34 years, kidney failiure, ed, porn adiction since 1995, need help

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Krajnski, Jan 15, 2015.

  1. Krajnski

    Krajnski Fapstronaut

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    Hi.
    Im 34years old and i joint NoFap because i need help getting a grip on my full of obstacles and bad decisions life.
    First i want to tell u about my illness, they contributed a lot to my porn addiction and ed.

    When i was 28 i got diagnosis of kidney failure, and in one year i had to start dialysis. After 5 years of this exhausting shit of life i got lucky and i got a new kidney. After 6 months of good life (better energy, sex drive, positive thinking) i got from the medications for my transplanted organ a new disease. Now i can't walk without help, i'm stuck at home and almost with everything i need help.

    Back to may porn addiction. I started watching porn at the age of 15. I pmo once a week until i was 17 and we got fast internet. Then i started pmo 2-3 times a day. i had no interest in girls till i was 20, then i got ,my first girlfriend. My girl was going to collage in a different city than me, so we saw each other only weekends. I was so addicted to porn so i PMO -ed only on mondays so when she came back fridays we could have sex again. But the sex was never so satisfying as fapping with porn. So she broke up.
    I continued to PMO 2-3 times a day for two years and then i meet another girl. I new PMO was a big problem so i quit for 1 year and the relationship was very good but the sex never became really satisfying.
    Then i got sick!
    Everything turned around. I got depressed turning away from social life away from my girlfriend and went back to the most satisfying thing i known PORN.
    I PMO for 4 years constantly and i got ED. I could not get it up for 1 year with nothing (even viagra).... My girlfriend left me after we had no sex for 3 years! She was an angel getting with me thru this illness, i still love her.
    Then i got my new kidney and i started thinking positive and i wanted to quit porn for ever. I even met a beautiful girl and we had sex for 3 months with the help of viagra.It was the best sex ever for me. And then my legs failed me... After one year after almost no pmo it still did not get better i can have sex only with viagra, but it doesn't work every time. once i lasted for 90 days on hard mode. Now during this Christmas holiday i got a strange libido after the best sex in my life. And after it i couldn't stop watching porn. First without M, then with M, but now 3 weeks ago i PMO again and i did it for 2 weeks daily. Now i can't have sex even with viagra again. So now its time to get rid of this addiction or i will never get a real good relationship and i will die alone.

    I didn't write now about my social anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, my fear of getting homeless,... Thats a big issue too.

    I hope with your help i can get better… I try to think positive.

    Krajnski
    sorry for my bad english
     

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