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14 Years Old - Desperately Need Help

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Feb 13, 2019.

  1. Hello, I've made a post in the "Under 20" section and this is kind of a continuation to it.

    The very next day I relapsed but I am now about to cry.
    I will tell my darkest secrets that I have told NO ONE in my entire life.
    Just to clarify this isn't a joke thread, I'm just very fucked up in the head.

    So I'm 14 and I am an exhibitionist.
    I fantasize about exposing myself and being submissive to adult men even though I am straight and don't have any romantic feelings for members of my same sex. But every now and then I try to act out my fantasies by undressing in the steam room in my gym and hoping someone would come see me nude. It's incredibly and utterly fucked up for a kid to do that, I know.
    I am so deeply ashamed of myself, many people at my gym have seen me nude as of now and I WANT TO STOP so badly.
    Today I did just that, tried what was described just above at my gym today. But today I made my entire family lose a bunch of wasted time because of my stupid fantasies taking me too far.

    This all started when I was about 3 years old. I'm pretty sure I was molested or something as a baby/toddler but can't remember it.
    I started watching porn at 3 years old, but porn isn't the main problem (though, a big chunk of it), my parents thought nothing of it and actually teased me about watching porn and getting aroused at fucking three years of age.
    I would run around my house naked but actually getting aroused sexually by it.

    Now I stopped for several years until I rediscovered porn when I was about 10, I quickly started getting back into exhibitionism and started getting naked in filthy public restrooms. I quit for a few months but returned doing it.
    About a year or two later I started discovering about NoFap, I tried a couple of times abstaining but only got past a couple of days. I quit NoFap until about 8 months ago that I decided that I will never give up on NoFap and I've been trying to rewire my brain ever since.
    But I've hit a wall... I cannot even get to two weeks, all because of my paraphilia.

    How the fuck do I cure a paraphilia on my own?
    This is the last thing I would tell my parents, as they are very judgemental. I would probably get killed if I ever told them about my problem.
    They are not typical parents, both of them depressed. My mom is bipolar and is blinded from common sense by her out of control emotions. My dad is kind of a creep, he also has anger issues, always sides with my mom and he would always just laugh and imitate to my face about my problems.
    I don't want any pity, please don't give me pity because my message isn't trying to convey that.

    I desperately need help, I cannot continue this without losing my sanity...
     
    RedHaired likes this.
  2. juls1234

    juls1234 Fapstronaut

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    How you can understand this at your 14?????????
     
  3. LawOfAttraction

    LawOfAttraction Fapstronaut

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    Bro, I'm also 14 and my longest nofap streak is 27-28 days or so. Anyways I relapsed yesterday too. I know that you said not to pity you, but I feel that you are in a messed up situation overall and we are still growing up with raging hormones and horniness. I mean c'mon were teens. But there is no excuse for us to masturbate. It's hard for me to relate to you because I grew up in a Christian household, wonderful parents, and I'm not as addicted to porn as you are (please don't take that the wrong way at all). But I am knowledgeable on success and growing. So I want you to follow the following steps to get out of your current ways: (write back if the following steps helped you)

    1. It's hard for you to quite porn so, I suggest starting with 7 days and then gradually increasing it until you don't fap anymore (yes I know it's hard to know a world without fapping but trust me you can do this). This method will allow you to fill your needs but also be disciplined and do it in a controlled manner. So make sure you gradually build your way up.

    2. I don't know you parents but, if you feel that they are a bad influence on you try not to spend a lot of time with them. You are the results of the top 5 people you spend time with so if you have any toxic people in your life, your gonna have to cut ties with them. People that you tend to hang out with a lot either help you and make you stronger or they can be a bad influence on you. The reason why I say this is because you pick up their ways subconsciously without you knowing. please leave toxic people out of your life.

    3. Probably one of the most important steps is GO OUTSIDE and EXERCISE and MEDITATE. I can't stress this enough. As a 14 year old that began meditating it clears you mind if you can just sit down, breath in and out, and don't think about anything. I believe this will cure any of your traumas, pornographic visions, etc. It will clear you mind.

    4. practice gratitude. Be grateful for the things you have. This is one out of the 3 keys to hapiness. Trust me. I read some books on the most successful people in the world.

    5. Listen to wayne dyer. He is my spiritual guide. Watch him on youtube.

    bye
     
  4. YourShiningVeganHero

    YourShiningVeganHero Fapstronaut

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  5. 5ynic

    5ynic Fapstronaut

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    second "exercise outside". Long runs to the point of punishment/exhaustion can help.
     
    LawOfAttraction likes this.
  6. Clean Willy

    Clean Willy Fapstronaut

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    Hmm. I would dismiss this idea. You have no memory of it - I cannot remember anything from the age of three either - so there is no reason to assume you were sexually assaulted back then. No memory of something does not mean something happened. In fact, your brain may have concocted this as a way of evading responsibility for your sexual behaviours now.

    You need to be careful because you are not alone in having a paraphilia, namely, exhibitionism. Some of the adults in the gym may have Hebephilia - "the strong, persistent sexual interest by adults in pubescent (early adolescent) children, typically ages 11–14." You may put yourself in danger prancing around nude. It may provoke a response you don't want and would forever regret.
    You may be able to reduce the intensity of your urges to strip off in front of adult men and being submissive. If you work hard at the nofap challenge, that would help tremendously. So, no porn, no edging, no masturbation and no orgasms. :)
     
    Maninsearchofasoul likes this.
  7. Do you like teenage boys ,too or is it the fantasy of older men finding you naked and exposed?

    Also it depends of the movies you've watched.That really stirs up the fantasies.
    To be honest:I think if your stories are true,your no troll or lost teenager who's searching reasons to hate his parents.Get serious help! This is the Internet we're all strangers.Abuse is a core problem why humanity is suffering till these days.by far all people who have suffered this will break in their life.

    Ask in school/call the suicide hotline just for quick contacts/ask a person you really trust/go to the police(they will help you)!
    But mixing Nofap and abuse as a toddler just isn't right to me.

    Again :This is the Internet.All stranger's.Noone Is an expert here nobody can help you in RealLife here.And this needs to be fixed for real!

    If it's just p-induced.All the Best.Respect for starting so early.
     
  8. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Hey man. I’m sorry you’re going through this. No one your age should have to go through something like this. I know this seems scary and you feel broken and scarred, but there are many many people, including me, who have felt this way before, and have recovered fully to live successful, fulfilling, and happy lives, in regards to their public lives and the their sex lives.

    You should join the group “Confused Sexualities”. There are many people in the group who feel their sexual desires have been warped by porn, ehich I can see has happened to you. Read some of the posts, make your own in that group, whatever. There are people on this site who have gone through sinilar struggles as you have, even as a teen, and now live great lives. Don’t think yourself broken or unfixable. You can escape this.

    I’m a little busy today with Valentine’s and all, but I’ll try and get back withon 24 hours. In the meantime, you should research the basics of porn addiction, why it happens, and what it does to you. Especially take note of how porn can warp the sexual desires of those who watch it. This website is good, but the site “Your Brain on Porn” is better imo b/c it’s written and curated by professionals.

    Do some research to figure out what’s up with you. This is a fairly common thing. Don’t worry, you’ll get better
     
  9. I struggle with fetishes of my own. For me, I call on the name of the LORD Jesus Christ as I know he saves. He has shown himself to me in various ways. I feel at peace.
     
    Roady likes this.
  10. unreal KEEANU REEVS

    unreal KEEANU REEVS New Fapstronaut

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    I'm 18 even i used to pmo...i took up this nf challenge very recently....i won't tell u the changes that I've experienced ... Cuz there are already many posts about it.
    See u are 14 ,you're brain is no where close to completely developed but for a 14 y.o you are quite woke.. Showing u are intelligent
    Not its up to u,u have to prioritise ur goals......paraphilia should not be one of them...
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2019
    TheNewestCreation likes this.
  11. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    How can a 3 year old watch porn
    I don't even remember clearly at 3 years of age
    Sorry to ask
     
    DeepSeaDiver likes this.
  12. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    @ih8pmo This has probably been a difficult time for you. A lot of people are going through the same things as you, and many have recovered or are on their way.

    You gotta understand what is happening to you. You have a porn addiction. If you haven't done your research on porn addiction yet, you should look up the basics on this site. I would also suggest looking at other reputable websites, such as Your Brain on Porn, to get different viewpoints and a better understanding of this problem. Check out these helpful links for porn addiction basics.

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/mis...-has-not-prepared-your-brain-for-todays-porn/


    Your paraphilia, as you call it, is a result of your porn addiction. There are many people who like exhibitionism type sex (where you are committing a sexual act with someone else in a public/semi-public space), some people are sexually submissive, etc. I do not think any of these things are true to your sexuality though. They give you a lot of anxiety (which heightens sexual arouses in most cases, making problems like these worse), you feel disgusted about them when you're not actually doing them, and you're here, on this website, looking for help. It's ok to be sexually different, everyone has their tastes and kinks, but what you are describing is not what arouses you and is not true to your sexuality.

    For our purposes, I divide brain into three distinct operators, which I call the lizard brain, mammal brain, and human brain. We will only need to talk about the lizard brain (which is concerned with feeding, fighting, fleeing, and fucking, nothing else), and the human brain (which does math, logical thinking, thinks about the future, the smart part of the brain). Your lizard brain just wants to fuck and orgasm all the time in order to pass on its genes, but is unconcerned about the ways or means; the lizard brain cannot comprehend the difference between an orgasm or arousal from another human, or an orgasm from PMO; either one fits the bill for the lizard brain. Additionally, escalating PMO habits (higher number of orgasms per week, faster/rougher masturbation, alternative masturbation methods/use of sex toys) and increasing P habits (going from normal P, to hardcore, to cuckold, to transwoman, etc, you get the picture) numbs your lizard brain down. If one day you watch some new P that's super stimulating, the next time you watch it there will be less effect, so your lizard brain wants more P that it's unfamiliar with (Coolidge effect). Your human brain controls choice and will, but the lizard brain can "persuade" the human brain to do things, even when the human brain knows it's bad. This is why it's hard for you to not PMO and why you feel so shitty when you engage in your fetish; your lizard brain is aroused and wants you to orgasm, but your human brain is scared af bcos it knows what it's doing is gross and not something it'd like to do.

    To make problems worse is that you're 14, when your sexual tastes are more plastic than other ages of your life and your hormones are ragin, but there is still hope. When I was your age I got very into a sub-genre called sissy porn; I became incredibly aroused (but also disgusted, as you are) by the thoughts and actions of being a woman, having sex like a woman, wearing female clothing, etc. It's a horrible fetish about degrading men who don't feel masculine enough, so they do everything like subservient, sexualized, degraded women. it is a very separate thing from being trans; it's like straight or gay men who do not want to be women, but get off to the thought of doing so. I did a lot of weird shit when I was a teenager, not dissimilar to you. I was in real deep at points, crossdressing all the time, PMOing with dildos, considering my sexuality all the time and even considering transitioning my gender...

    But I got out! I did a quick 90 day reboot, with no porn or stimulating material, no stimulation to my dick (even by another person) and obviously no orgasms. Now, thoughts like that never plague my mind. I am 100% sure now that I am a man, and I am attracted to girls. I used to be unable to get erections fro sex, and now I have 100% erections 3 times per week with sex. The 90 days, when done right, can really bring you from 0 to 100. There is hope for you. You can fix yourself. You are not a bad person, you are not broken, and you will recover
     
    irecovered and Jpalmer1226 like this.
  13. rowans

    rowans Fapstronaut

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    My age is now 21...I had same problem 8 year ago...dont think more about it..It will be cure as time passes on...You should think what you want achieving in your life..
     

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