28Y male, surgery resident struggling for PMO/Phone Sex for 14 years.

Hello,
This is M, 28 year male, medical school graduate 5 years ago, currently a surgery resident.
I have always been known to be a good person by my surrounding people, they expected me to be a very known doctor in the future.

My memory goes back to my starting puberty "may be I was 14" when somehow I knew how to masturbate. Through slow connections I managed to get to images. afterwards, accidentally I have found about 30 porn movies on the computer "belongs to someone in family". then I could predict the password to get to sex-featured channels. Lingerie/fashion magazines were starting point too.
My parents were usually at work most of time. So, I had a very long free time that feeds my habit a lot.

Years later, I get into medical school, then I had to move to another city to go to school. I had a very long hours after school living alone. I have spent a lot of time masturbating, watching porn using cellular data, so I have paid a lot of time, money and effort to masturbate.
Through time, I learnt how to make sex phones to girls. I have paid a lot for this. I spent a lot of time going out to send them money.
This affected my performance in school.

Sometimes, P/M helped me to pass through difficult times.

I have graduated then I started working as a surgical resident since 2015. I spent about half my salary on Internet charges for Porn, Sex Phones. I talked a lot to prostitutes through phone for voice/video sexy chatting. I am very afraid to get a have real sex with a prostitute.

I am Muslim, so according to my religion I couldn't have sex outside marriage. I am 28. I never had a real sex until now. Sexual desires are sometimes overwhelming.

Even my ritual prays I don't do regularly due to porn.

I tried many many times to stop. Do you know how anxiety affects me/ worry killing me?

I am trying to restoring my life.

Sincerely,
M. 28Y male

 

I will keep this my Journal.
Last Masturbation on Porn with Phone Voice/Video chatting with a prostitute was today 11OCT2018 4:00 pm GMT.