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23 years old and still a virgin

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Schnabs921, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. Amen to that! Thanks for sharing. I'm so glad I turned down this one girl (who was extremely toxic). She said to me that she wanted to be my first for my 19th birthday. Honestly, there are times when I feel like I should've said yes, especially during s long streak but deep down I know I made the right decision. I know I would've regretted it.. Plus I think I have pied lol
     
  2. I lost my virginity to a girl that I wasn't even all that attracted to. She ended up being in love with me. She texted me like crazy, like several very long winded texts over a period of a day or two. She called me while I was on shift at work, I couldn't answer. She showed up at my work and angrily asked why I wouldn't answer the phone. I told her that I was at work and couldn't be texting on shift. This all really freaked me out, it made me feel trapped or closed in by unwanted attention.

    I finally saw what it was like for the women that didn't feel anything for me. I didn't know how to deal with it because I cared enough about her "as a friend" that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. However, I wanted her to get the message that this was not happening. I decided to avoid her and completely shut her out because I was too much of a coward to come out with it. I think that in the end this was better for her, though very hurtful. I still wish to this day that I had manned up and just told her, "I am not attracted to you in a deeper sense, even though you were able to stimulate me sexually. We can't be together, you deserve a relationship that is reciprocal and I simply cannot reciprocate your feelings."

    I can imagine how she felt, as I have experienced unrequited love many times over. To finally be able to express that love to the person through a physical act, then afterward they completely snub you? So, harsh.

    The other time I had sex was with a girl that I have been friends with since high school. I had and still do not have any sort of romantic or sexual intention toward her. We both got drunk / high and slept in the same bed. She felt my erection when moving around and took it as some sort of signal when it wasn't. I went along with it, of course. This time, I really owned my feelings and straight up told her the next morning. She took it really well and we're still friends. Though, something was really lost in our friendship. Even though we're cool, there is a wall there that didn't use to be there. It will probably never be the same as it was.

    It seems really rare that people losing their virginity just for the sake of it fall in love. It's more than likely a situation where one person falls and the other doesn't or neither does and both regret it. Don't do it. I have no clue why people brag about fucking people that they have no feelings for, all I felt was guilt and remorse.
    Of course not! It's a skill and like any skill, it takes lots and lots of practice. Unfortunately, no one learns how to shred in a fortnight. But yea, Hayley is friggin awesome! You should check out more of her videos, 90% of them are solid gold.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2016
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  3. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this. This gives me lots of hope too. I've had sex before, lots, but I've made a commitment to never do it again until I'm married. I want to feel as if I've only given myself to my husband and never anyone else, when the time comes, and this gives me hope that it is possible...

    Sex before marriage really is just using people. I feel a little sick whenever people brag about getting laid. You know in your heart that sharing such a deep intimacy (one person is literally inside the other) is something that is greater than an instant of immediate gratification, or just an ego boost so you feel more manly in the eyes of your peers. You are degrading your own sexuality, and your partner, when you treat it as such...Sex creates life-long associations with the person you did it with, and it can create a baby. That's not meant to be used unless you are ready to commit the rest of your life to that person.
     
  4. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    Here are some bits and pieces I've saved from various blog posts about virginity. They really helped me see the bright side and not feel like I should be embarrassed to tell women:

    Sex is not an issue of acquiring anything... it’s an issue of sharing

    Losing your virginity is not a path to manhood.

    Virginity falls under the broader category of sexual boundaries, which itself falls under the broader category of self-control, which takes discipline and true strength.

    Giving in to temptation is easier, not manlier. Abstinence is difficult and requires strength.

    Masculinity of weakness vs. Masculinity of self-control

    Whether you want it to be or not, sex forms a union between you and the woman you are with. It’s the joining of two bodies together. Powerful hormones and feelings are released when you have sex. Evolution set up these feelings with the intention of bringing two people together to care for a new human life. It’s ridiculous to unite with a woman in this powerful coupling and then change partners like you’re changing a shirt.

    Sex is pretty much the most vulnerable thing you can do. You’re totally naked, worried about your performance, and not to be crude, but sticking your body part into another person. Good sex therefore involves a lot of trust. A trust born of real love and intimacy. The kind of intimacy born of late night conversations, dinner dates, fights, and reconciliations.

    Wait until your relationship is committed before being intimate.

    From the guy who plays Superman in the movies:

    A lot of the interesting things about you probably came to be BECAUSE you were single and focusing on your life instead of trying everything you could do to get laid. Keep your eyes open for something worth a damn and it'll work itself out.
     
  5. classicalguitarmonk23

    classicalguitarmonk23 Fapstronaut

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    Me and many others can identify with your story. I was a virgin until the age of 22 and I remember feeling that dread and plunging deeper into porn, looking for intimacy in all the wrong places. Before my first experience, I got desperate and went to a prostitute. It was a terrible experience. I was unable to get an erection due to Porn induced ED and that ended that encounter (probably for the best). Many girls felt my desperation and that lead me to self-loathing. However, when I just stopped caring whether I got laid or not was when I had my first time. It wasn't what I expected, but it lead me to my first real girlfriend who I'm with today. Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself is to lose the mentality of focusing on sex and girls for now and focus on your progress in Nofap and your life. Focus on being a better person. We are constantly doing that here in Nofap. My support is here.
     
    theRegenerator likes this.
  6. HankyHank

    HankyHank Fapstronaut

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    You can complain that the world is agains you, or you can have the control of your sexual life and learn from RSDMax and stop being a crying baby all your life. It's your decision
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  7. kalos kagathos

    kalos kagathos Fapstronaut

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    Some of you guys need to man up!
    If yo wanna lose virginity:
    1. Watch PUA stuff, find wing, learn inner game, it's a long and painful path full of rejections but if you stick to it and don't give up, it improves your life big time.
    2. Find a girlfriend and fuck the shit out of her. She's gonna like it, you gonna like it. Period.
    3. Don't screw up (like I did) and don't do whores, don't change GF's too often, don't fap, don't watch P and most important thing -> don't settle down with the first one. Over time you find out what kind of women you like and might even settle down. I did few of these "don'ts" and ended up here....
     
  8. RogerThat

    RogerThat Guest

    I'm failing to see how your advice is going to help someone "man up". It's ackin to the advice of "fuck bitches, get money" which is a pretty mediocre way to live. There's no soul in that existence and no self-mastery. One can be a virgin and be a man. The very struggle we encounter with this addiction would prove that a man who remains a virgin by choice is a very strong man with strong character. Manning up means living a virtuous life not a life a vice. No man should want to lose their virginity just for the sake of losing it, but rather they should want to give it to the person who is worthy of receiving that part of them; the person they love.
     
  9. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    This is a refreshing comment. I wish more people would wake up and see all these things. But to every man his own.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH and chastedude like this.
  10. kalos kagathos

    kalos kagathos Fapstronaut

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    That's OK. We all are different and we all have different opinions. I've put mine here you've put yours. It's up to the guy and his libido where he inclines to.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  11. franco216

    franco216 Fapstronaut

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    I hear you. I just turned 30 and I'm unfucked. I do enjoy life and call myself a happy person, though.

    At this point, to me it's more a riddle why I keep on like this where other people around me tend to find someone somehow sooner or later.

    The prospect of staying alone for another decade seems a little bit depressing, but really I try to stay positive about it all. I still have so much to explore (as if I were a teenager) in this are of life.

    As for practical advice, I don't have any as I'm no smarter than you in this regard.
    However, even if people wrote that her already, generally it makes sense to seek and find happiness in all areas of life. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Find things that you genuinely enjoy. Build something. Increase your network of friends or engage in online communities. Go cycling, hiking, bungee jumping, found a company.

    I'm going to be honest, however. Years ago I believed that I will find a girl while just doing something I enjoy. She would share my interest in philosophy, physics, board games, music or whatnot. While this approach has its merits, it didn't work for me yet. I don't flirt and if I don't flirt, I'm only ever heading towards the friend-zone at best. Now I'm trying anew with NoFap, so I'll keep you posted ;)
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  12. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    why you don't want to be virgin? i just don't get it. another social standard shit? wanna lose your virginity? easy, fuck a female goat, or lamb
     
  13. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I find your comment really offensive @vulture175! :mad:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2016
  14. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    @IGY : just an example. no offense to animals
     
  15. VirtualEunuch

    VirtualEunuch Fapstronaut

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    I hear you, that's been my experience as well! Even if you have plenty of options to meet women with shared interests there's still the need to make sure things are heading in the direction of a romantic and/or sexual relationship. Unfortunately I can't help you just yet because I haven't figured out myself and at this moment I'm still focussed on other things. Also we're still early in our thirties so not having a partner now doesn't mean we won't have one for another decade so keep up the positive thinking and enjoy life.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH and franco216 like this.
  16. chastedude

    chastedude Fapstronaut

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    With social anxiety and an inferiority complex, I was never good at flirting. So I'm now living the nightmare of being a virgin in my 40s ;)

    But I'm living proof that there's hope! I spent most of my time improving myself with the gym, my career, and learning how to make new friends (and this was mostly before the Internet!). Particularly, my career was rocky with some chronic unemployment. So I learned how to network and promote myself.

    The reason I'm sharing this is because lately, I've noticed that I've become quite natural with flirting. It happened out of nowhere and all thanks to going on way too many job interviews. No other words, the skills I learned were transferable. That and doing something cool that makes you interesting and gives you confidence (self publish a book, start an online community, volunteer somewhere, etc.). As long as it's your passion.

    But really, it's not a nightmare to be a virgin in your 40s. My friends are divorcing now, or are in sexless marriages. They live vicariously through me(!). Since I'm a gym rat, I'm youthful. Google "benefits of being a virgin" and you'll find a few pep talks.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH and franco216 like this.
  17. Schanbs921 losing your virginity is not important over your life because it's important to have a partner who can connect with you than sex but that's my opinion
     
    Sleeping_Beauty likes this.
  18. Schnabs921

    Schnabs921 Fapstronaut

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    I'd like to thank everyone who has posted with advice, opinions, and/or support. I felt you guys may want an update. I'm now on day 32 of nofap, but I still don't really feel any different than before I stopped pmo. Trying to strike up a conversation with girls I'm interested in seems like an insurmountable task. I'm still sticking to it though.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  19. Schnabs921

    Schnabs921 Fapstronaut

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    Is abstinence still a strong act when I'm involuntarily forced into it? When getting laid is at this point in my life is harder than being abstinent? I tend not to think so
     
    Lone_Wolf likes this.
  20. mmny541

    mmny541 Fapstronaut

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    Ok Schnabs I have a question.

    What about talking to a girl is any different than talking to a stranger? Can you chat up a stranger and convert them into a friend?

    If so, then the logic isn't that much different. If not, you might have to take a look at improving your overall quality of life and find hobbies thatll put you with other girls and give you something to converse about together. Videogames and guitar are fairly solitary hobbies(unless you are one to perform with your guitar at places like open mics). Consider taking up a hobby nearby you that involves girls and women as well.

    For me living in a metropolitan city, yoga classes, ballroom class, fitness and cycling, bars, library, etc have been places where women frequent and that aligned with my interests as well. Chatting up a stranger isn't hard, learning the subtle cues of people willing to converse are.
     
    WarriorScarr likes this.

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