How do you view women??

I think you've got a good clear understanding of what porn does to a persons image of women, and I'm pretty sure its practically universal. To me it seems it just makes all women into - well - it reduces them rather than makes them into something else. It strips a woman of her humanity, they become like trading cards - She's hot, but this girl is hotter - pretty soon its hard to see any woman as good enough. This has caused me a lot of trouble in my relationships of the past. Like you, one of the biggest reasons I want to do cut PMO out of my life is because I want to see women for what they are, as beautiful people, not beautiful objects made for my enjoyment. I think its an important distinction to make, women are beautiful, and its ok to accept that and thank God for it, but once we start to use them and separate them from their personhood then we've gone to far.

 

Porn has affected how I look at women, my first view is always on certain parts of their body and it's like why can I not stop this and I just dread the fact that one day it may get me in trouble, either with them or with their partners. Aaaargh

 

I'm the same as you kk76 my eyes immediately seek out my favorite body parts. I see the body part first and the person, the woman second. As soon as I realize what I have done I look away. But then my eyes go right back to where they were.

I do not hate myself for this because it is natural to seek out beauty but it is not healthy or respectful. The thing I am most proud of is the fact that when I can not see their body, for whatever reason, my eyes go straight to their eyes. This IS healthy and respectful. Now, if I can only train myself to always seek out their eyes first I would be much happier.

Seeking out women's body parts is looking for lust, for fap fuel. But seeking out women's eyes is looking for love. After all the eye are the window to the soul. And I'm starting to notice some really beautiful eyes around me.

 

I have not been able to stay with a real woman for too long. My last relationship lasted a year, but I was looking for love and learned to look past all the often times trivial things like looks, attraction etc. Granted, she was attractive in her own way but all girls have flaws and not all are attractive. It's just how you view them and beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I wonder how we would view women if pornography didn't really exist. Would fatter chicks take precedence and be more attractive? Would older women be more attractive without having much sex appeal? Would younger girls be less attractive? Those are questions that I grapple with and you should too. One thing I do know is that porn has changed my brain in such a way that it has kept me apart from real intimacy with a woman. Yes, I do like sex and foreplay but I started to "act out" during these moments that made it feel like I was in a porn movie. Sometimes the girl would ask me "How do you know what to do if you've never had sex?" And that right there is a conversation about to begin about porn. And it's scary. It seems as though the pornography has shaped the way we treat and view sex. Really it should be about sex within the confines of marriage and getting to know your partner in an intimate way to find out what she likes in bed. Not replaying or redoing porn scenes in your mind and then practicing that on her. This porn stuff has killed our imaginations and things that happend in the bedroom. It has also caused me to look at women as objects and see them as sex toys. Whenever I see a hot girl or woman I immediatly just gaze at her too long. Sometimes I will undress her with my eye, but the further I go along in this NOFap journey the better I've learned to just look away and not over think it. Most women know when you are staring at them. Some women like it, but overly staring at them is just weird. The thing I fear most sometimes is not finding my future wife attractive. YOu really want your future wife to be the hottest girl to you and not have to seek out or look at other women. Once you are over the porn I think this will be easier.

 

I'm going to be honest here and my words may delve into a fetish zone, so I will post some of this as NSFW:

[NSFW]When I was a young lad and first got introduced to porn by my cousins and friends, I was immediately hooked on heterosexual anal porn. This obsession with anal was an entirely warped perception of what pleasure from sex was all about, and it was not until I quit porn that I realized that 1) Not every girl I get into a relationship with is going to want or enjoy anal sex 2) It is really a degrading thing for women in the porn industry, but they are definitely at fault for consenting to such bestial acts of lust.[/NSFW]

Anyways I have let go of this fetish and no longer see a need to push this onto a woman I get into a relationship with. I have a different view of sex now and am no longer affected by the scars porn once left on my mind.

I am very drawn to normal women in daily life, and do not objectify them. I realize that if a man wants a woman that is just nature at work. What I don't do anymore is stare and fantasize at women like I did years ago. I view them with dignity and respect, and if I see a woman I am attracted to I will go and talk to her like a human being and see where things go from there, I will definitely show her I'm interested from the get go.

I ain't about the PUA life. But I damn sure am about going after what you want in life. And if I'm trying to be in a relationship and lay my eyes on a potential mate, by all means I will approach her, with consideration and class. Honesty and intergrity. Personality before pleasure.

Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore

Oh yes, it took years of daily meditation for me to stop fantasizing about women I saw in public, and to heal my brain from porn. Unfortunately bad habits have crept back in, and my current struggle involves fantasizing to scantily clad women online. Bad habits die hard, and this one is about to be crushed forever. DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR.

 

I can't say it changed my view. I have been so heavily involved with porn for 14 years [I'm 23] that I have no baseline or "before" to compare with the "after". I can tell you I don't see women as equal beings. I often look at them like... oh I'de hit that or no I wouldn't. Then move on to the next available sight to see.

I'm in a relationship now. I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years. I have never seen her as equal to me. I have always felt like I am better than her. I have resentment for her [that I have never expressed] because she doesn't look like a pornstar. I resent that she is a little overweight. I resent that she doesn't perform sexual acts the way I have ALWAYS seen done in a specific manner in porn videos.

In just a short 2.5 days since quitting PMO for the first time since I was 9, I can tell you there has been an immediate impact. She has noticed there is something "different" and that I have "more energy" and she continuously asked me the last 3 days "why are you being so cute and loving?". Quitting PMO has had a direct and IMMEDIATE impact on my life already. I like where this is going and I can't wait to continue the journey.

 

Don't know if my opinion is needed or wanted here, but as a straight woman, I've noticed feeling a lot less competitive with other women as far as beauty is concerned, since quitting PMO. Now if I see a beautiful woman, I don't feel inferior, I feel appreciative.

My attitude toward men has changed too. I believed all men I'd be around would prefer to abuse my body than get to know me as a person. I'd never know if someone would act on that, and make it my fault for wearing certain clothes or being somewhere I shouldn't, or just say 'boys will be boys'. It made me feel angry, worthless and intimidated, daily. Being on this site has given me hope that a) my perspective is porn-warped, and b) there are enough guys who don't want to be that guy. I've started noticing the difference between guys who can see me as a person, and those who can't. It's all good.

 

Even being a woman myself, I feel that I objectify women in my mind from time to time unless I know them personally. It's VERY difficult to explain. It's a porn issue yes but its also an issue in most societies. Our bodies are sectioned off to sell things or for visual manipulation. So many commercials are sexualized women.

 

I used to only look at women for the body parts I was attracted to. Now that I've rebooted, I meet girls and appreciate them for there beauty and personality. My eyes have opened up since my reboot.

Unfortunately, my eyes are also opening up to how polluted magazines, music, and ads are. Myself abstaining, I am very different from my peers, so I am seeing just how they are polluted, and how their attitude towards females and sex in general is wrong.

Being in the middle of this sex obsessed society and being almost 143 days clean, it's a very hard place to live. I am sensitive to it, but it's getting better for me. It's almost been five months, and in this time of my life that I've spent clean from PMO, I have learned the self control necessary for living in this era.

~Squeaky Soul

 

That is so true Squeaky Soul. You can't pass 30 meters in a big city without seeing an overly sexualised advertisement. We could hope it won't get worse... [nsfw] nipples hanging from the board. omg where is this world headed?? [/nsfw]

 

Yeah, I just got back from the mall... It seemed like more than half of all the stores had some bikini pictured women outside, or of that manner. It's degrading to the woman's body, but I can remember how hard it is at the beginning of the NoFap Journey to have to see all the bad advertising.

~Squeaky Soul

 

I am still very sick in this department

 

porn is an addiction, and it is not your true self to be addicted to anything, I know pornography shapes the way I think and see women, but I understand that it is not me that is seeing them like that , it is my addiction. After all this time being PM free I am understanding this more and more/

CK

 

Viewing this has made me realize that I am not the only man who thinks these things.

 

Yup... Music videos nowadays... It seems like it's a requirement for someone to strip or take part in some sexual act in all the new music videos being released. I tend to avoid music videos, and just watch the lyric videos, haha.

Learning how to control where your eyes are looking at is very challenging. I am getting a lot better at it.

~Squeaky Soul

 

Yup,even in many movies there are always some sex scenes and music videos are worse ,I don't even watch music videos anymore because it caused me to relapse the last t ime,,soo now I stick to workouts and I only watch cartoons looool

 

Even mainstream movies have had the porn is cool- message imbedded in them for a long time and it seems to be getting more common all the time. Zack & Mirri make a porno, Sex tape etc. I'm trying to limit my movie amd TV watching too since it's all just the same dull mindnumbing recycled garbage anyway.