《~ DIARY ~ NO PMO FOR 90 DAYS/A LIFETIME? ~》

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by pmotina, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry don't let the haters get you down. Ditch the alcohol. You are doing so good. Listen you will have some up days and down days. If you stay on the right path eventually you will gain respect.

    It's not the best days but the worst days that define your legacy
     
    pmotina likes this.
  2. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    thanks you two! you are so kind and wise. i will definitely hang in there and only allow it to make me grow stronger. x
     
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  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Oh Honey (and before you take offense to “Honey”, I also use “Sweetie”, “My Lady”, “My Dear” and “Ma’am” and a whole host of other name substitutions all of which are a sign of respect as a “Southern Gentleman”),
    The first thing I want to tackle is this:

    OK, let’s make certain you clearly understand that this behavior isn’t a sign of your character, but theirs. I just smile and wave. They can think whatever the hell they want, for I don’t give a damn.
    Oh, I know it is!
    Uh, “…boys…”? How old were they? How old are you?
    This I can definitely relate to. My best friend is no more. I’ll find new best friends. In fact, I am working through my animosity toward him and trying desperately not to hold resentment which is a real challenge. Maybe it’s time you find a new best friend too.
    I know this is a stretch, but you seriously need to get into the mode of liking yourself. I would suggest you start with some affirmations. If you need help with those, please let me know, and I’ll help you.
    Because they have no respect for themselves or anyone else around them. Just always take the high road, do the right thing. And remember this, they are not your friends, and are in fact “the enemy” because that is how they act toward you. This isn’t a reflection on you, but them. Remember that. And one other thing; “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. You’ll always want to keep a watchful eye on those intent on destroying you for whatever malicious intent they have determined.
    So what. Do you really want to? Think about how these people are treating you. Do you want to fit in and be the kind of person they are toward you or be the kind of person you want to be? Like I said, always take the high road, always do the right thing no matter what it cost you, and always treat them the way you want to be treated no matter what. And that is a reflection of your character. Not theirs.
    No, it doesn’t give them the right to treat you like shit. Nonetheless, they are treating you like shit. Something I want you to ponder.

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    Ya know who said that? First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt.
    Oh, I don’t know? Dozens? Hundreds? You’re changing your life right now! Look, you need to dispense with the self-deprecating attitude. If you look back at your message you posted, where you said “…someone told me my low self-esteem is obvious…”, here, it is true. These things you have said right here reinforce what this individual said to you precisely. You want to change your perception of what people see in you? Change the way you personify yourself, be confident in yourself, and have the guts and the courage to make them eat the shit (aka words) they are shoveling.

    Think about the courage it took for you to come in here and post this message. If you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind to.

    Hope this helps you and I hope you will continue to reach out for support. We all need it!
     
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  4. FlyingPizza

    FlyingPizza Fapstronaut

    Ok, I'm butting in simply because I used to be a doormat, so I'm hoping my experience can help you. Doing these things didn't cure my depression and they certainly didn't make everyone like me, but they did make others (and myself) respect me (and no, you don't have to go punch the largest kid in the playground to get respect.)

    1) Having a reasonable degree of control over your life
    2) Coming to know yourself and your strong-held beliefs and opinions
    3) Learning to say No (That is, having boundaries and enforcing them)

    1) Having a reasonable degree of control over your life

    This can seem hard because life is unpredictable. You need to realize that not everything is in your power to control, but certain things are. For example, if you have the habit of leaving dirty clothes on the floor, you can choose to put them in the hamper every day; if you notice that your sleep cycle is out of wack, you can choose to develop a nightly routine so that you have everything ready for the next day by 10 pm (or whatever hour you want to go to sleep.)

    Doing these things consistently builds habits that help you keep your evironment under control. With time, even if something big in your life goes out of whack (a relationship, a job that you loved) you'll have these small things to fall back to and they'll help you recover quicker. When you're depressed and your apartment is a mess, you can't help but feel like your entire life is a mess and it has spiraled our of control. But when you're depressed and your apartment is neat, your fridge is full of healthy food and you've just finished writing a novel because you had a writing schedule you've stuck to for a year, the undeniable conclusion that follows is that you have SOME control over your life and that you can continue to improve.

    Believe it or not, this will give you confidence in your ability to take care of yourself and be productive. You won't feel dependent on anyone else. Little by little, try to incorporate some self-care habits.

    Thomas Frank has a great Youtube channel on building habits that stick, including study habits. (Sorry for not being able to provide a link; I just created my account yesterday and the forums won't let me post links until tomorrow.)

    2) Coming to know yourself and your strong-held beliefs and opinions

    This comes down to knowing your values. People who not only talk about their values, but also live by them are quite rare. So start discovering your values and live by them. If you think gossip is destructive, then don't engage in that activity; don't talk behind people's backs. If you think being truthful is the most important thing to you, then don't lie; instead, learn to speak your mind and voice your opinions gracefully even if you fear the consequences.

    When you don't know your values and just follow the mob (which teenagers do a lot; I know, I was one), then you become the mob. You're undistinguishable from other people. Such person is hard, if not impossible, to respect.

    Living by your values might be hard to accomplish. I can guarantee you won't feel much change in the beginning and some some people might dislike you. But do it for a year, two years, a decade... and you'll become unshakable.

    3) Learning to say No (That is, having boundaries and enforcing them)

    I think this is the thoughest one. Some of us are eager-to-please people, which is only made worse by the fact that we are a social species and all of us want to be liked. As a result, certain people start helping others and letting them walk all over them, hoping to be accepted in the group. This never ends well.

    If you do this, it is time you start setting some boundaries. What those are to you depend on your values and your comfort zone, but here are some examples:

    1. A friend texts you at 1 am on a Tuesday. You have promised yourself you would try to develop a healthy sleep routine, so you don't answer. Next morning, you tell your friend that you're trying to sleep better, so you won't be paying attention to your phone after 10 pm Monays thru Thursdays and would appreciate it if they wouldn't text you after that.
    2. A friend asks you for a susbtantial amount of money. You are saving for something you want to buy and need every penny. Tell them that, unfortunately, you can't lend them any money.
    3. You are meeting with friend A, who is more of a loner, for some quality time, but friend B calls you out of nowhere and says he's hosting an awesome party. Thank friend B for inviting you, but tell them you already made plans for the night and would love to spend time with them some other time.
    4. If you're hanging out with friend B and they gossip about friend A, tell B they don't have to like A, but you personally enjoy both's friendships and don't want to participate in any gossiping.

    There are two books that can help you enforce boundaries and say no. One is Boundaries, by Henry Cloud (It is Christian, so I think it aligns with your faith and values) and the other one is The Art of Saying NO, by Damon Zahariades. You can find Boundaries at your local library, but The Art of Saying NO is only on Amazon, I think.

    If you know your values and enforce your boundaries, people might not like you. In fact, if you haven't been enforcing boundaries at all, some of your so-called friend might throw a hissy fit. When people who are used to getting away with breaking boundaries all the time are told 'No', they don't like it. They think they have the right to your time. They do not. They have to earn your time just as much as you have to earn theirs. They have to respect you as much as you respect them. If they do not respect you, they do not deserve your respect and much less your time. Kick them to the curb.

    Yes. Yes it is. Dealing with people is frustrating. Just ask any customer service rep or anyone who has worked retail...

    You don't need those people. Kick them to the curb.

    It's not possible and not healthy. The only way to be liked by everyone is to have no strong-held values, no boundaries or self-respect. The only thing you could hope to achieve with those conditions is a superficial relationship. You do not want this, do you? Wouldn't you prefer having a couple of intimate friends that know and care for you deeply?

    Because they have none for themselves. They are a mob. You do not want to become part of that.

    I'm different. I didn't fit in with those people in my highschool years either. Thank God, because if I did fit in, then that would mean I was like them.

    The horror.

    You're right, it doesn't give them the right to treat you like this. That said, some people will continue to do so because they are big pieces of fecal matter. I know stopping self-hatred is not as simple as me telling you "Stop hating yourself", but let me repeat this: Those people are big pieces of fecal matter.

    Every day. For us humans, change never stops. I know it can be overwhelming and that it takes us months, sometimes years to get the desired result. But you have been trying to change. Just keep it one day at a time and I promise you, results will come.
     
  5. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    I like what u say, thank you very much. U remind me of my self value, and u remind me of how to have boundaries, and how to mix with people. I do not need to have everyone like me, but i can have a few friends who respect me and close with me! Thank you very much.
     
    pmotina likes this.
  6. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 90

    WTF I MADE IT YYYYAAAASSSSSSS
     
  7. FlyingPizza

    FlyingPizza Fapstronaut

    Congrats! How do you feel?
     
    pmotina likes this.
  8. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 93

    i hate this life so much. i lose hope on a daily basis. i have no real friends anymore. just persons that i socialize with. people at school don't notice but still walk over me. i feel like a fucking loser and i feel like that for such a long time now.
    i tried everything: therapy, exercise, crying out to god.
    nothing helps. my body is growing older but i still have the psyche of a child.
    i feel like it is never going to change.
     
  9. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    It will change, learning journey is painful, i know how u feel. I am learning as well, maybe u need someone to chat with you everyday, tell them the problem and they can provide advice to u.
     
    pmotina likes this.
  10. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Saturday, I was at a men’s retreat. So I missed this important milestone. Don’t get too excited. All we did was trauma eggs.

    Anyway, congratulations! This really makes my heart smile.
     
    pmotina likes this.
  11. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 102

    soo i went to the hair dresser today - and it was one of the biggest mistakes for a long time.
    they cut of WAY too much what the fuck and now i look so ugly. especially as my hair is curly, it will take such a long time for it to grow back.
    also, my hair is one of my favourite parts of my body and now this.
    i will take so many hair growth capsules so that it grow back ASAP.
    i'll never visit a hair dresser again. it's not the first time that it happened. i should have known better. from now on i will only cut my hair by myself omg
     
  12. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 112

    nothing changed really. only seeing the bad in things. hopeless. life is too much again. figuring whether i should change my hair color? idk i don't want to let go of my old one but maybe it is time for a change...
     
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  13. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 130

    i feel like SO sexual lately and i LOVE it. i'd love to have someone to share my sexuality with but i will be patient.

    my testosterone is actually a bit too high which causes me to grow hair in areas where actually only men grow hair - and my south american ethnicity does not improve it.
    i need to find a way to lower it naturally as i am afraid of taking the contraceptive pill or at least...you know, i am not a fan of just masking the problem i want to solve it.
    due to the high testosterone, i struggle with keeping a regular period. the pill would help with that aswell but again: i don't want to take it if it's not that neccessary. i do not want to RELY on a pill to be fake healthy, if you know what i mean.
    i am also afraid of losing my drive and so on.
    it may be naïve to not try it out at least but you know?
    i will focus on eating more healthy fats and better meals in general, destress as much as possible and try to sleep better.
    there MUST be a cure. it's times like this when i don't trust conventional medicine. lol
     
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  14. BestVersionToday

    BestVersionToday Banned

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    Fats? That's how you increase testosterone. The good fats. I'm actually reading a book on how to increase Testosterone and I'll be increasing my fats. Sleep will increase it also. But definitely get enough sleep.
     
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  15. Prof Abraham

    Prof Abraham Fapstronaut

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    Eat more soya?
     
  16. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 8
    hi
    long time no see!
    so i relapsed multiple times but it's okay.
    gonna be singing a solo in church for christmas and my goal is to not pmo until then as nofap gives me an edge in my voice i feel like.

    still struggling with the symptoms of pcos but i refuse to give up easily. i will continue with following a healthy lifestyle(diet, sleep, stress management, cold showers...)and i also take vitex which has anti-androgen properties.
    my goal is to get my period back by the end of the year.

    atm i feel like time is flying and i only have a few months of school left and then i probably take the risk and move to a big city known for its music industry in order to pursue my career in music as intense as never before. i'm working at it daily already but of course school has the priority.
    i would love to start right away but i can't because of school. that is actually kinda annoying to me but i definitely want to have my a-levels. this way i can keep myself doors open in case my beloved career in music does not work out.

    but the fact that time is flying kind of stresses me. trying to stretch or at least maximize it by doing only useful activities and minimizing lazy time.

    that's it for now.
    stay strong. x
     
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  17. charlie78

    charlie78 Fapstronaut

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    I put my believe in you. I strongly believe that you will succeed. God bless you. With determination and positive vibes you are going to make it work for you. Trust yourself
     
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  18. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it's "...okay..."
    If I may ask, what song will you be singing in church for Christmas?
    PCOS sux! I'm so sorry you are having to endure this, and on top of that, the PMO activity. I too hope you get your period back by the end of the year. Are you taking birth control to help control it? I know that helps my daughter, and my ex-wife, after having our children, really doesn't have any symptoms of PCOS other than the visible signs we all know exists. Her periods seem to be rather normal.
    Dream big! It's a tough business. But if you've got it, you've got it. Just make certain that in doing so you put healthy measures into place because you know it's not going to be easy. Take care of you!
    Leaving yourself options. Great!
    This is also good. You have the right mindset. Just get back up on your saddle and go again. I'm not glad to see you back if you know what I mean, but I'm glad you're back for another round of recovery. Take care of yourself.
     
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  19. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    Wow, thank you for this caring post!
    Well, my gynaecologist told me not to go on birth control before i have my period back because she wants to make a blood test when it's back and birth control would influence the results.
    because of that i am taking vitex which helps with pcos. you have to wait for some months because it is all natural but it's okay.

    Thank you again for your kind words and have a nice day! x
     
  20. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much!
     

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