365-day monk/nun mode, then Karezza

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by EmmyB, Jun 8, 2018.

  1. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm Emmy. I'm 25 and live in the UK.

    After a series of destructive relationships and break-ups caused I believe by being addicted to orgasm, I want to get 100% clean, rebooted, then have an intentional and meaningful relationship with one man who I hope will be my future life partner and the father of my children.

    To this end I'm on day 11 of what I hope will be 365 days without masturbation, edging, sex, looking at porn or any other sexual stimulation. If I fail (including wet dreams) I'll start the counter back at zero.

    Once I've achieved a year on monk (or nun) mode I'll start dating. Only one guy at a time, and no sex until I'm sure he's 'the one'. And sex for me from now on will mean karezza, so no orgasms or clitoral stimulation. For me the pleasure motive gets in the way of making a spiritual connection, dopamine masks oxytocin/serotinin, the clitoris diverts sexuality from the vagina.

    I've spent my time from 17 to 25 having meaningless relationships, masturbating, being selfish and hurting the few men who meant anything to me. I want my 30s to be full of love, sharing and children's laughter. So now is the start of my transition from a trashy life to a fulfilling one.
     
  2. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Great you can this
    Stay strong :)
     
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  3. Wordinhaler

    Wordinhaler Fapstronaut

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    Hear hear, wow girl I'm in the same boat I made it to six months. And I like that you are choosing if they're the one before you have intercourese XD... Goodluck hun and I'm more interested in a good kissing session making out whatever its called than being stimulated by touching down there yeno I agree with you all that is so more fulfilling in a way I hope I'm making sense anyway thank you for posting this it's greatly appreciated an I'm a wimp I haven't posted on the forum yet I'm nervous I don't know why
     
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  4. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Six months is great. That's longer than I've gone since I was literally ten years old.

    Yes, I'd like to be able to have a good kissing session with a guy without it leading to sex, him going down on me or me flicking the bean once he's gone. That's what I'm aiming for! Surely I can find the strength?
     
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  5. Wordinhaler

    Wordinhaler Fapstronaut

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    Wow I was 10 when I started we got a house computer an I wish we hadn't now but I was molested at 6 so I was aware of things an now I'm addicted to just yeno mo when I get angry I'm so friggen weird... An Yeah six months I never thought I could break the pattern but, one of the first few days of nopmo, I felt a warm content feeling no shame just lovely butterflies had slept without urges an fantasising an I knew then this nopmo is our natural state well it should be lol but yeah, hopefully when you do meet a guy you can share about nopmo if it's feels alright I'm a queer woman btw so I'm hoping to find another woman on the same-wavelenght.
     
  6. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, you're inspiring me to think I can do the same. So far it's hard. I keep having fantasies and getting aroused, I want to touch myself so much or ride some random guy and its just 12 days out of 365. I've thrown out my sex toys but there's still my fingers.
     
  7. Scott93

    Scott93 Fapstronaut

    I am the male you! Loved the life until i didn't. I'll keep going strong if you do haha. Keep blogging, relating to someone helps with the seemingly impossible battle ahead. Because it's beyond porn addiction, it's sex addiction aswell, double wammy. Best wishes in it, stay strong, the end goal is perfect but we got to earn it right!
     
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  8. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    OK young lady, I want to start of by commending you on your knowledge of “dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, the spiritual connection, etc. You’ve done some research, and that makes me smile. So I just want to come out first and tell you how proud I am of you for that. That’s great!


    Now for the rest of this, I also want to include @Wordinhaler because the same applies to her. Oh, and let’s incude @Scott93 for good measure.


    Setting your eyes on 365 days is a very tall order. Why don’t you temper it closer to where you currently are? Focusing on one day at a time, I’d set my eye on 14 days, then 28, then 60, then 90, then 120, etc. You get the idea. You’re on to a great beginning.


    I WOULD NOT reset my counter on a wet dream. You cannot control a wet dream, period, end of story. Any other pornography, masturbatory, or orgasm related thing? Feel free to reset your counter. But the plan is not to have to reset it anyway, right?


    Now let’s talk about some of the other dysfunctional stuff. Any man who has a sex addiction would dream to meet a woman who was addicted to orgasm. Both addicts would feed off of one another, each only working toward consideration for their own need for a dopamine fix. What a self centered selfish existence. The entire scenario would be great right up until the relationship collapses on itself. It also constitutes a very shallow relationship.


    I love your “…intentional and meaningful relationship with one man…” approach because that’s working toward intimacy. That is so paramount to a successful mental, emotional, and physical relationship. You’re looking ahead and that’s great. But I also want you to consider the things/ideas you have about kareeza, no orgasms and clitoral stimulation. When you are in pursuit of intimacy, you’re in it for that intimate spiritual connection. Do not deprive yourself of all of the chemicals your brain can produce that tends to solidify that connection between you and your partner. In the ideal scenario, you relinquish responsibility for your sexual arousal and he relinquishes responsibility for his. If both of you are doing things right, you are not focused on your sexual arousal. You are focused on his. And his focus is on yours.


    *TRIGGER WARNING*

    So, in a hypothetical relationship with you, my focus would be to do everything I could to bring you pleasure. That doesn’t mean I focus all of my attention on your clitoris. That means I send you love notes all day long. That means I give you all these small little gifts all week. That means that I give you constant smiles, hugs, and kisses every time I pass you by (where appropriate mind you). All of these, since you know what they are, build up a lot of oxytocin. I’ve been pleasuring you all week long, all day long, all hours long, and I haven’t even so much as touched any other part of your body. As we get closer, have more and more intimate time together with one another, engaged in conversation (and yes, I actually listen to you and take a genuine interest in what you have to say and what is going on in your life). And while I continue all of these things, I nibble on your ears. Massaging your body, and gradually migrate to other more private areas of your body. And I’m not going to go any deeper than that because this is the point I want to make right here. Everything I have done thus far has led to you becoming sexually aroused. You didn’t do that. I did. But why did I do that? Because my focus is on YOU. My energy, my intimacy, my efforts are all geared toward providing pleasure for you. Not me. YOU! And all the while, I haven’t given the first consideration to having an orgasm myself. Why? Because that is not my interest. My interest is providing you with the ultimate pleasure for you whatever that looks like. All of this intimacy evolves into sexual arousal. But the key here is that for each of you, the intimacy is targeted toward the other and not ones’ self. Make sense? So if/when you go down this path, DO NOT deny yourself those very important chemical surges you want to occur naturally as a result of this genuinely intimate relationship you are involved in. And I apologize in advance for the hypothetical scenario, but I just didn’t know a better more sufficient way to convey the message.


    I hope this all makes sense, and I have such high hopes for you. “…I want my 30s to be full of love, sharing and children's laughter…” is a noble goal. If you have any questions/comments, please feel free to reach out. I can’t wait to watch your progress as you evolve and beat this thing.
     
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  9. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Now on day 26. Premenstrual. Climbing the walls with horniness. Not good!
     
  10. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed last night, day 27. Half awake half asleep, erotic dreams, went back to how I was as a kid, not touching my clot but rubbing and squeezing my thighs together. Climaxed .

    In my defence, crazy levels of PMS. That's what got me last month too. Should I maybe go back on the pill to try to take the edge off then peaks? How do other women handle the peak in sex drive and tension that comes around ovulation?
     
  11. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I can’t speak for your hormones, but what I can speak for is your relapse. Get up, dust yourself off, and climb back up on your saddle and ride that horse again. This doesn’t define you. Progress, not perfection. Now you know what your new bar is. Set it for 27 days, and shoot to Achieve 27 days. You already know you can do 27 days, so that is a milestone you know you can achieve. You’re doing fine.
     
  12. Foxislander

    Foxislander Fapstronaut

    Wow this is an interesting read I'm on day 95 of hardmode pmo with my wife. We signed and abstinence contract with an extension until the 22nd of December which will make it 275 days we're on a marital reboot. I can only tell you how much Clarity I still have but I still get cloudy thoughts every now and then and it's all because of the arousal from within the physical part is much easier to control now my boner is only used to point it the direction of the coffee maker at this point or to take the covers off in the morning.. We can actually snuggle I can even get a boner and with my mind I can make it go away I don't have to act on it we are getting to know each other on a level I've never known possible for before and that is true intimacy we're actually reaching into the souls of each other, sex being completely removed from a relationship does a lot to increase the value of that relationship. I can you it's always good to have someone to talk with but it is definitely is something that you have to deal with in those fleeting moments. God will decide and my wife will choose when we decide to have sexual intimate relations again otherwise I'm perfectly fine with it there is no way I would ever want to start over again so for me relapse is not even an option have I thought of it but think about this for a second you have your mind, your brain, your body. What controls what the brain controls the body the Mind controls the brain therefore the Mind controls the body right? So in other words if you don't mind it don't matter? It take some training to understand that and to grasp it it's really called neuroplasticity which is a form of reshaping your brain and the habits that it has through your processes in your mind and your relations with a greater power bless everyone and your path God loves you and is still shaping you into the person that you will become.
     
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  13. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Pleased to say I just got through another ovulation cycle, this time without O. Didn't touch myself at all, no pelvic floor exercises (they can sometimes trigger it), no shower head, no nothing. Day 36 of what I hope will be a lifetime without orgasm :)
     
  14. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Good job keep it up
    I wish you a lifetime without orgasm
    Keep it up and stay strong :)
     
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  15. SomeRandomNatty

    SomeRandomNatty Fapstronaut

    I don't think this is fair. You have no control over this
     
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  16. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Though I'm still determined to avoid them. This is partly because I think they result from sexual fantasies, poor diet etc, all of which I want to avoid. But it's mostly because I think orgasm is inherently a destructive and addictive experience and I'm determined not to have them any more.
     
  17. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    Hey EmmyB you’re an inspiration I’d like to start the monk mode.
    How’s the monk mode going with you?
    And what’s your streak now?
     
  18. EmmyB

    EmmyB Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, it's going OK. Not counting the days, generally I feel OK until I ovulate then get menstrual cramps (sorry if TMI) so now I'm counting how many cycles I've survived without giving in. One so far.
     
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  19. Maltheal

    Maltheal Fapstronaut

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    That’s really great I wish yoi the best in your journey
     
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  20. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    This journal has been a pretty good read, I love how you're very determined to see through this challenge that has a very clear and measurable goal. This sounds like a good start.

    I too am looking to meet my goals for the purpose of finding the right partner out of love and for a bright future. I wish you the best!
     
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