30 Days Bois!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ser_G, Jan 25, 2016.

  1. Ser_G

    Ser_G Fapstronaut

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    Whoo! I've made it a 3rd of the way to 90 days (even though I fully intend to go waaaay longer)! I'm totally pumped about making it this far, now for 60 more days!

    Some initial benefits I personally noticed (disclaimer: this is mostly in part to my change of attitude and lifestyle inasmuch as quitting MO): The most striking physical change I noticed was...my schlong is bigger. Like almost a full inch longer and a quarter inch wider in diameter. I know, it sounds like a placebo. I thought it was too. Until I took measurements. Gotta say, this is pretty rad. Whether or not it stays like this... don't really care. It still is a nice perk.

    I've also noticed my muscle tone is more prominent, which is largely due to going to the gym almost daily. But I did notice that I felt like my body was firmer and building muscle at a decent rate. I do have a mesomorphic body type, which does tend to faster muscle build anyways, so this all may be a coincidence of timing.

    My emotional state was a wreck for the first 3 weeks. Mood swings, wrestling with anger, bursting into tears at things like songs and moving articles. Things have settled down in the last week and a half, feeling like a normal man again. Which is nice. Being in touch with your emotions is important (protips for relating to the women in your life), but not that in touch! I also have alot more confidence in myself in being able to achieve things and take risks. Now, I must say that this is because of how I have been readjusting my mental state. I have been really focusing on reading the Bible, praying alot, and seeking counselling for my deeper issues that helped spawn my dependence on PMO in the first place. I'm sure it is in part to the increased testosterone in my system, but body chemistry will only carry one so far. Gotta consciously make a choice in how you will view yourself, and in how you spend your time. I'd say replacing the PMO habit with more constructive, edifying activities is the linchpin in defeating this addiction.

    My brain seems to be giving up on the daytime urges and is going to the subconscious level. I've had 3 wet dreams this week alone, which besides the obvious annoyance of having to go through boxers like a fat guy in Burma, is causing some self doubt. Two of those three dreams have been about masturbation, the latest one was me being able to perform fellatio on myself. All of the dreams have been very disturbing. The first one was actually fairly violent and involved a forced sexual encounter. I personally would never want to rape someone, and so this dream really shook me up. I felt like I had failed, that my subconscious self was depraved beyond recovery, and it honestly really had me wrestling with whether or not going hard mode was a good idea if it was spawning dreams like this. After plenty of prayer and self-study, I've realised that, while 30 days is definitely a fantastic milestone, there is still a lot left to be done. Or undone for that matter. I've read on here that the 30-50 day area is a place where alot of guys sorta lose their mojo for NoFap and relapse. I intend to be as vigilant with myself as I have been these first 30 days. I have left that old life, but I will be on guard for the vestiges of it trying to ambush me from the dark corners of my mind. So here's to 30 days clean, and on to 60, then 90 and beyond!
     

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