DAY 28 Almost thirty days! Hell yeah! So, today was my second appointment with the sex therapist. Once more, we focused on my fantasizing. Frankly, it's been a good week in that regard. Generally, an image pops up and fades. I only had one truly intrusive fantasy today that took me a bit to get under control. Now she's giving me more to work on. Last week, she asked me to come up with 4 times a day I could allow myself a minute or two of fantasizing, sexually or non sexually, with a loving partner. This means that when those times come, I stop working or whatever and allow myself to get lost in an imaginary stroll while holding hands, a date at an ice-skating ring, an evening cooking and having dinner with him, etc. The idea here is to figure out what I would like to do and have done in such situations. Generally, there's a buildup to sex and intimacy. There are touches, there are whispers, there are gentle kisses. Because of porn, my brain has learned to jump straight to the climax with none of the buildup. As a result, I don't know what I like in that regard. I don't know how I would like to be pursued, seduced, or wooed. Also, I don't know what I would like to do pursue, seduce, and woo a man. I fantasize a lot about pleasuring a man I love, but it's generally sexual (or food-related, because food is love anyways). So, time to rewire my brain in that regard, too. Now, how do I stop fantasies from popping up outside of the allotted time-frames? Generally, I'll do what has served me well: I'll think of stories, write scenes in my head, etc. However, there are some fantasies, like the one I had today, that are harder to redirect and make go away. For those, she asked that I thought of something I really wanted, something my brain found incredibly rewarding. I told her I would like to stand up and run up and down the stairs because I spend so much time sitting down and am naturally active. So, when I have a "toughie," I can run for a bit. This should redirect my attention to the act of running itself and away from the fantasy. Our next appointment is in three weeks. Next week is too little time to truly become proficient at using these skills, and the appointment two weeks from now was already taken. So, three weeks it is. Oh, and here's my schedule for the week! Totally forgot to post it: On my first appointment, the therapist and I had this little exchange: "What is the worst thing you think could happen if you shared this with someone you've been dating?" "He could think I'm too much trouble, that it's too much baggage, that I'm going to be a hassle..." "Rejection. That's what you fear, correct?" Deep down, that's what we all fear. It's such a powerful fear for us humans, but we need to find the strength to expose our struggle. I can tell you this: A woman who is worthy of you will not think less of you once you decide to disclose your fight to her, because that's what matters: You're fighting this, and you're going to beat it.