Sex Addicts Anonymous

I go to 5-6 meetings per week (I'm lucky to live in a big city that has a ton of meetings). I agree, fantastic fellowship. The online forum here is great, but there's no substitute for sitting in a room full of real human beings and telling your story.

 

Can anyone tell me more about meetings? What they entail, what's expected? I'm interested but not sure I'm ready for that yet or not.

 

5-6 meetings a week? That's a bit excessive lol

I've gone to a SLAA (sex and love addicts anonymous) meeting a few times. It's alright, very repetitive, not much open discussion. All they do is repeat the 12 steps, 12 characteristics and such. Takes up half the meeting, then everyone gets a turn talking about their last week.

It's probably helpful just to go and see your not alone in the struggle and can get an accountability partner out of it. Someone to text or call anytime. It's a 12 step based program so I'm a bit unsure of its efficacy with regards to porn but hey if it works, great.

One guys has been attending and been sober from porn for 4 years. My issue is you have to introduce yourself as a sex and love addict which in my opinion just reaffirms the addiction.

Either way, for all those out there, if you've never told a single person about the addiction besides online, it might do you good to go and get it off your chest

 

The meetings and the fellowship are the social aspect.

The program is the steps.

Something I "learned" is technically, you don't have to identify as anything when you go to a meeting. It's all just de-facto decorum. You can say you're uncomfortable with identifying that way. Even if you do, it can mean a wide range of things. The same way each person has to decide what "higher power" means to them. If someone at the meeting forces you to say it... Well, I'd suggest finding another.

Sorta like although each person sounds like they're saying the same thing, what it means exactly to them inside is different.

 

Wasting your life with porn and masturbation is excessive. Going to a 45min-1hr meeting isn't that excessive when compared to the alternative.

 

SA is what has helped me reach 44 days so far.
Not fighting the urge but giving it away by speech to your higher power or the group is very good.

 

Basically, you'll all start the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. Then there will be a few readings--usually an introduction, then someone will recite the 12 steps. There may be a special reading if there's a newcomer to the meeting. Then the chairperson will suggest a topic for the meeting, and everyone is allowed the chance to share for a few minutes. You're not obligated to share. You can just sit and listen. But one of the biggest aspects of the meetings is sharing your story with real life people and being accepted by them. It helps reduce a lot of the shame that keeps people in the addiction. You'll find more honesty and vulnerability in those meetings than just about anywhere else in the world.

SLAA has a lot of readings that can take up a lot of time. Usually a good chairperson can make sure they get burned through quickly so there's more time for open sharing.

My recovery is that important to me, what can I say. I'd rather attend meetings excessively than jerk off and obsess about sex excessively.

 

SAA sounds helpful, but is it really for people who just struggle with porn? My idea of a sex addict is more someone who goes beyond porn to real life sexual encounters. would someone who just looks at porn fit in at SAA?

 

Good question and I would like to know the answer as well.

 

I too thought my problem was/is "only" porn. I've been faithful - technically - my whole marriage. I went to SA for a while and it opened my mind. It was phenomenal. I'm at 151 days today in large part thanks to SA.

First, i learned my addiction isn't really to "porn" - it's to LUST. This made all the difference in the world to me. I suddenly became aware of all the porn movies going on in my imagination all day. All the sexual fantasies i was having. When i started fighting that, the lust, i really started making progress.

Then i learned something I already intuitively knew: lust is progressive. In other words, keep this shit up and you WILL be acting out. You will be that guy looking for prostitutes, watching 4 hours of transgendered person porn, seeking dudes out at rest stops even though you're hetero. It's progressive like drug use is progressive. Nobody starts a crack cocaine. They start at the simple stuff. We start at the simple porn and move on to the increasingly perverse.

The first step was also particularly helpful. You create a sexual inventory. A complete history from the earliest you can remember to today. It brings up a lot of stuff. Plus you get to hear a lot of testimonies from guys, their experiences, things they've done, what works for them, etc. POWERFUL STUFF.
It fundamentally helped me get this far.

I have the SA white book on pdf if anyone wants a copy. Send me your email in my in box and i'll get it to you.

 

Yes, porn addicts fit in at SAA.

PMO addiction is just another type of sexual addiction. Whether it's strip clubs, prostitutes, rampant infidelity, promiscuity, porn, or compulsive masturbation ... sex addicts are people who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors. PMO fits that description 100%.

 

I'm that guy. Or should I say was. Except for the searching out guys at rest stops.

 

me too.

 

But it progresses...so it'll take you to darker places too. If that doesn't scare you...

 

The first part is the reason I stopped going, the second part is why I did enjoy the three times I did.

Personally, I think the meetings were not healthy for me. I'm all about removing this from my life and cannot consider keeping it part of my identity. I'm doing well without them and recommend anyone who's looking for alternatives to try SMART Recovery.

 

Some commented that SAA teaches that the problem is not porn, but lust. I wonder if SAA is puritanical? One problem I have had int he past is inability to differentiate between health and unhealthy sexual activities. I cannot stop using porn if I start to think that ALL fantasizing and sexual interest is just as bad as porn. If that is the case, then there is no escape because we are sexual beings who are driven by our basic instincts to think about sex. One has to be careful not to think all sex is a "sin." IF that is true, then there is no way to recover.

 

Im in SA. it helps a lot