30 DAYS WOOO

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by monkmode24/7, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Yes you can ;) but yeah it would be cray cray I'm telling you I feel great today! Day 39. I heard someone who went 9 months and apparently that was fucking insane.
     
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  2. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Wow thank you! That makes me really happy haha. Try a book called 'Cupids poisoned arrow' a lot of people on here use it in their recovery apparently. See what you think
     
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  3. Congrats man!! Keep going
    Im currently in week 3 ( 17 days) and i had two days ago a dream that i relapse then i wake up and thanks god i was dry
    Also i dreamed today a sexual dream of me being in the pool and looking at other women..
    is that kind of dream that you faced in week 3?
    Its very weird to me its the first time i see such things
     
  4. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah basically, I think my first one was I was having sex with a girl and then at the just as I finished I realised it was a transexual I think. Haha and then the next one was just a random hook up dream and only other was I was on a train and some junkie was rubbing me off? I don't think these dream make any sense apart from maybe the transexual one - could have something to do with fear? because I don't want to go back to relapsing with sex workers perhaps. But who knows? Tbh don't read too much into it. Just keep going one day at a time.
     
  5. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 40
    DAY 5 OF WEEK 5

    Feel great. I am actually starting to feel my emotions for the first time in years!!! Feeling normal, happy, out going. Today I was talking to people at work and I just felt so comfortable talking to people. Little bit of social anxiety still that feels like the withdrawals but the state I am in now is like a completely different paradigm. I had nostalgia the other day of how I felt before I got into porn and even looking around; people at work are asking to come out for food with me, waiting up for me, girls are interested in me, making better conversation with girls (although with girls I have a bit more anxiety than males at the moment). Took some friends home, yeah. Been connecting to others, using my tools, making outreach calls, going to meetings. Really keen to keep implementing positive habits. Throughout my day I still get like little cravings and like my thoughts can by hijacked but it compares nothing to what it used to be. It's like having this little gremlin in your mind wanting to fuck your life up. But I can see that little voice; and through my experience, the experience others and so much more I can see clearly that A. The amount of days doesn't mean much to that gremlin and B. that I fucking don't want that kind of life again which would have ended up in STD's, debt or suicide. Which is so crazy to consider but that is where my life was heading.

    Super cautious, keeping up with my step work, taking this one day at a time. But feeling more clear in many aspects, emotional, natural, back to normal. Still got feelings of anxiety - but a lot less. Low self esteem has gotten better - my self esteem is a lot higher. Feel less confused about feeling positive emotions.

    Edit: + adding to that. Got a rejected today, lent myself out to someone and they turned me down felt pretty bad. I was feeling sad you know, like I put myself out to be loved and getting put down like that felt bad. It was in a support group - offering my number to a person who basically just said no. Anyway I over thought it and got very triggered by it. Because I didn't know how to handle my emotions. Fucking crazy but I never really understood the brain change of dysfunctional stress circuits but this could be it. Really adapting to my emotions at the moment and trying to make sense of something which I don't quite understand. But I'm going to try make some out reach calls, go to the gym, have a cold shower, put the computer down. One day at a time. I am going to get through this day.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
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  6. scorchio101

    scorchio101 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks amigo, will check out that book!
     
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  7. NewLifeForGood86

    NewLifeForGood86 Fapstronaut

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    Hey monkmode! I promised to give you a link of my post in the success stories section once I would reach a month of no pmo. I tried to do a monk mode this previous week, but I didn’t really manage to get into the monk mode routine, So I haven’t mentioned it in my post. But maybe you’ll find some other useful things in my post. The post is below:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ements-but-not-there-yet.149310/#post-1228414

    I think I’ll stay at hard mode for now, and maybe give monk mode a shot again later.

    And by the way it’s good to see you’re almost at day 40. Great job. Stay strong and never quit.
     
  8. C B

    C B Fapstronaut

    Dude this is an amazing reboot. Keep it up!!!
     
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  9. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 41
    DAY 6 OF WEEK 5
    Woke up today, still feeling my emotions unblocked again three days in a row. As my day progress there is a kind of fluctuation of my withdrawal symptoms but the underlying being ness is much more emotionally open than before.

    Today walking through the shopping centre I could feel that high testosterone. Becoming more productive, I get up each day and instead of feeling the drag of having to get myself up and push myself to do the shit in my day, like I have for the past 6 years, I actually have been getting up and feeling motivated. Clear headed.

    The more progress I am making, the more relatable other peoples experiences are becoming. How people have girlfriends, how their able to have friends, socialise, be able to talk to each other; basically how they're able to be normal.

    Walking through the shopping centre, I could feel confidence leaking out of me, fully grounded in my own value, not needing anyone. It feels like a surge of testosterone or some shit because I feel like taking risks, fucking going after my goals and shit. Feel power.

    The more and more days I am abstinent I can see the source of power here. What napoleon hill was saying about those who master their sexual urges are followed by noteworthy achievement. It makes sense.

    Speaking/hearing other peoples stories, specifically in relation to complete abstinence - there seems to be some strange common demoninator. That they felt completely indescribably incredible. So much that they dream back on those days ever since losing their streak.

    Another thing that's really common is people who go absitent, get girlfriends, then ejaculate - orgasming - and setting off a chaser effect that they weren't prepared for.

    Last night was trigger central but I remembered one important thing. The rationalisation of the short term pleasure of ejaculating, is in no sense, and anywhere reasonable good justification for the consequence of pornography, destructiveness of sex addiction etc. in my life.

    I made outreach calls for probably over an hour, talked to my house mate, meditated, had a cold shower and got through that day. One day at a time.

    Edit: + adding to that. Experienced a solid dip, motivation dropped, procrastinated a lot. Had a wet dream last night and it sent me into a day of chaser effect. Feeling triggered but also mentally exhausted from the sensitisation. Will say it is not as bad as it was in the past but every time I have a wet dream it is pretty tough on the following day.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
  10. scorchio101

    scorchio101 Fapstronaut

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    Amazing!! Great inspiration MonkMode, awesome progress! I have just hit day 7 and going strong..
     
  11. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 42
    DAY 1 OF 6 WEEKS
    Literally feels like such a grind. This addiction really left me empty handed. The last day and maybe a bit in the morning experienced a solid chaser effect from a wet dream. Brain was heavily sensitised and all I could think about was relapsing. I was in the haze. But this time I actually, because of the time I had off, observed the haze. Very interesting. It is like all the neural circuits all linked firing off all at the same time. Key word there all linked. The thoughts jump from one to another like a monkey swing from one branch to the next, except a super monkey at super speed.

    Anyway I realised though, as if I was looking at something that entire time right before my eyes, that porn is thee most destructive and biggest thing to ruin my life. Literally in ever sense possible has fucked up my life in ways I cannot even fathom. And even the littlest actions related to it is going to lead down a path that only ends in STD's, debt, suicide, loneliness and just a fucking ruined, squandered life. Knowing that I don't even want to go NEAR anything related to masterbation, pornography etc. So I guess I was triggered the last few days and I forgot but now I'm back on track MFers.

    So back to today. 6 weeks of no ejaculation, no masturbation, no pornography, no fantasy (except those rare cases when I was triggered), so I do believe I am nearly halfway there to that infamous 90 days. Just three more days. And then my next goal is to reach 54 DAYS because that is my record for how long I've gone in the past. I think I had sex with a chick and then I thought it was okay to go back to old habits, which is quite common. Very tricky addiction.

    How do I feel? I feel okay, just feeling a little sad because I have no friends to hang out with and I'm in a state where I can give to others but theres no one to give. Feeling lonely. I fucked up a lot of my friendships because I was so socially awkward. I want to go make new friends, have girls that are friends. Keen to make friends.

    Anyway, what can you do. I am planning to go overseas; don't give a fuck anymore. Going to try organise my shit in the meantime. Would like to be abstinent in my journey too, continuing on. Also have a 10 day vipassana retreat which I have booked for 28 February. Which means that I would be leaving and coming back on the 27 Feb - 11 March so.. days 97 -109. Which I think should give me a good boost. 100 days of rebooting + vipassana retreat (which is a meditation retreat on steroids) will give me the boost I need I think to get back on the right track.

    Then after that I am going overseas and tackling my bucket list. Yolo.

    Edit: + adding to that. Today I felt such a fucking surge of testosterone and still do. Man, when I was act the gym it was.. I guess it had to be sex energy .. because the want to get feeling in my body was pushing me to new strengths and now I'm just so fucking motivated. I have way more energy than I used to. Now that I realise, a lot of time. Was so close to approaching a chick today, and nearly had a car crash but my reflexes and confidence were so on point that I reacted in split second. Could have saved me from months of progress.

    Really excited to started growing some plants in my house, been eating uber healthy and man so much more but things are changing. Suddenly feel compelled to start a business and as David Guita would say "fuck the world". Weird feeling but I think this is the art of sexual transmutation. I'm so confused atm but things will start to make sense.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2018
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  12. Smokin_Ace

    Smokin_Ace Fapstronaut

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    Your willpower is contagious man! Keep up the positivity. Really enjoy reading your posts and I'm sure you're inspiring a lot of others too. What you are doing with the retreat is a great idea too. I find especially when you're dealing with anxiety / overthinking and spiralling / repetitive thoughts, that treating yourself and having things in the near future to look forward to, acts as a great distraction from the stresses and urges that might bring you down or slow your progress.

    Onwards and upwards man! Great stuff. Keep it going!
     
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  13. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man! Really appreciate that this is having a positive impact on people. PM me then you get to 30 days too and let me know how you feel. It's great shit.
     
  14. Youssif

    Youssif Fapstronaut

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    congrats!
     
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  15. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    DAY 45
    DAY 4 OF WEEK 6
    Okay. Officially halfway to the 90 day milestone. The past few days have been pretty insane. My testosterone has been surging like nothing else. I experience the "more energy than you could ask for" benefit. Literally jumpy and twitchy at work because I want to just take some fucking action or disperse this energy through lifting.

    At work had a pretty insane moment yesterday where I was flirting pretty hard with one of the girls kinda spontaneously. I would joke and touch her and I noticed her stand very very close to me. As I was talking to her another chick at work, walks past dragging her hand across my back.

    Even on the streets, girls are staring at me, checking me out. Meanwhile I feel confident af. I am able to relate to people a lot better because I am more emotionally open and confident. Had an AMAZING talk with a girl after my sex addicts meeting. Saw her once there, she was the only chick, and was too afraid to say anything. This time I sat down with her, confident, grounded, and asked how she was doing. We had a very emotional talk, very open and she looked me and she said " You know what. You're the first person who's actually asked me how I am doing". Quite moving experience. After a long talk, finally interjected by someone else, I saw my place to go and said goodbye. In which, the guy talking reacted quite differently than I expected (as if he was super excited I was speaking to him?) and the girl squeezed my hand hard. Felt a little attraction then. Not that I would pursue anything because she needs support but just interesting things I'm noticing.

    Another chick said Hi to me which usually doesn't. Still eating healthy. Have recruited two fapstronaut.. and yeah . Still taking this one day at a time, working a spiritual program, always connecting to a higher power/connecting with people. Volunteered to be a part of an organisation and planning to go overseas. I understand this abstinence, control over your sexual energy brings power. So I'm not rushing into ejaculating with a girl. I would much rather find a medium, work on the relationship etc. and perhaps find a girl who is on a spiritual path, can accept my addiction and would like to have sex without ejaculation.

    We'll see. Peace.

    Continuing...

    Day was a load of withdrawals. Anxiety and deep despair/depression. Negative thinking and limiting beliefs/low self esteem. Some regret was luring around all day of how others have it better than me. Someone said I looked "angry" at work but it's just because of the anxiety, the stress make my muscles in my face tense; making it harder for me to show emotions; which further lead to cognitive dissonance yada yada. All compounds on itself. Still though this underlying confidence is still there beside no engine being on. The structure of my progress has maintained. I can still have conversations relatively easy at times, very anxious as others. I think that the dips/withdrawals that come and go are getting slightly better. Or this is the first day as it progressively gets worse. Motivation super low too.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
  16. scorchio101

    scorchio101 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Monk Mode! Interesting to read your account posted yesterday, especially regarding girls. Not that I'm looking as I have an amazing GF who is more than enough for one man! She is an expressive, beautiful Spanish girl who is really headstrong and totally amazing, even after 4 years, and more than anything I would like this (nofap) to benefit us both. At the moment she is curious about it, but I know that the jury is still out for her until she sees what occurs.

    Shame you had the anxiety and depression later on, I experienced that a couple of days ago and it was pretty full on without any real reason that I could fathom. Anyway, I hope you have some better days coming up and that it was just a momentary dip.

    Forza amigo :emoji_muscle:
     
  17. Great term to describe this new paradigm I doubt anyone would be unsuccessful if they disconnected like your self and use the bare minimum amount of technology.....

    after my relapsed this past Saturday after (11days no pmo) I decided to do the highest level block I could to keep porn off my laptops so now I'm only restricted to view nofap's site and my sites I use to work online for my home business that it's... I also have a basic call/text phone .... I'll produce music and listen to uplifting music but thats it for me....

    Good points on this about these pitiful developers responsible for social media sites... I'll add that porn creators know damn well they wouldn't want their kids watching porn but yet they still produce it for other people children to watch smh....

    I'm writing mental notes of your progress for things to look forward to with a successful 30+ day reboot... :emoji_thumbsup:

    oh and
    AWESOME WORK MAN! YOU'll BE AT 60 DAYS SOON AND 90+ IN NO TIME!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2018
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  18. dundleup

    dundleup Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations! It's good to hear about your success, although a little scary to hear about your withdrawal. I'm in grad school and worried about what those kinds of intense bouts of depression would do in the midst of everything else I have going on. But I guess I appreciate it's better to be able to anticipate and prepare.
     
  19. monkmode24/7

    monkmode24/7 Fapstronaut

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    Go through them now man. It will grow you as a person. I still go through them, but I understand that, like all feelings they will pass. Although it is easy to get carried away. Do it now. So you can live the rest of your life without the corrosive effects of porn. You have been living your whole life in a mindset of instant gratification. In reality, work, goals take time and effort and if you go through with this and come out the other end you will create the foundations for a successful future.
     
  20. Keep at it!

    Do not stop!

    Lots of days to do and healthier mind to achieve. :rolleyes:
     
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