[365-CHALLENGE] THE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 2/365.

 

I pray to God that all of you will be free from the harm of pornography!
I have been addicted to pornography for nearly twenty years, and these twenty years are extremely painful. The pain that pornography brings to me is far greater than joy. I am 34 years old, and I hope that every day of my remaining life will be completely divorced from pornography.
Bless you all

 

Thanks, bless you, too

 

Check-in day 125 of 365.

 

you can do it.
human being have more potential than they think. Rumi

 

Day 81.

 

I am up for the 365 day challenge.
I'm currently on day 15 and my victory link is here

 

Day 107 of 275 towards 180, More than likely 365 it seems as though that’s the way that God is pointing me to go, After being evaluated and talking to some people that have really valuable opinions and a lot of knowledge and thinks that I’m gonna have to go to the 275 day mark and honor our abstenence contract. I had a funny feeling that I’ve got this worse than I thought, I will be checking These post regularly morning, Afternoon, and evening, I will spend approximately 10 minutes each time so I can put my energy into other things God bless and Godspeed with her journey hard mode PMO all the way. I think it’s God‘s way of saying keep on challenging yourself and just let things fall in the place the longer I go the more that I’ll know

 

Day 14/365

 

Relapsed. MO'ed yesterday to gain relief from some tension and anxiety. I am feeling very lethargic and tired today. I have had a persistent headache.

 

toxic environment have been always the main reason i escaped toward porn from reality.

I think my problem have more pschychologic root than physical, my body have learned escaping from reality toward fantasy and pmo or fmo whenever i face with unpleasant situations. whenever i feel down or face with one of my main problem in life ,i become more vulnerable to have an inclination to watch porn and or fantasizing and some how masterbation, despite the fact that i am a young doctor and have a fitness body.this issue in my life is my family ,my brother and my sister even sometimes my mother.
despite the fact that i have made my best effort to help them to progress,they have done the things to get me down,they have been mean to me.i think because they are jealous.so be thankful for a good family that you have , unfortunately i don't have a good brother, he was the first person who showed me porn, he have been ill-tempered toward me since when i was a kid, after a time i grew up i managed to stand in front of him and his bad behavior (i,e he used to force me to do things that was a task related to him like making tea or turning the tv on or things that he wannted to do..)
my sister have been also mean to me,despite the fact that i was nice to her, and this was a very bad problem of my life.
fortunately after 10 or 15 years i have reached to the point that i am more successful than they are in terms of academic life and career( but still lots of works need to be done to reach my desired point.)
i said these sentences because i discovered one of my main problem that cause me to watching porn and masterbating or escaping from reality .
i watched porn and masterbated again today after my latest relapse three days ago .
i am not happy nor angry . i think i found my real reason why i do fmo or pmo.
it is the toxic and bad environment and people that i live with them in spite of the fact that i don't like to live with them.
it is my body's response to tolerate reality when i feel bad because of this environment.this makes me to escape from reality to fantasy and what way better than porn or fmo.(if one forget about the consequences).
for a first step i need to change the way i feel in this environment that i live in by changing my beliefs and attitudes toward things that are occurring in my environment and the second step is to move to a better circle and environment.
i have also noticed that whenever i am feeling good and i am where i like i don't like to watch porn,even i consider it as a wrong thing to do.
i should change my outlook and my actions toward environment.
i should turn my attention to the point and condition i wanna become and i wanna reach,and also the state of body and finance that i like to achiave. (to become completely independent of my family)
the cravings coming toward me when i am face with my brother and sister that have been always invaded my privacy from my personal stuff to my university's circle.
i should get rid of the wrong people and environment ,my brother have been always mean to me ,he slept with my teacher's wife ,he slept with another person's wife, that later leads into bringing the stress and chaos into home,he have been always a porn watcher.my brother don't have any character .
thinking about these things have been always the main thing that was deteriorating my mental power and pushing me toward escaping from reality.

i should reset my counter because i watched porn for 4 hours and masterbated two times.

i relapsed agian ,not because i had a stressful exam (because i did a good job on that) and not because it is a very sensitive period that i should try to be clean for a week after a relapse but because of facing with my sister that is coming into home. she is also don't have any character ..
from now on i think it is wise to shift my thougths toward the things that is in harmony with my brilliant future and is in hamony with my desired states of being. and also toward enhancing my mental knowledge and d d d more importantly shifting my attention toward the thoughts that are constructive and build my future .it is wise to don't allocate any room for the things that are deteriotating my mental energy and ruin my body and future.

i hope this experience would be helpful to determining another rebooter's cause to figuring out their root of inclination toward wrong things ,pmo and fmo or mo.
day 0/

 

there is no need to be worry about,just find the reason and solve it.
by the way exercising in the morning helps a lot.

 

Day 7/365

 

Day 7/365

 

Day 8/365

I've noticed that I have allowed my newfound energy to lead me to be argumentative. Today I am seeking to be more gracious.

 

Day 5/365.

 

You are not alone in this, I can definitely relate, and no doubt others here can as well. Escapism, self-medicating, and also what I would call "pre-emptive relapses" ahead of something I don't want to face. I've also had it where when something great happens and I feel on top of the world, a couple days later relapsing and snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory - deflating everything to a low level again.

Here is an interesting post which also echoes some of what you have said:
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/the-top-3-fatal-mistakes-rebooters-make.5734/

We need to allow the healing process to do its job, and instead of distancing ourselves from life, do the opposite and escape from disordered sexuality, distance ourselves completely from that spiritual black hole, and deal with life's battles.

You've been doing great as it is, but you're not done yet. With this thing uprooted and discarded, the years ahead can only unfold to become much, much greater than we could even imagine!

 

So I am at the theater and for the last 45 minutes even now when I touch and hold my wife's hand I get an extrodinary surge of energy it's not sexual but conectedness I whispered in her ear I think I feel that love has arrived and is not ever leaving, it's real made me tear up. I believe in the power of Gods healing heart for sure!! Amen , submit and surrender to God makes all other things are possible!!

 

Day 24

 

Day 2.

I am sure I have got control this time and have finally won over the relapse effects and chaser effect. Looking for a better week after being through my worst weeks of nofap journey.

Let's fight for this beautiful life