《~ DIARY ~ NO PMO FOR 90 DAYS/A LIFETIME? ~》

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by pmotina, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Please understand that deep change is not quick. It takes time to retrain the mental processes. And it is easy to slip back into old mental habits.
    I understand that it is very hard. You lacked some things in your developmental (early teen years) years, perhaps your father was not supportive, accepting and encouraging to you. Such can lead to deep and lasting emotional instability.
     
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  2. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    stopping to self-harm but imma try to endure the need for it.
    thank you!
     
  3. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    yeah, that could be... .-.
    thank you!
     
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  4. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 41

    i'm angry af for no apparent reason today but i will hold on at all costs.

    stay strong, y'all! x
     
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  5. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Sorry about your anger it is not where you want to be i am sure. Any idea what it is about?
     
  6. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    no, i am not sure what it is about. but it improved again.
     
  7. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 42

    while i was pondering on how i am such a lowlife last night, all of a sudden my (former?)best friend texted me at 1am and invited me over to join her birthday party (weird that she didn't invite me from the beginning on tho...).

    i questioned whether i should go or not at first as it was pretty late and also, it felt weird that my actual best friend didn't invite me from the beginning on and then called me when she needed someone for a turn up.

    but this was the (potential) adventure that i was longing for, i thought, so i went.

    however, it was pretty fun and i got along well with everyone. people were praising me for me outgoingness and whatnot.
    the thing is i could only become this outgoing with the help of my frenemy alcohol.
    i got intoxicated very badly and throwup multiple times. i have the baddest hangover(head aches like crazy and i'm nauseous which causes me to refuse to eat all day) EVER and feel lowkey very bad about the harm i've done to my body.
    i also smoked some cigarettes.

    i don't have these kind of "escalations" often but WHEN i do...oh lord.
    this is probably my way of releasing all of this negativity, stress, whatever i am carrying around with me.

    actually, i want to quit alcohol and cigarettes all for once and become a straight edge as i struggle with limiting myself when consuming. before i knew it, i'm drunk til the point i can't walk straightforward.

    i find it hard due to the social aspect of it though and i also don't like forbidding myself things.

    well, we'll see.

    stay strong, y'all! x
     
  8. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    quit! Don't be peer pressured. Alcohol and cigarettes is another thing you could get addicted to just like fapping!! Just don't next time. Don't do anything you will regret later
     
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  9. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 51

    wtf my longest streak. YAY!
    life is getting better and i see god in so many situations in (my) life recently it is truly beautiful.
     
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  10. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Onwards. To infinity and beyond!
     
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  11. Prof Abraham

    Prof Abraham Fapstronaut

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    Many, many congratulations...but be vigilant!
     
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  12. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 62

    i edged quite hard now by watching specific videos on youtube. lol
    but i didn't MO so i would not count it as a relapse.

    i am horny af right now and wish for somebody to F me hard.
    but i have no one as i am lonely af.

    you could say i am sexually frustrated...in two months i'm turning 18 (which stresses me out aswell as i feel i haven't lived much of a life so far and i feel like such a wheenie/low life in comparision to others) and i haven't even had my first kiss.
    i would not even say that i'm THAT unattractive...it feels like i'm discovering my own beauty (in&out) more and more day by day. but unfortunately, no one around me seems to notice that.

    atm i'm focusing on regaining my period and thus my whole life. haven't had one since january and that is actually pretty dangerous. and it's not the first time
    but i am very annoyed by myself that i have let it come this far. my youth was completely dominated by depression for the last couple of years and soon i will be already 18. it sucks so much for me. i can't believe that i left myself hanging like that. it is frustrating. my life could be somewhere else.
     
  13. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    I am sorry to hear what u are having in ur life. Change takes time, and perseverance is important. I know how u feel isolated, lonely and even feel worthless and feel that u are not good enough at times, but u are u! U don need to compare urself to others! U only need to compare urself to ur yesterday self and see if u have improved or not. Stopping pmo and seeing its effect will take some time for someone addicted for a long time. Your period will return eventually if u continue to stop pmo and reduce ur fantasizing. Good luck! I believe that u can do it! And don worry too much about having a boyfriend, i am 21 and still don have a girlfriend yet so i think that we should improve ourself first so that we can attract people which will love us and care for us.
     
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  14. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    yes, i think the same. thank you for your comment.
     
  15. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 66

    life is so weird atm.
    the dreams that i was burning for yesterday, seem completely non-existant today.
    it's so worrying for me...in the first moment i believe there's hope and purpose for me but in the next moment everything is lost and my life seems pointless.
     
  16. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 69

    going strong!
    i have a one week break from school and all the time i need to pursue my dreams. i just need to find a way to start and courage to leave my comfort zone.
    i want to go back to school in a week completely transformed.
     
  17. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    Find work and u will be good or use that time to study in library, better not stay in ur own room. Another thing i suggest is go socialising. Anyway its better to not be alone.
     
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  18. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 82

    1 WEEK TO GO WTF?!?

    pretty bummed about the fact that i wasted a lot of time again. last week i had a one week break from school where i wanted to accomplish some major thinks but i managed none of it.
    i wasted so much time in general in my life.
    but i am somehow okay with it now and i allow this anger about myself to push me to try harder to be productive and to stop wasting anymore time.
    i have one huge project i definitely want to accomplish before i turn 18 in 5 weeks to leave a legacy and to give myself the feeling that i didn't waste my 17th year of life completely.
    it is SO.IMPORTANT. to me wtf.
    praying that everything works out!! x

    also, i have some important exams coming up so this last month of being 17 will be exciting for sure.

    i am just so worried about the fact that it feels like i've lost my youth completely. i'll never get it back, you know? but i am still young i guess...also, i am growing older everyday it's not that i'll be a completely different person overnight...we change a little every day and change is an essential part of life.

    but besides that: i had such a hard dance party that my lungs hurt alone in my room an hour ago like i used to months ago - let's say i'm glad that some things do not change though! x

    stay strong, y'all!! x ♡
     
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  19. pmotina

    pmotina Fapstronaut

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    DAY 83

    i don't believe this. i thought this nofap journey would help me to stop people treating me like a doormat but they still do.
    it is so frustrating.
    i was at a party a few hours ago and even though i drank alkohol i was only stuck in my mind. i wanted to socialize with some boys and they told me to 'please walk away', someone told me my low self-esteem is obvious and even my so called best friend lied me in the face.
    I HATE IT SO MUCH. yes, i do somehow feel the need that everyone should like me and i know that it's not possible. BUT WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE TREAT ME WITH ZERO RESPECT?! I FEEL TERRIBLE WHAT THE FUCK WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!?! omg i know that i am different and don't fit in BUT THIS DOES NOT GIVE PEOPLE THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME LIKE SHIT. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
    HOW MANY TIMES DID I TRY TO CHANGE MY LIFE?!?!? in the end nothing helps i am hopeless.
    wtf man. just let me rot pls.
     
  20. Teuthtobetold1

    Teuthtobetold1 Fapstronaut

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    there are certainly challenges in life when u try to make a change, changes will not happen instantly and it might takes months and even years to see the effect. i am also making changes to my life and so far i have not seen a lot of changes happen in my life and i am still lonely but that doesnt mean there is no changes at all, they are subtle. Friends come and go, they are not forever, thats what i learn. But u are urself, and u make changes that u think will improve ur life, believe in urself and believe that it takes time, sometimes lots of time for the changes to become obvious to u. Life will try to set u back by giving u challenges but so what? i believe that more and better rewards are behind those challenges! good luck! u being here is one of the reward of u wanting to make changes and have a whole bunch of people here supporting u is one of the reward u get!
     
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