Such a lonely day, and it's mine ...

So, I'm having one of these days and I feel like I should write about it. I'm usually a very happy individual, barely have any serious problems. There's just this thing, loneliness. If it is that. It definitely plays into my mood when I have these days. Mostly, it's not even days, but during the semester break, I'm alone way too much; sometimes more than I can handle. And I don't know what to do. I want to get out, do something, be productive, but today's a rainy day that somehow started bad, so that I couldn't motivate myself to be productive. I don't even know what the problem is: Is it the weather that drags me down, my best friend who doesn't know how to treat me, the fact that I'm lonely? I can be happy with being alone, so maybe that's the internet. The illusion of being not alone, while you actually are, making you lonely. It's fascinating how I can have days where I barely talk to anyone without a problem and others where my well-being depends on getting in contact with others. Then, there's way too many people in my phone, most of which I don't seem to care enough to ask to do something. Maybe, because I think we don't connect, maybe because I don't know what to do with that person, maybe even being anxious about being rejected or overthinking what that person might think about me. Although I know that's stupid. I just don't know how to combine these two attitudes, as well as being on and offline. I really think being connected 24/7 today influences our happiness. It's just really hard, much like NoFap, to reduce the internet use. It's not just that you might miss something, it's also become a habit to browse Reddit and YouTube. I think I might leave it at that at first. Don't want to write too much, if anyone is going to read this. I just thought it might be a good idea, rather than feeling bad all day. Maybe someone can make sense out of this. I really appreciate this forum, even though I'm barely here.

 

I'd love to, but I'm unfortunately not allowed to. One day, though!