108 Day Review Part 2

Well, Ill start this one off talking about anxieties. I dont let them get to out of control, but the worries and mental chatter still exists. As I type this, I feel somewhat anxious because Im not sure if Im leaving out important details that are worth sharing. If this gets too long, Ill just have to make a part 3.

Im not really here to talk about my anxieties, but the things I struggled with was confronting situations that made me feel negative towards myself and other people. I was very weak willed, so I took alot of shit because I didnt want to cause any problems. Alot of that was towards my friends. Theyd do ceirtain things that made me very uncomfy and I wouldnt do much to stop it. (Thats in a nutshell). The other thing was feeling like a complete zero. I still struggle with this at times, but I see people around me building relationships based on their common interests and I find it hard to keep a conversation going because I stayed inside, watched movies and played drums or something. I saw people joking around with eachother, and to me it seemed like they always said the right things without hesitation, they had a nact for playing off thise "social cues" which I envied. I have friends from highschool that have new friends that theyve met through other friends, and it makes me feel like a zero because Ive wasted so much time locking myself away in my house. When I did interact, I was there but at the same time, i was miles away. People are good about picking up on those things, too so it didnt help at all. I was either lethargic and just all around dull, or I came off way too strong because I was trying too hard. I always wondered what they thought of me after the brief engagments we had, I wondered if they were just glad to get away from me and I always wondered if they would remember me by something or if my face would just drift from their memory. I thought about these things alot. If I said something stupid, Id beat myself up over it and if I felt like it went alright, id over analyze and convince myself that I was being a tryhard, its a vicous cycle.

Nowadays, the interactions I have with people are a litle different. I never had that kind of anxiety that made me afraid of talking to a cashier or something, it was more towards try to get to know someone. If Im talking to someone, my attention is on them and usually them only. I dont kill them with eye contact, but Ive learned to use it more. It shows that you care about what theyre saying. If a conversation is nearing its end naturally, I pick up on it and I usually end it so I could save myself and the other person the headache and awkwardness of dragging on a dead conversation. Im not afraid to ask people questions about themselves or bring up something they said thats kind of contradicting either. I usually find some suave way of asking them so they know that im not just trying to stick my head in their business, etc. I guess what Im really trying to say is that Im not really intimidated by people anymore.

GIRLS [trigger warning]:
Ive come quite a ways in terms of how I approach ladies, because back inn the PMO days, approaching women was an absolute no-no. I couldnt bring myself to start a conversation with a girl no matter how cool she seemed or how hot she was,period. Instead of approaching women, id follow them and just watch their bodies and fantasize about how id like to do them in every position. Nowadays, I really try to keep a lid on how much I allow myself to see. And heres the thing Im going to try to emphasize the most and I really hope this clears up that guilt feeling some of you guys struggle with:

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you will and I repeat, YOU WILL see some type of pornographic image or a border line pornographic image if you go on the internet and visit unpredictable sites like tumblr, reddit, facebook, etc. We've all been there, youre scrolling through your news feed and BAM! a hot chick taking a selfie with her cleavage hanging out for the world to see shows up. Rated R movies are the same in the sense that they go hand in hand with porn and nudity.at this point you have 2 options. You can either acknowledge that it exists, choose to not let it get to you and simply scroll down, or you can sit there like a lustful pig and gawk at them titties. Its simple, really.
You might be at the store and notice a girl in some tight leggings, again, you have 2 options. The point Im really trying to drive home is that you SHOULD NOT feel guilty for simply acknowldging that its in front of you. Did you ask for these images to pop up in your newsfeed? No. Did you know that stranger was gonna be at the store at the same time you were? No. So should you feel guilty for simply noticing? Absolutely not.

This goes without saying but women are people too. They wake up and put on their pants the same way you do. They have family and friends like you, they have flaws just like you and they deserve respect just like you. Do you think that girl on facebook would appreciate it she knew that you were doing the 5 knuckle shuffle to her pictures? No. She'd probably be a little creeped out. She might be making it easier for guys to paint that mental picture of her naked, but honestly, you need to be better than that. Now my next point is that we all mess up. I went from gawking at chicks all the freakin time to barely doing it. For the most part, if I notice a hot girl out of my perifriel vision, my perverted instinct tells me to check out da booty but my newfound volition to treat women with dignity and respect tells me to "let it go". I noticed this girl in tight jeans the other day and I kept thinking "you can live without knowing, you can live without knowing, you can live without knowing!" Because it wouldve been so easy to tilt my head slightly downward to check out tha booty. Instead, I looked up and away and simply walked past her. Do I regret it? No. Did I survive to see the next day? You betcha. Will you survive without knowing? Yep. Will you regret it? I doubt it.

Now I could go into another rabbit hole and tell you how ive been approaching girls lately, but that'll have to wait for part 3 if people are interested. As always, be good!

 

I guess I really didnt delve into how I handled the anxiety of feeling like a zero, so If you'd like me to dive into that more, lemme know

 

hanks for reading my story, Kenmonkey. My anxiety isn't gone., but I was able to put a lid on it for the most part by realizing that worrying about the uncontrollable things is a waste of time and energy that could be spent doing something positive. Now I still deal with the people pleasing anxiety from time to time,but Ive definitely come a long ways from where I was. Does that answer your question?

 

Thanks for yiur interest, I hope this helps!

PART 3:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/part-3-approaching-women.78493/

 

Yeah when youre doing it for a reason rather than to improve yourself, the odds are definitely stacked against you