2 Years Away From Porn:After a 4 Year Battle

Hi guys,

Mine is a story of a battle with porn for almost 4 years after seeing it for almost 16 years!started seeing porn from 12 years of age(I'm 32 now,so that's roughly 16 years of Low to high speed porn usage over the years).started with occasional clips from movies progressing to needing to see porn daily for almost 2 - 3 hours per day.i knew i watched porn more than my peers ,but didn't realize that porn itself would be the cause of so many problems.slightly different from others because i'm a doctor myself(so i thought i was on top of this).

First inkling of problems came in a textbook fashion as described on this group multiple times- ED during sex.I passed this off as a one off,but then this became a recurring theme(Even with medications!),and i started avoiding to have sex,confining my self to the laptop screen.as my porn usage had preceded any sexual encounter in the "real world"(porn was in my life even before med school!),this made the impact of porn on me more profound.I even had convinced myself that real sex isn't as enjoyable to the virtual screen,as here there was so much variety.But then i had a vague feeling that this ED was related to the porn(we all know that feeling) ,or that low feeling that you get immediately after you've jerked off and that keeps hurting at your ego .so i went through medical books ,but couldn't find anything there linking porn to ED.So on googling it on the net,i found this group.and on reading the forum,i was stunned.so many guys having the exact same story,and absolutely no mention of it in medical literature(at that point of time).Saw one classic video by Gary Wilson ,and that changed my life.
Started my first of many streaks(Each one teaches you something).

Streak 1:Blocked out all social media and porn sites.It lasted only a week.But that made me realize how serious this problem was.

Streak 2:2nd streak was 90 days straight(Hardest one of the many)I had thought that i would be cured/At least ED gone if I did the 90.But I only felt slightly better ,but ED was persistent.And i was crushed,how many days would i have to go on to cure this!So relapsed on day 90.and the guilt after the relapse was worse than the guilt of relapsing itself.lesson learnt-for hardcore porn users like me 90 days isn't enough.

Streak 3:So again started streak no 3.However i learned more things in this streak than ever.
1.it was easier once you've completed a 90,to start ( and stay on) another streak.
2.also glad that my relapse lasted only that one day,so if you've put in a long streak,breaking the streak with 2 - 3 faps does not reset the counter to zero,but it does set you back.So in case you've relapsed,get back up immediately,instead of landing in that vicious circle,where if the day of relapse isn't counted,then you'll fap continuously till midnight and then start afresh the next day(Yeah i did that).Because the number of faps count even if in 1 day of relapse.
3.My overall attitude had changed even in the smallest of things.Like for eg earlier,even while reading news ,if i found a pic of a pretty girl(non nude) i had an urge to go back and google more non nude images of her.That had reduced.
Streak no 3 looked like the ultimate one.But it lasted only for 6 months.Reason?I was feeling better.I was now able to overcome ED with Pills and somehow manage sex.But the urge to return to porn was there,cause i had fooled myself into thinking that i had cured myself.So read pages where they said that you can return back to controlled porn usage after "de-addiction".So just saw 1 video,and alas that was it!Immediate downslide with 5 back to back videos of all my pent up desires of particular videos in those 6 months.Came back to nofap and read more thread,so read the most important lesson there in one of the threads.PORN IS LIKE ANY OTHER ADDICTION.THERE IS NO GOING BACK.The earlier you accept that,the better it is.Nofap is a way of life,no just a streak of 90 days.

Streak no 4:Streak 4 began promisingly with all lessons learnt so far in my bag,went calmly till about 90 days,when i came across a blog about how the last phase of healing was to come back to natural ways of sex.Since i did'nt have a partner then started toying with the idea of starting M cautiously to natural stimulus.Went ok initially,with M about once a week to only imagining "normal " scenarios(no porn scenes),but then during one of times as stimulation wasn't enough ,I switched to a non nude clip,and soon i was back to hardcore vids again.Another peculiar thing in this streak was that the way porn stimulated me now as compared to before.It was different ,seemed sort of artificial(which makes me believe the neuronal brain wiring theory).
So lesson learnt in Streak 4 was that coming back to the real world with cautious M,while staying off porn is very,very tough.And it certainly wasn't for me.

Streak no 5:Thus started streak no 5.This time there was no target(90 days or 1 year).It was indefinite.Avoid all potential triggers,and past mistakes.After about 9 months into streak no 5 ,My confidence started increasing and i started dating again,met this incredibly supportive girl.So there was no pressure on me to perform and now was able to get an erection without any pills,and things just improved from there.We got married in a couple of months.Earlier i used to try and avoid sex(to avoid being embarrassed about my ED) ,but now i sought it.This is the ultimate certificate of cure that you can have(and now i certainly don't want to check by seeing another clip!).I am still in Streak 5(almost 2.5 years clean),and I Hope its a never ending streak.(still feel i'm vulnerable to relapse,so never let your guard down)
The support that I've received from nofap was phenomenal and is the main reason, I feel for my success.I'm sure i would have never been able to climb out of this deep hole had it not been for nofap.

At the end (in case you've directly scrolled down for the summary),lessons I've learnt ,without trying to over generalize are-
1.Never feel that quitting porn is too difficult/impossible.If one guy can do it,any guy can do it.
2.Learn something from every streak and don't make the same mistake in the further streaks.
3.The first long streak is the hardest,so try to get one first,then it may seem easier.
4.Even if you relapse,you can still climb out,don't give up. Don't get crushed by the guilt of a relapse.find out the cause for the relapse and avoid it.
5.The feeling on the other side of the fence is totally worth all the hard work you'll be putting in.So come on guys,lets go on "Invincible Mode" and crack this!!

 

" You don't go out to build a Wall, you don't say I'll build the biggest baddest greatest Wall that's ever been built. You say I'm gonna lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day and soon you'll have a Wall! - Will Smith

 

Keep going dude, you will too

 

If you keep trying, eventually you will succeed.initial days are hard yes. It's only a momentary weakness that leads to a relapse,focus your energies on prevailing through that moment. They are just few pixels, they can't control us.

 

Most people realise their porn addiction after developing ED.
Fortunately the brain is capable of rewiring. How fast it'll do that depends on the initial exposure.
So assuming that you have no other causes for ED, then keep going my friend, one day you're bound to get cured

 

Those are very good questions.
The ED has totally disappeared.so its good on that front.However inspite of a healthy sexual life,the urge to check few videos occasionally is persistent.I had read stories where some guys were able to go back to " controlled " porn usage after curing their ED,but its always caused a relapse for me,so I stay away.
So overall I think its very positive.