28 year old beginning a NoFap journey

First time poster here, like a lot of guys on here I've been masturbating since my early teens and was introduced to porn around 14, im also gay so it was difficult to experiment with guys until i was a bit older. Although my teenage years I did use my imagination a lot due to lack of internet in my home. So any porn I got my hands on was like goldust at that time and it was usually straight porn my bro had stashed in his room.

Fast forward to losing my virginity at 17, it was one of the most exciting times of my life getting to go out and have sex and meet different guys. Had my first relationship at 20 and it lasted 4 years, I knew deep down it wasn't right for me so instead of trying to leave I suppressed a lot of my emotion and used alcohol and porn to escape my feelings, this went on for over a year. I discovered web camming at around 23 and used that as another escapism, I found web camming to be way more exciting than porn so it became my go to then on in. Once I got out of the relationship I had a lot of emotional stuff going on so I used alcohol and camming to soothe me until I found my next relationship and when I did, it was a really dysfunctional relationship, I was attracted to the sex we had but i didnt want to be with him. I also used porn and camming heavily around this period and when the relationship ended I spiralled out of control hooking up left right and centre, web camming anytime I could get it, watching porn and wanking everyday. This has been me for the past few years and I'm just fed up and exhausted with not being able to develop feelings for any guy I date because of old baggage and I believe these addictive mechanisms are holding me back.

I discovered nofap and bought the online book "you're brain on porn" and I was taken back and how In depth it actually was. I can't believe I didn't make the connection that porn/camming/wanking could be a part of a coping mechanism or addiction. I read a lot of stories on here and I'm inspired by the effects it's having on people, but I know it will be a rocky road in terms of suppressed emotions "thawing" out and being released. I just feel like i have no other option.

 

Thanks justmagnets and good luck with you're first day! I'm on my second day now. DAY 2 was pretty intense as mentally I'm ready for this and my brain kind of went into shock, I had a few bouts of crying and increased anxiety. Had a really disturbing dream last night as well anf i nevet usually have them bad, probably due to this in some way.

Everyone is different I guess when it comes to abstaining.