Being afraid of women.

Honestly I would try to become friends with a girl before becoming trying to get a girlfriend. Don't worry about the friendzone and stuff. Once you develop friendships with a few girls you will begin to understand them and feel more comfortable around them.
I always say that You must first be her friend to be her lover. After that seek a partner.

Also a good starting tip is try to look people in the eye when you talk. Girls find that attractive. Start by looking guys and older ladies in the eyes (I am assuming you are young). Then it becomes a habit and you will look everybody in the eyes including the girls you are interested in.

 

@perusan im not even going to reply to your post and waste my time on useless debates.I would just rather leave you to be the society sheep.

 

But you did reply to me. Thank you for the insult. And the motivational picture. It is always interesting when someone resorts to the "One day you will die" message.

I hope you didn't read into my message that I hate you. It certainly wasn't my intention. I only hate RSDTyler and what he represents because I feel his approach to women is demeaning, insulting and counter-productive to what people are trying to achieve here.

Again, thank you for the reply and the opportunity to continue the debate. And the motivational picture reminding me that I am going to die one day. It has really been enlightening.

 

Now there is difference between hating RSDTyler and hating that he games girls as you said in your other post "But, because you have done it and therefore find it acceptable, I would also advise NotALoseranymore to ignore your advise because it IS BAD advice. Portraying relationships as a game, a system, a contest, an art is insulting to both parties, is insincere, shortsighted, pathetic and rude."

The way that he approaches girls is the way that he likes doing and its just him being him self.Also he shows that he doesn't give a fuck about the outcome and is succeeding so fuck the method look the end result...
He gets girls, he provides education to guys, coaches them and yet you hate him for the way he approaches WOAH.. he has changed so many lives.Those are the people everybody should look up to and take advices from cause they have years of exp.And yet you still hate, Chode.

 

Yep. I am happy to hate him AND what he represents. I totally hate him. If I met him I would say it to his face. "I hate you because you profess to have the answer to guy's insecurties about relationships with girls, but all you do is turn relationships into games and don't give a fuck about the outcome. The message you teach guys is insulting and demeaning and I hate you for spreading such a vile message."

Zyzz's Witnesses, I am not ashamed to hate RSDTyler, but I do take exception to you saying I have a short, fat penis. I believe you mean it in an insulting way - Chode. Unless you have an alternative explanation.

 

Hang on a minute! Am I being trolled? Is this one of those troll things?

Doh!

 

What a great post. Also I can't understand why all that hate is for.

 

I agree with perusan. I would advise you to stay away from the pick-up artistry as much as possible. Why? Because seeing women as some kind of puzzle that you can solve instead of as human beings is inherently wrong. You'll have lots of trouble in the long run if that's really what you believe.

I agree that practising social skills is a great way to improve, though - you can browse on www.succeedsocially.com to see how to do that. That site explains it in a better way than I ever could.

 

Its not about RSDTyler its about what he does and its that he teaches newbies how to get better with girls properly.I don't know why you still trow that shit and in the end of the day he will be still banging hot chicks while you will still roll with friend-zone mentality.
"Hell yeah i got girl friends and maybe someday she will end up in a relationship with me, fingers crossed.

Also a chode is same as assholes but its just a person who try to trow trash at players but they only think "saving the world from players" would get them laid.

+keep the convo flowing its entertaining for me plz

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDy08-RphI8&feature=player_detailpage check that video hes the same as you.

 

Stop arguing people we are all trying to help. Be open minded, you persuan made a very interesting point in your first post. The funny thing is that the RSD Tyler durdan actually says the exact same thing. You have to understand like all of us he went through an evolution at first he was a pick up artist but I would say he found some enlightenment in eckhart tolle. His message is not of that of the usual pick up artists. . I'm not saying he is a saint. But if you struggle to connect with girls I recommend his material.

 

Yeah it's funny how every pick up artist ever says that they're 'different' from all other PUA's. How likely do you think that is? Ridiculous.

As a matter of fact, I AM going to argue about this because I care about the OP and I don't want him (or any other person for that matter) to fall for the cheap PUA material.

 

OK nice judgement to make because of a label. I sure hope no one will judge you as just a 'porn addict'

 

Well, this thread certainly has gone downhill since I last posted here.

While I won't say I hate pickup artists, as I see them as misguided more than anything, I do absolutely dislike what they represent. If your rationale behind giving up porn has anything to with readjusting the way you view women, then the way of the pickup artist is not the way to go. Personally, I hate the way porn has taught me to look at women as sex objects and not as people and equals. For that reason, trying to pick up women would be completely idiotic as that lifestyle is hardly different than porn in the way it views and treats women. I see people calling Perusan a "society sheep" and such, but really I would be hard-pressed to identify a segment of society that is more a product of its age than pickup artists. Which is unfortunate.

Obviously I side with most in this thread in believing it far more respectable to aspire to be a gentleman. I too am quite shy with women - though not nearly as shy as I was in my late teens and early 20s. I'm 26 now. My problem is being able to view women as normal people, and that's a problem that is due to porn. How can you talk to someone like a normal person if you don't view them that way? I'm pleased to say, however, that with 50+ days of full-on hard mode under my belt (ugh... pun not intended) I've noticed a huge difference in how I view women. I've been putting a lot of effort lately into spending time with women, and especially in treating them the way they deserve: with respect and equality. I've spent a good deal of this time with women I'm attracted to, but I've focused on putting that out of my mind -- not thinking about sex, not thinking about possible futures, not trying to "make a move" -- merely trying to enjoy my time with them in the moment for who they are, and developing friendships along the way. And its working. I feel like such a gentleman, especially with all the other men bumbling about with their shallow intentions on their sleeves. Never have I felt so fantastic about not being sexually active. But of course, my goal isn't sex. It's something far more substantial.

OP, my advice is simply to choose the approach that you feel most represents the person you wish you could be. If you want to be a pickup artist, then by all means, follow Zyzz's advice, and go out and become one. If on the other hand you want to be a gentleman, then there are obviously many of us who are willing to help you with that as well.

 

Let's try to avoid personal insults and saying hateful things to one another.
I'll hand out infractions and potentially more if this continues.

If you disagree with something, respectfully say so and explain why. If they disagree back, then the conversation is over. No need to get animated or continue trying to change a mind that won't change.

 

@Erboinq i disagree and here is why.
"the person you wish you could be. If you want to be a pickup artist"

You just don't understand what pickup artist is.You just think this is a guy who trashes women.Well you are very very wrong.There tons and tons of different types of pickup artists.Some people will count their girls and brag about it with their friends other would just enjoy the moment and the meaning of doing something more with girls that just being a friend.

I can also see most of people who type have this preset thinking about these guys which is totally wrong.
But as you wish fellow nofap members someone will take the gentleman path some will actually get out of their comfort zone and escalate stuff.

Regards,
Zyzz's Witnesess

 

Hi dude, some really great posts and advice here... And I wish you progress and success with all my heart, you're on the right track, keep going dude!

I write this as a 40 year old guy, with a lot of friends, half of whom are in fact... well... women. I've had girlfriends and lovers, and yet, I was attracted to your post because I still fear, much of the time, walking up to an attractive girl and saying "hi, I think you're beautiful, so...hello, I'm ..."or "Hey, you're cute, I like you, I'm..."

And the main reason for this is... Well fapping of course, and the twisted ideas and views it develops of women... and the self-digust... It is very difficult to approach someone you like when in your minds eye you feel like Gollum.

I lost my last relationship in large part to fapping and the hit to self esteem and the lies and growing fake communication.

But I know that what you are doing, what the people above have advised, what nofap gives us, will allow a you to emerge that will genuinely attract people to you... Doesn't matter if it is men, women, young or old, friends or lovers, no point thinking about that, just be genuinely curious and interested in whoever you meet, and work on yourself so you are proud of who you are, and I swear life gets better quick...

Since I also still share your fear a little, I found this old quote (from the world's scariest book) on fear which might help (perhaps as a mantra):

“I am not a fool. I am wise. I will run from my fear, I will outdistance my fear, then I will hide from my fear, I will wait for my fear, I will let my fear run past me, then I will follow my fear, I will track my fear until I can approach my fear in complete silence, then I will strike at my fear, I will charge my fear, I will grab hold of my fear, I will sink my fingers into my fear, then I will bite my fear, I will tear the throat of my fear, I will break the neck of my fear, I will drink the blood of my fear, I will gulp the flesh of my fear, I will crush the bones of my fear, and I will savor my fear, I will swallow my fear, all of it, and then I will digest my fear until I can do nothing else but shit out my fear. In this way I will be made stronger”
― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

Again... I wish you much happiness and success, as someone above said, you strike me as a genuine, thoughful person, and a brave one, since you started this thread

 

this is excellent.

and gollum is sweet in my eyes.

 

This is a great thread!

Bro! I've faced the same fear and loathing with women. I actually got my mantra from the sitcom Friends where Joey once advises Chandler (I think)to overcome his fears by facing them. I have done terrifying things from diving headlong into pools to sex, all bearing this in mind. I am an average swimmer and still have issues in the bed and with my sexuality, but am in a way better place than I was. I got really affected by people talking about me behind my back, I just stopped giving a fuck some 10 yrs ago and its been amazing. Friends I made are more genuine because I act in a more genuine way than I would wondering how other people will react. Also I have a LOT of friends, a few close inner circle and lots of wonderful people who inspire to do better or be better in many ways.

I couldn't get it up all the way when I first tried to have sex with a girl when I was 22-23. She innocently asked 'Not hard enough?'and that pierced through my heart and brain. My otherwise soaring self esteem continues to harbour this pit. I didn't date anyone since for a few years till I kissed my flatmate at a club. She asked on the way back what do we make of this and I resisted my normal instinct to brush it off, fearing what lay ahead, to letting her know I won't let it get awkward between us as flatmates if she wouldn't. I am still to overcome my insecurities of coming clean with a girl, but I did tell her that it wouldn't work with a condom. We were both tested and clean so we carried on. I hardly ever came and would go soft unannounced. Coming home and hitting the sack wasn't something I looked forward to but a terror. Yet I did it and have dated two girls since, had sex with one and just mutual masturbation with the second.

It is an evolution for me to arrive at nofap, I am otherwise rather healthy and fit, very confident and outgoing, just invisibly carrying this internal turmoil of insecurity. Having gotten into the dating game I have become more aware of my emotions and things that really matter in a relationship, which I am trying to simultaneously work on. I am trying to eat better, jog or swim everyday and might go though the mountain of applying to grad school too.

So you my friend are on an excellent path and have plenty of company in the likes of me. The way to do it just to keep walking, there might never be an ideal day, but each will be better than the last.

Solidarity!