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36 and a virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Leone, Dec 12, 2015.

  1. Leone

    Leone Fapstronaut

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    To be honest I didn't know i would still be a virgin at 36, I thought i would have sex by now. Years have gone so quick for the last 5 years and I don't understand how I keep being a virgin. I guess it's my fault as well for not stopping PMO, I should have stopped many years ago so that my ED would get better too. When I stopped PMO for over a month, my erections were getting a lot better and i was stronger. Guys I am putting so my pressure on myself to have sex, I am going out there trying to talk to girls, and even though there are girls out there who like me, I feel a little afraid to ask them for sex because in my mind I feel shame, guilt, and I feel like I am not doing the right thing. Perhaps that's the way I was brought up, people around me made me feel ashamed for little things, or made me feel guilty for unimportant things. Now that I am a grown up man, I find it so difficult to change, I find it so f...... difficult to have sex, albeit I really want to do it, I feel so attracted to ladies, I just want to hug a lady and make her feel good too. I want to change this situation but I don't find enough courage, I find it very difficult to take risks because I am afraid something will go wrong. I have a couple of books about sex, but books will be books, they don't give you any experience. If I can't do it with someone I don't care about, I really really hope to find the right person soon because I can't take this f...... shit anymore. I have to control my emotions asap. Funny thing though is that i know a few women, I just need courage, control of my emotions and to stop PMO for good. I guess if I have a combination of these things, everything will turn in my favour.
     
  2. I think you know what you need to do, dude. Just go out there and do it. I don;t mean just go out there and have sex, but you know, speak to women and make yourself known.

    Don't put any woman on a pedestal. Just talk to whoever you like. They are just humans too like you and I, they poop and fart, have morning breath too. Go on dates, work towards a relationship and then have great sex. Easy.

    The more you view women as an obstacle, or as some sort of royalty, the more difficult and complex this becomes. Stay grounded and know it's your birthright to find love and have wonderful sex. Go out there and do it, and make plans for all of this to happen this week. You have the power to do it. No more excuses bro.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2015
    HopeFaith, XPiRED and a2m1r0 like this.
  3. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I'm right there with you man, 28 here. I've tried, albeit not hard enough, but I've put myself out there, and what I've learned, bar none, is you gotta have confidence. You've got to forget about how much you want it, as hard as that is for me to say, because I want it just as badly as you do, it literally knaws at the back of my mind every single time I see a couple.

    By putting pressure on yourself you end up trying too hard and then you get nervous when it comes to asking them out or trying to make a good impression. You basically have to say f*** it and just put yourself out there and if they don't like it, their loss and you're probably better off without them. I've tried very hard, in fact WAY too hard, in the past to make girls like me, but when it's not there it's not there, and when you try to force things it just makes it worse.

    Have confidence in yourself, what you do for a living and what your hobbies are. And just keep putting yourself out there, eventually you'll gain that confidence by having successes. When you fail to make connections, just dust yourself up and go to the next one. And don't worry so much about the virginity thing, it'll happen when it happens. Putting too much pressure on that won't help anyone.

    As a side note here's a quick story to how bad my frustration was and how I need to learn to get over it and not put that pressure on myself. Back in the summer I went out to a movie with a girl and we talked for about an hour afterwards. Somewhere along the conversation it veered off about how frustrated I am with being alone and not having a girlfriend (talking about previous dates and my lack of success, not even thinking about her from a girlfriend perspective) and I could tell she lost all interest in me right there. Looking back I sounded pretty pathetic (which is what she probably thought).

    We need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves, I can't speak for everyone, but I know that's the number one excuse I've made for myself for why I'm still 28 and have never had a girlfriend. Just going to have to man the f*** up.
     
    HopeFaith and Leone like this.
  4. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    So true. I had a talk with a girl I was really in to and I did something similar to you. I started to talk about how hard it is for me to have a relationship etc. This is such a big turn off for girls. I think before that she had some interest in me but she lost it when I was putting myself down.
    Just believe in yourself guys and if a girl asks about your past relationships, just say: "I just haven't found the right girl yet" and stop presenting yourself worse than you are. I had to learn this the hard way, but I did which I'm glad about. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a whiner. Imagine you went out with a girl and she keeps putting herself down. Would you wanna be with that person?
     
  5. tyyyr

    tyyyr Fapstronaut

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    Why don't you just get an escort first? I mean I know its not for everyone I'm not into them too but in this situation just get an escort few times I bet it will help to build confidence.

    I'm bit different I'm not a virgin but P fucked me up and after reboot I think I'll try it out on a escort you know to avoid shame and etc.
     
    Merlionno likes this.
  6. Leone

    Leone Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Guys for your comments! I will try my best from now on, I have to..
     
    AlltheRageBackHome likes this.
  7. Leone

    Leone Fapstronaut

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    I am getting better because I used to be very anxious! This is the reason that we have to quit PMO so that we can get better and more confident. Yes, it's better to talk about yourself in the third person perhaps, lol.. I bet it helps.
     
  8. Leone

    Leone Fapstronaut

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    You are right! I have not tried enough, PMO hasn't let me try enough. I have to go ou there and focus on the goal. I guess I am afraid to commit to a relationship, because I don't want to end up with someone who will make my life miserable or someone I am not going to like in the future. That is the problem, I haven't been resolute, and I have been afraid to kiss those frogs. Perhaps it's time for me to start and kiss them. Thanks for the advice..
     
  9. i have been trying to look at the bright side, we still have things to look forward to!!!
     
  10. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Find someone you can be yourself around. Friendships can lead to more. So you're socially awkward and a virgin... Some girls might find that endearing and be more than happy to "teach you the ropes".
    When I was 35 I went out with a 21 yr virgin. Not everyone is closed minded. Get yourself out there and no p or m!!
     
    Red Eagle likes this.
  11. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    That's pretty cool that you dated a 21 year old virgin. I'd love to find a older woman to go out with but always thought experienced women don't want an unexperienced man.
    I am not really that interested in girls my age (some at least). They tend to act childish. I hate that. If there's one thing that's unattractive about women, it's that girlie behaviour that so many young girls have. I find it very attractive when a woman is down to earth and I can just talk to her. That makes me feel more comfortable around them. Older women tend more to be like that. Women in there 30s are gorgeous anyway.
     
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  12. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes guys with more experience can be the worse lovers. Dead set on their ways and no varying from it.
    I found it refreshing being with someone who was quite paralyzed with fear the first time. Lol... Just remember to talk and don't be ashamed of who you are.
    Confidence is sexy. Even if you are inexperienced you can be confident in your lack of experience. Own it!!
     
    HopeFaith and PureStrength like this.
  13. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    Ok thanks for the advice. I've become quite confident over the last years, so I don' think this will be too much of a problem.
    This gives me hope that I will find the right partner who'll like me as I am. I always feared a woman will reject me because of my sexual inexperience.
     
  14. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    If she did that then definitely not the right girl!
     

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