

    I'm not a therapist and I don't want to step on your toes but what if you have an 'inferiorty complex' and believe that you don't deserve an orgasm? I mean, the rational choice would be having normal orgasms wich you only get from your SA, or not?
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2018
  2. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    I don't think that's the case. Maybe the reverse. In the past I've chased orgasm at the expense of losing what I now know were amazing guys. Masturbation or great sex were the substitute for truly good men and loving relationships.

    My take is that there's nothing rational about having orgasms. It creates dopamine addiction, depletes energy and stops us living in the present.
     
  3. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Premenstrual again! Literally sitting here with legs apart looking at my clit and desperately tempted to touch! Grrrr!
     
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  4. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Stay strong, you've got this! We're here for you!
     
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  5. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Just realised my last relapse was on 24 June. So if I make it through to Christmas day that'll be exactly six months without orgasm. Yay! Half my target of a year, which means I can then start dating guys again and trying to find 'the one'. Definitely no Is though, not making that mistake again!
     
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  6. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Six months? Good job! I hope you can find "the one", you've worked so hard to get this far. Keep it up!
     
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  7. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @EmmyB

    Just curious.....when you are premenustral....what are the emotions you feel. Usually there are some other feelings as well.

    Also what have you observed/learned about yourself during this time. How has it affected you mentally?

    Be great for you to share and help/encourage others.

    Stay strong
     
  8. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    At first being premenstrual made me uptight, full of energy, wanting orgasms. As time has gone on that has changed, now I'm more focused on (trigger alert) wanting a man, the feeling of a man's hot body next to me, the act of having a penis inside me, that kind of thing. Also the yearning for a life partner, a good man not just a sexual match, and for children.

    What I've learned about myself is that I'm stronger than I thought. Had a couple of lapses early on but none for almost 6 months. Keeping simple rules is crucial: mine are don't touch the clit and no men in my life. It has made me more confident and self reliant.
     
  9. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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    Emmy you are a great honest person to be sharing with us your journey. Great you made it so far. I am trying to reach my first 40 days. Don't know how long I have been struggling with this but definitely have realized like you, I need to get my life in order and leave P and M. Hope your journey keeps going smooth and you get what you are looking for. I know that feeling of sitting and resisting touching certain parts of your body. Just remember, the short term pleasure is not worth the long term regret.

    Also, want to give you a heads up: After you find the right person, it will not be the end of your struggles. Once you are married or with someone 'right', remember that they will not replace porn. What I mean by that is, that your partner is not an orgasm machine that you can use anytime you have an urge. They are there for support. But, the will to resist porn and control your urge to m or orgasm by yourself is still your battle to fight.

    By saying all of that, I am not trying to discourage you. I am just saying that you are on the right path and that what you are fighting now and gaining in self control, will help you even when you are with a partner. The will to fight the urge to give in to porn or to masturbate, is important even after you have a partner because they will not always be available. So, the emotional and physical will power you are developing now, will help you in the future to stabilize your relationship.

    So, keep it up, wish you all the best. remember we are here for you, if you want to vent. It helps to know that there are many, many men and women that are struggling day to day, with the same thing you are struggling it. Also, one other heads up for you. When you are with the right person, and you are honest with them, the feelings of happiness and joy are so good. More than the physical intimacy, it is good to have the emotional intimacy and that stability is wonderful.

    keep in touch.
     
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  10. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you. When I do hopefully start a relationship it's my intention to remain orgasm-free, either dating without sex or practising karezza. I'm determined that I've had the last orgasm I will ever experience!

    Recently I started reading about psychology. The pioneering psychologist Sigmund Freud said girls and women focusing their sexuality on the clitoris is a sign of immaturity and when we develop adult maturity we should grow out of that and instead prefer penetration. He wrote before feminism really became a thing and that has pushed us into expecting orgasms and believing it's OK to touch the clitoris. Perhaps that was a bad direction for women to take. That's definitely my thinking right now.
     
  11. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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  12. Max Dudent

    Max Dudent Fapstronaut

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    This is interesting. In a way, if you think that you have had the last orgasm of your life and you are ok with it. It may work for you. Because you said you want children, well, the woman does not need to have an orgasm to have children, just the guy needs to. If you are ok with no orgasm in your life, I do not see a problem with it if you do not see a problem with it.

    I applaud and commend you for that attitude, I really have not seen that on here before, any one, man or woman, stating that they are giving up on orgasms completely. But, you know what, it may drive you to successfully reaching your goal. I think if you end up with your partner and you end up having an orgasm, it would be OK. I would not prohibit yourself from having an orgasm if you are with a partner and it is organic. But, setting a goal of no orgasm till that moment comes is a great goal.

    For me, I am married, so I can set a similar goal of absolutely no orgasm, no edging by myself. Other than when I am with my partner. I will not stress about the orgasm, with my partner if it happens great, if not, then that's fine. I realized that I have lived a very orgasm-centric life so far. Chasing after it my whole life, one time after another. But, I will give this a try, absolutely no orgasm unless with a partner. Even then, karezza is more of a goal with sex than getting to an orgasm. Thanks for throwing in this concept into the nofap conversation pool.

    I think treating an orgasm as an enemy may be too extreme for the broader nofap community but if it works for you, great! When you are with a partner, I would just go with the flow. If you still want to maintain a no orgasm zone even with a partner and if he agrees with you, then great! Maybe he could orgasm, but you do not have to. But, take it a step at a time, and I wish you all the best.
     
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  13. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    This is interesting @EmmyB. As I struggle with my masturbation habit I realise that the "quest for another orgasm" is at its centre. If we could let the orgasm go could we ultimately be more at peace? Is that why you wish to only do Karezza?
     
  14. Moniq

    Moniq Fapstronaut

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    I am taking inspiration from this right now. I would not dare to dream about forgoing orgasms for good, but you have a point. There is an interesting website reuniting [peace between sheets] and one can find a lot of information there. Abandoning orgasmic experience is not necessarily bad idea, but it requires a good, clear motivation and cultivation of willpower.
     
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  15. Loveless-J.R.A

    Loveless-J.R.A Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Been reading a lot about karezza... and I successfully stopped myself from O in dreams about 3 times for this year. Thank you for this journal.
    Safe to say I'm actually no PMO!
     
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  16. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that and the belief that I could have a more meaningful and close spiritual connection with a man if I didn't have the highs and lows of orgasm to contend with.
     
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  17. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I agree with you @EmmyB - but the orgasm is such a siren! How do we let it go?
     
  18. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    @EmmyB - do you think that the future man in your life should also forgo orgasms? That would be a big ask - to achieve a full karezza
     
  19. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    I'd prefer that, unless we were trying for a child obvs. But I know not many guys are into it so if I found a guy I really loved and who loved me but he refused to give up orgasms then I'd be OK with that. The absolute condition is that I don't want them so he'd have to agree no clitoral contact or stimulation. If a guy can't agree to that I'm not interested, it's about respecting my choices.
     
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  20. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    I had sex unexpectedly with my wife this morning. It was very good. I was happy to give up my orgasm, so I could see karezza as a possibility The sex was still very good. Can you have penetration without clitoral stimulation?
     

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