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30m virgin really struggling to avoid a relapse tonight.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Don Gately, Jan 30, 2016.

  1. Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

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    So I've made it 22 days so far, but things keep starting to creep into my life that trigger me. LinkedIn, Facebook, lack of success at work, a girl who I really like but hasn't been in town on weekends, and a chronic weakness at controlling my own sleep habits. Today I looked at a girl's Facebook profile that had pretty provocative swimsuit pictures all over it and I knew I was in real trouble. Days 6-18ish felt pretty good, but here I am.

    I came home and my parents (Yep, I live at home. It's totally lame, but I've saved up a lot of $$ this way. Whether that makes it worth I'm not sure.) asked why I don't have a date or any plans. Well the real reason is I just really like this girl I met a few weeks ago, so I would feel bad taking out some other girl and being my charming, cool self and leading her on. Which is always easier for me when I'm not totally in like. When I'm not really, actually interested I have such an easier time on dates. Most of my close friends are married or don't live here any more. I have a pretty decent amount of opportunities to date and meet girls, but I'm really trying to focus my attention on this girl I know I like, because if I don't I end up dating girls that I know I don't want to be with in the long run. But no plans means lonely, and lonely opens up all kinds of dumb possibilities that I don't want to follow.

    So I'm here trying to get some feelings on the page and get some support because I am so sick of relapsing and I know it only makes me miserable but it would be so much easier than trying to keep it together right now. I'm not sure what to be mad at. Myself? The Devil? Women who allow themselves to be photographed that way? Men who photograph women that way? Entire industries of greed that put people in shameful situations for personal gain?

    I went on a 30 minute walk and that at least got me away from the screen for awhile.

    Anybody heard that Kendrick Lamar song? "ALL MY LIFE I HAS TO FIGHT!"
     
    Lavyus likes this.
  2. Lavyus

    Lavyus Fapstronaut

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    I see that I read it a little too late. Whenever I have an urge, I close my laptop, I start to meditate and pray, and I do not open it until after I feel that the urge has passed, at least for a few minutes. If the urge was very strong, I wait a little longer.
    What I noticed is that there are signs that signal a potential relapse. They usually come a few day in advance, and it is easier to break the coming urge there, than fight it when it is at full strength. But this cannot always be done...
    I watched a video a week or two ago, where it said that when an urge comes, stop and meditate. See why is the urge coming: in your case, and mine pretty often, loneliness. Then imagine your dream life, with your perfect you: what would your perfect you do when he is feeling lonely? Than go and do that!
    Another thing I read yesterday was mini habits: develop a new habit, to counter a problem in your life, step by step. E.g.: I was afraid of strangers (yep, a very bad case of social anxiety). I started to go outside for walks, first on lateral streets, with fewer people. Than I gradually began to go in busy areas. Now, I can walk without shivering.
    If the change you have to make to do what your perfect you is doing, take steps, time, be patient and be persistent. You will get there. And remember: your perfect you is you. It's just the you that you do not know yet.
    God bless!
     
    Son_of_Iroquois and Don Gately like this.
  3. Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

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  4. Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice! I messed up, but I have also improved a lot. I'm just eliminating mistakes and trying to build the right life, and I think I'm on the right track.
     

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