21 yo, PIED, 2 months on NoFap, Cuckold, Gay thoughts, HOCD etc

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by MichaelDracula, Mar 29, 2018.

  1. jackson9999

    jackson9999 Fapstronaut

    65
    136
    33
    amazing success story. keep up the good fight!
     
  2. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    I had wet dream today, no erection. in dream I was browsing porn pics, but it wasn’t as vivid and I couldn’t really say what was going on in them, I was really scared in the dream that I relapsed and am browsing porn again, orgasm happened almost immediately, and was really powerful. I heard that healthy non masturbating guys have wet dreams every 2 weeks, and I think I am slowly heading there. Next step is not dreaming about porn, and having actual erection. After wet dream, I think I had strong erection in the morning.
     
  3. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

    2,046
    1,453
    143
    I’m super horny lately but have no desire to release. Been getting solid erections with good day firmness.
     
  4. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

    2,046
    1,453
    143
  5. MarinoBigFan1984 remember this???
    Amazing, great job mate.
     
  6. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    Here is my plan for recovery. This is not the plan I will 100% follow, because life is life and there are some unexpected situations, but this is what I am aiming to do:
    1) I will abstain from porn, masturbation and any sexual behavior until 2019. I am still not fully recovered, still no morning woods, still some fetish sexual desires are sometimes sneaking in my mind and me getting aroused by that, so I need more time to fully remove them.
    2) In January 2019 I am going to hire a female prostitute to try to rewire. Why prostitute? Because if I fail nobody will get hurt, I will have much less pressure to perform, because I paid etc etc. If I don't get it up, I will wait another 2 weeks and try again. If it works, I will sleep with prostitutes 3-4 more times.

    Now, if this plan doesn't work for some reason, here are possible solutions:
    1) Abstaining from porn and everything and just living my life as asexual in hopes that one day I will wake up and everything will be ok.
    2) Edging and masturbating to videos or photos of naked women. Might not be the best solution, approved by people on this forum, but it may rewire my brain to at least associating nakedwomen=pleasure. When I was in softmode and trying to masturbate only to naked women at first it was hard getting erection, but with time it improved dramatically and I didn't have any fetish desires.

    That's the plan. Now, I just have to wait for another 7 months and see. Maybe I will see that I am not yet ready for real sex in 7 months and move that date for a couple of months, but that's it. If everything fails, I don't know what I will do, there are practically 2 ways of me leaving fulfilled life - bringing fetishes to real world (which I know, I will constantly have feelings of regret) and the second way is just leaving life of asexual, focusing on everything else, which I think is much better and healthier solution in my case and still gives you hope that one day everything will be ok.
     
  7. MarinoBigFan1984

    MarinoBigFan1984 Fapstronaut

    2,046
    1,453
    143
    I’m still going strong. I’m in another flatline. No real morning wood. Thankfully though no blue balls. Have about a month to real my goal.
     
  8. MichaelDracula, it's awesome you're getting better and making plans for the future, but your last message seems awfully disconnected from what your body needs. If you think that you are in control, you need to lose that illusion. That is not to say you don't have a choice, but to point out that there are much stronger forces at play than your will.
    Although quitting PMO is a huge step forward, it's only a small piece of our general dysfunction puzzle.
    I'm talking about functioning at a biologically harmonious way.
    We're all doing that by "trying" to regain our innate manhood.
    What I've come to learn is that PMO addiction, subsequent PIED and overall lack of well being have a deeper cause - poorly functioning bodily systems (endocrine, immune, etc.) and a severely handicapped systems manager (brain.)
    So IMHO you must address these issues and have them solved - get a full blood panel, hormones included - I would say you are probably either high in estrogen and/or cortisol and are low on HGH and/or testosterone, could be both. These have such a profound effect on our entire body that it really makes you wonder who's in control.
    Another important thing is bacteria.
    Our body is made up of about 10 trillion human cells and 100 trillion bacterial cells and taking care of these is crucial, so check your gut bacteria.
    Once you have these in order (which doesn't take too long), only then can you assess the scope of your PMO addiction.
    I understand this might be too much of a mindset change, but if you take anything from this shitpost, it would be that not PMOing will get us so far, and that we must seek other, sometimes indirect, paths to complement NoFap in order to lead a better life.
    Hope this struck a chord.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2018
  9. Deconstruct then reconstruct.
     
  10. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    My testosterone levels are actually high, I did full body test and everything is perfect. I am working out every day, I have great body with muscles, I am eating clean and everything is in check. People here assume, that if 90 days don't work, then you have some health issues, which is not true at all. It just means you haven't abstained long enough.

    I didn't have any erection problems, until I escalated to sissy gay porn, which was actually the effect of having high testosterone and libido levels in the first place. I was masturbating every day a couple of times, and because I wanted new dopamine hit I escalated to those genres. Now, I can still get hard dick, fantasizing about sissy, gay, or cuckold or any other shocking materials that I escalated to and wired myself to. If I let that thought occupy my mind, I can't sleep, I am horny, it's hard for me abstain. But the thing is - I try to block those thoughts, that's why they never go away, and I haven't yet wired myself to real women to replace those connections. I am hoping that wiring will occur naturally, but if it doesn't I will wire myself with prostitutes, or maybe with sensual touch. This abstaining forever is just bs, I will just continue to be in a vicious cycle of thinking about my fetishes and not getting release.
     
  11. Sorry if I got off as presumptuous, I'm working on that. Awesome you got those things checked.
    TBH, I kinda have an idea of what you're going through - I really got into those sissy hypno vids for about a year and even hooked up with a CD. Obviously couldn't get it up more than 80%. Not to belittle your experience of course.
    That was about a year ago, and the urges have completely gone away since then.
    So I guess your plan makes sense, except this part:

    "If everything fails, I don't know what I will do, there are practically 2 ways of me leaving fulfilled life - bringing fetishes to real world (which I know, I will constantly have feelings of regret) and the second way is just leaving life of asexual, focusing on everything else, which I think is much better and healthier solution in my case and still gives you hope that one day everything will be ok."

    I think it would be detrimental to keep these two even as a last resort.
    Instead maybe while you have all this time until 2019, research some more into your condition, maybe look into a guided psilocybin, LSD or DMT therapy session (which have shown tremendous benefits for all sorts of addiction and mental health issues).
    I not familiar with your lifestyle but perhaps go on a hiking trip abroad (preferably where there are ladies to your liking) for a few weeks or months without your phone. I'd imagine just the novelty of everything around you, the foreign language and hot women will have a huge impact on the rewiring.
    All I'm saying is, there are levels to trying and the knowledge out there is immense, and I truly believe that if you don't give up and keep trying you will succeed.
    Do you remember the kind of women you were attracted to before you went astray (I mean both physical type and personality)?
    What is it about women that makes you want to want them?
     
  12. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    I never got to the part of actually crossdressing, or hooking up with men, because in real life i find it disgusting, it was just a video and fantasizing thing. But if honestly speaking I think if I tried it in real life, I would actually get erection, because when you are in this perverted state of addiction, you have no control over what you actually feel. Disgust, shame and anxiety are becoming the driving force of your sexuality. I stopped watching those things also a year ago, the same time when I realized I can't get it up with women, if I didn't have that experience I'd never know. When I was in soft-mode trying to rewire to sensual touch and fantasizing about women, I was getting good erections. When I started nofap hard mode, my anxiety worsened and my brain was chaotically trying to bring back those memories, and I started having those urges again.

    Here is the thing: I mentally block my gay and sissy urges, and that's why I have weak erections. I try to be strong and think about women, which brings me back to weak erection when I think about women, which brings me OCD that I have weak erection. I am in this constant loop of anxiety and gay urges. When I feel good, I don't have any of those urges. When I am around women, in the past I just had anxiety, because of small amount of experience and being introverted because of my past. Now, I have anxiety and I am basically rejecting women even when they are ready to be with me, just because I have anxiety that I could be embarrassed again with my non-working dick.

    Thanks for the advice, I became rich 3 years ago and since then I can basically work from my apartments and do nothing, which resulted in me being shut down from the society for quite a long time. Last year I created small business with my friends, just to be able to occupy myself with something. I started going out a lot more, but I haven't been in other countries for 3 years now.
    I took recreational and party drugs, but never researched into therapy sessions, thanks, I will look it up.

    I am still attracted to women, it just became less sexual. I always appreciated femininity and nice body. They say men love with their eyes - it's definitely about me.
     
    kameelteen likes this.
  13. Gotcha brother, keep up the fight.
     
    kameelteen likes this.
  14. jackson9999

    jackson9999 Fapstronaut

    65
    136
    33
  15. MundaneMike

    MundaneMike Fapstronaut

    5
    1
    3
    Wow, the more I read this forum, the more I recognize same problems I have encountered. Most of the times I have tried to get a hard on in real life situations (with partner), I have fapped like a madman and when I have finally have got it up, I have climaxed. OP,you should keep up that "I am not going to give up" mentality, it will do good for you.
     
  16. StevenChow1591993

    StevenChow1591993 New Fapstronaut

    1
    0
    1
    Hey bro ! Just stop thinking about that shit man !
    I think your body is completely normal now
    The only problem is your brain , you think about your dick too much that make you feel nervous about sex, sex is enjoy not like this, and what's wrong with prostitutes ideal man ?
    It's ok to have flaccid dick when sleeping with woman you don't have connection with bro , they dont think about that shit like us , tell them about your problems , be honest , open and vulnerable , let's yourself fail sometime in bed , it's normal , everything gonna be ok man .
     
  17. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    Ok, final updates to my story. The same day I posted my last post with my plans I fapped, cause urges were unbearable (especially gay, cuckold and other fetishes). I blocked my mind, opened a tab with nude girl and fapped. Erection was good and I came almost instantly and had very powerful orgasm. I masturbated to naked women pictures a couple more times after that, always had good erection, and thoughts about fetishes has decreased. 2 weeks before that I met a girl, she lived in different city. I met her a couple weeks later and I bedded her, but without sex, I just used my fingers to please her. I was semi-hard and then I was hard for some time, but I didn’t want to try sex that day. After we connected she moved to my city, and we slowly wired, I couldn’t have sex at first, I came from handjob, then I came from oral sex. Sometimes I was really hard, sometimes, I lost interest and became flaccid, sometimes I was semi-hard. Finally after couple of months I had successfull sex. I still struggle with hardness, I am not always 100% hard and I need manual stimulation. I also lose erection in some position. But the process is going great, and if I didn’t have sex for a couple of days, my erection is always better.
     
    Immature and Tiger uppercut! like this.
  18. Newlife157

    Newlife157 Fapstronaut

    75
    34
    18
    And your morning wood?
     
  19. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    not always 100%, but I do get erection every morning especially since I started living with my girlfriend.
     
  20. MichaelDracula

    MichaelDracula Fapstronaut

    113
    107
    43
    Also, when I am around her, I easily get aroused. I think it’s just a matter of time, when I develop full potency.
     

Share This Page