1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

120 days. My story and lessons learned

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by It is possible!, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. It is possible!

    It is possible! New Fapstronaut

    2
    19
    3
    Hi guys, stay positive and keep trying. Despair has no place on this journey. I broke my promises a thousand times, and I never thought I could go over a week but here I am at 120 days. I felt so low. Life had no joy, vibrancy or energy, despite being a new father. I was so weak, so very weak. I could not resist the urge. I felt so pathetic, so entwined in the cycle, so familiar with the process. I even became numb to the self loathing. I accepted deeper and deeper levels of depravity. But here I am at 120 days. If it is possible for me, it is possible for you. Here is my story.

    Note: This is a long article and I know P addiction causes a short attention span. Scroll to the parts in green if you can't read the full post to read the lessons I learned. They are based on my experience so may not completely apply to you, but I hope you can benefit from them.

    I am 32 years old, and I remember my first exposure to P on cable TV when I was maybe 12. I watched late night TV from 15 onwards in my bedroom. We had a computer and I would view P material on the internet well into my 20s, but it didn't affect my daily life and I didn't feel addicted then. By mid 20s I knew I had a problem. I had graduated and was established in my career, was earning more money and living independently - it was just a lot easier to indulge. I got married at 25 and carried on with my addiction, which no one knew about. I steadily got worse, until I was at the point where I would put my son to bed and then go downstairs and watch P. I would make excuses to find a way to stay up late so I could PMO.

    I had several attempts at quitting, and that is how I found the NoFap website a couple of years ago. I had a different log in then which I can't remember now - it wasn't linked to my main email address as I didn't want anyone to know I had registered. My strategy for quitting was just to go cold turkey. The pattern was typical, I would not get any urges for the first few days as I would be feeling low about my last PMO. That would wear off, the thoughts would become more intrusive, I would make allowances by watching trigger material until descending into full blown PMO. Before I started this 120 day stretch I was at a point where I wouldn't even fool myself with trigger material, I felt there was no point trying to quit, so I would PMO the night away. Sometimes night would become day in the process. I wouldn't even be aroused sometimes, I would just consume P because I had to.

    So how did I get from that place to 120 days NoFap? Very simply, I told my wife my problem, face to face, which was a very difficult thing to do! My wife is also my best friend and we have known each other a long time. I have always had a good reputation in the community, and she has always had a good opinion of me. My wife was shocked that it was even possible for me to have a P addiction, as she knew how much I was against P in society. But once I had told her she accepted it and helped me to overcome it. That doesn't mean she trusts me with a computer (and I still don't trust myself!).

    Tell someone about your problem face to face, someone who cares about you. Someone who has a good opinion of you. Be completely honest, despite your shame.

    After telling her, we did a technology amnesty. I could not use any device with internet access unless she was present. I could not have a smartphone - so I handed in all my old smartphones, no laptop, no raspberry pi, not even a PSP (it has internet capability). Truly, it was a huge relief to hand in all that tech. Yeah it was a little inconvenient. I couldn't get emails regarding work in real time, I had to wait before my wife was home to read them. If i wanted to look something up, I had to check a book or wait. I have a nokia 222 which doesn't have whatsapp, has a very basic internet but can't display video content. It's 2.5g network so too slow to use for browsing. Honestly, not having all the tech is a lot better overall. The headspace you get from it is worth more than having information at your fingertips, which we often use for useless reasons.

    Detox from tech as much tech as possible - you will manage better without it.

    I realised, looking back that I was addicted to the internet as well as P. I would hover around, timewasting online until I eventually hit trigger material and descended into PMO. I used to consume so much material that was of no benefit, even if it wasn't P. I had deceived myself into thinking the internet was useful for me, when in reality the tiny amount of usefulness was being exploited as a springboard to enable my darker self to waste time, which would lead to PMO. It was a type of immaturity which could easily be stamped out by an authority figure, except I didn't have one. Like telling a kid to study for an exam if you find them playing too many games. The technology amnesty gave me that authority, as my wife would only let me use the internet in her presence if she thought it was useful, then I would put it away when I was done. Whereas before, I would finish an important internet job and then think "let's browse around", eventually hitting triggers. For me, as great as the NoFap is, I realised that it alone will never be enough for me to overcome P. This is because it requires me to access the internet, which itself was a huge stimulus to lead on to P.

    P addiction and internet addiction are entwined and impossible to address in isolation. Do not use the internet as your primary means to overcome P.

    After I told her we began to do a daily review, where I would speak about any potential challenges I had and how I felt. This really helped to keep the light on all of my being, as P addiction thrives on loneliness (symbolised by darkness), and keeping a light on all the recesses of your mind (by engaging in real company) will ensure that the darkness has nowhere to spread. My wife was surprised to learn that something like a bilboard or an ad on TV could be a trigger. It helped her to reshape her perception of people, as P consumption / addiction is so very widespread, getting into the mind of an addict reveals much about the minds of so many people.

    Keep talking (real conversation with a person sat in the same room) daily about your challenges. Continuously expose all parts of your mind to a caring person.


    As the days rolled on, the 'reviews' became less frequent. The initial challenges gave way to more long term challenges. Time expanded (relatively of course!) and I experienced the 'superpowers'. The sad thing is the superpowers are an illusion, they are just the normal energy levels of a non-addict, which feel amazing after being depressed for so long. However, I realised I needed a new endeavour. I was fully accepting of the fact that I like computers and want to use them, but I didn't want to routinely use the internet. I play music and write poetry, so I decided to try get into music prodution. I can download virtual instruments when needed, but beside that it is an offline activity. It allows me to creatively express myself using a computer, without and regular use of internet. Perfect!

    Physically sever the links between behaviours that eventually lead to PMO. Make it physically impossible to access P.


    So where am I now? I am still dealing with challenges, particularly in the summer months. Except now, they are like a little blip rather than a full blown assault. I don't like being alone with a computer. I feel like I don't want to go anywhere near the edge of the cliff. I didn't see this coming, but my broadband is being disconnected tomorrow! I just don't need it anymore. All the excuses that got me onto the internet, really were reasons to PMO. From tomorrow, I will only be able to access internet if
    I tether onto my wife's phone. I feel so much happier that way. Eliminating the possibility allows me to move on much more easily.


    No one falls off a cliff unless they are near the edge.

    I can see clearly that intimacy in marriage is completely different to P. So the concept of satisfying a natural urge with P is flawed. That means the urge of P is an aberation, a distortion or an abomination. On the other side of the coin, don't treat your wife like a P performer. She is gracious, dignified and sacred. Connect to those aspects of her as they are the foundation of her being, and connect with yourself in the same way. P is so shallow. Don't try to be cool, just be you. You are cooler than coolness itself!

    Thank God for my wife, for saving me from myself. I pray that we are all saved from ourselves.
     
  2. Nice story. Good job with the recovery!

    Hope you will live a happy life with your beautiful family :)
     
  3. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

    691
    1,648
    123
    Will read more later but you sure are very courageous and awesome. I totally agree to tell someone close to you about this, despite the shame. It’s really your life you are trying to save. That is much more important than momentary embarrassment.

    You have done so well and The part about making it physically impossible to access P. I wish that were true, but I am in computer science field lol so I have to be on computer a lot, but perhaps I could try to block every single possible access point (everything I could think of to subvert the boundaries).
    So actually, maybe it is possible. But if not, we have to accept that it’s just a few clicks away and therefore, have to always be alert and discipline the mind
     
  4. It is possible!

    It is possible! New Fapstronaut

    2
    19
    3
    Hey man, thanks for your encouragement. I still spend a fair amount of time on computers, but I have found a way to be completely offline unless my wife is present and I can fit my internet jobs in that time. It's a huge weight off my mind for it to be physically impossible, I can't stress enough that point. I'm sure you can find a way to do more work offline. I remember how clever I was in tricking myself into watching P. Let's use that creativity and ingenuity to beat it!
     
    Deleted Account and goodnice like this.
  5. D121

    D121 Fapstronaut

    14
    22
    3
    that's a nice story, you are very lucky to have someone ho accepts you and help you get over your problems, never leave your wife
     
  6. drewharbour

    drewharbour Fapstronaut

    Congratulations!
    That’s a real accomplishment. Very courageous admitting your problem to your wife. I’m glad you found support. Keep the momentum going
     
  7. Unflinching

    Unflinching Fapstronaut

    89
    62
    18
  8. Scorpion2

    Scorpion2 Fapstronaut

    17
    52
    13
    I 100% agree that is not only PMO thats bad but also too much internet is almost as bad as PMO because it just gives and gives dopamine. I spend way too much time wasting around on internet mostly watching youtube and reading pointless articles.
     
  9. tidus

    tidus Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    83
    54
    18
    Such a beautiful post and congratulations on reaching 120 days! So much great information. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
     

Share This Page