170 day streak gone

Well, you probably have to fail a bit before you improve. I believe you are right, it is like cocaine.
Anyway, bro, you know you messed up. If you have to return to that city you need to set down a few rules and probably have an accountability partner. Don't think that this cancels out all of your good days.

 

Dude I hear you. I just came off a 213 day streak. I was doing fine at home, went on vacation and seen bikinis everywhere. I was strong on vacation but came home and I was looking at and doing things I haven’t done in 6 months and swore was gone.

One peak into what you used to be into and it can all come rushing back. It’s hard.

If your fine at home I would say stop visiting hotels when your alone. It sucks man. We may have broke our streak but if we get back up we haven’t lost all our progress.

 

What's done is done. I am sure you know that. What can be done, is what you should focus upon. Get back up, get a better streak going, with no room for the mistakes, that led you to lose your previous streak.
Best wishes
MSH

 

You know some things that work well for you:
no internet - at home you are OK

You know some things that don't work well for you:
1. going to clubs and "getting horned up" (probably not a great decision to go to those clubs ...)
2. Being rejected by women you try chatting up. (frustration, depression are frequent contributors to relapses)

Which leads to a not-too-good decision (truth: a BAD decision !)
3. going to a "massage parlour"

But you found something that was helpful, at least temporarily (but not as a result of your direct beneficial clarityh of thinking or good intentions...)
4. seeing others waiting their turn was a turn off --- so the delay caused some "cooling" of your urges.

But then a trio of things aligned that you found hard to resist:
5a. Being Alone (often a triggering event)
5b. Being in a Private space (often a triggering event)
5c. Having unrestricted Internet access (often a triggering event - and a somewhat "novel" event for you)

So
6. Relapse and binge. (NOT a healthy way to respond to triggers, urges, and being "horned up" )

Look at the list. There was really only one "decision" that was at all consistent with a healthy noPMO journey and that was walking away from a massage parlour. The other decisions were not, and are not, consistent with continued success on a noPMO journey of healing. You allowed yourself to be in potentially triggering situations and didn't really seem to have a plan to resist. And actually, it doesn't even sound like you walked away from the massage parlour because of a good decision, rather, you walked away because you didn't want to wait in line !

Well, it seems like a lot of decisions got made, but none of them were good.

Take some time to think about your behaviors and the decisions you made and those that you didn't make.

Reflect on your goals and objectives and why you started noPMO the first time. If your goals are still relevant and something you are willing to fight for, then get going right now. If your goals need adjustment, make the needed adjustments and get going. Either way, what are you going to do to keep your goals and objectives fresh in your mind, because when we lose sight of our goals, motivation weakens and relapses happen.

You know what to do and how to do it. One thing to do right now is go make some good decisions.

One day at a time is how we all succeed.

 

Props to you partner. That sure is an impressive streak. I'm hoping I can get to 90 days without porn. Sure is difficult, privacy and the internet are a dangerous combination. Folk know how hard this is. I've been doing the dirty pretty chronically for close to 12 years now. Total shame on my end. I always try and remember this: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”-Winston Churchill

Carry on, your resolve will be even stronger now.

 

Congrats on even hitting 170 days bro. Be careful and dont let urges affect you next time.

 

Hi @scarecrow1 !

You've made a good decision. Now go make some more.

You know how to avoid triggers because surely some happened during your long streak. You know how to deal in a healthy way (noPMO) with the urges and temptations that surely occurred during your long streak.
Use what you know to strengthen your foundations as you continue your journey of healing.

Your above post mentions social media. While social media can be a useful and helpful way to communicate, it can also be used in unhealthy behaviors, like searching for "number 20". Perhaps you should consider not using social media as it seemed a significant factor in your relapse.
What do you do to keep your goals fresh each day in your mind ?

To my knowledge, playing sports, exercising, making music, attending lectures, visiting museums, and going for walks don't expose us to stds. Maybe you can try one of those activities. Unlike P use, none are pathetic.

When streaks get longer, we can lose sight of our goals and objectives. When that happens, motivation weakens and relapses often occur. Are your goals still relevant and something you are ready to keep fighting and working towards ? If not, perhaps its time to tweak and adjust them. Did you lose sight of your goals this time ? What will you do to keep your goals fresh each day in your mind ?

You know what you should do and you know how to do it. So get going and continue your journey of healing.

One day at a time is how we all succeed.

 

With 170 days...if you think your brain has rebooted and if you are super honey I think a lesser evil would be to seek the services of an escort..

At least it is a real women and you would still have the no P and no M but you would loose your hard mode streak

 

@dreamer81 !

Really now, suggesting pursuit of an escort is not consistent with a noFAP journey of healing ! I encourage you to read the "getting started guide" available on this site's (noFAP) home page. It includes a lot of information that you will find helpful as you start your noFAP journey.

Rather than an escort to occupy your time, how about trying something healthier and safer ?

Earlier I wrote:

I guess I should re-phase the above ...

... Maybe you can try one of those activities. Unlike P use - or seeking escorts -, none are pathetic.

One day at a time is how we all succeed.

 

\
I like the new resolve that you will stay in hostel to avoid such situation. I can understand that. I have been able to avoid relapsed because I refused to take my mobile phne with me when I go into the restroom. Try to avoid the triggers and remember why you want to not PMO...what is it that you are trying to achieve in life.

 

What does mean of PMO?

 

Porn + Masturbation + Orgasm

 

170 days free of pmo, that is an accomplishment. You had a relapse, dust yourself of and get back to work. That was just one blip in 170 days of success.

 

Hi @scarecrow1 !

OK, but ...

Why even think about relapses ? Yeah, they happen, but even thinking that you'll have two (or less, I know) relapses in a year as part of your journey is a bit self-defeating. Maybe its idealistic, but perhaps your goal could be no P with no relapses ... forever. None of us need P, we may want P, but truly none of us need it. (and yes, I do understand that the cravings of addiction create the belief that we "need" something that in reality, we only really, really want) Many have long, fulfilling lives without ever using P. Its possible.

Your long streak suggests you've found some things to sustain your motivation and strength during your noP journey to healing. Yet something lead to a relapse. Do you know what it was ? And if so, what are you doing about it ? If you don't know what triggered your relapse, how will you avoid falling prey to that trigger again ?

You know a lot about what works for you. Think about those things and strengthen your foundations for success. While doing that, think about what doesn't work for you, and make sure you have discarded those activities and built strong defenses to protect yourself from their negative consequences.

One day at a time is how we all succeed.

 

I go to this thread when i need some motivation. Lets keep going.

 

Just goes to show unless you change your lifestyle you wont truly be free, no matter how many day 'streak' youre on.

Ive tried all that in the past. Putting phone away, passwords only other people know, accountability partners. But youre just taking away things from your life when you should be adding things. Instead of sitting at home bored out of your mind after work, you should be socialising, or at the gym, or meeting girls. Something thats enjoyable and engaging.
It took me a year to realise that if i had a girl, socialised, and was busy (work/gym) i could use my phone unrestricted and have no issue with urges. Porn seems counter productive as ED is not what im looking for when im probably gonna be dating soon. Im not looking for shame and anxiety when im working. Im looking for more energy so i can hit the gym hard and not be exhausted after work.
Its a lifestyle condusive to nofap. I failed over and over because i was bored and had too much free time.