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If you can't get girls in real life, what's the point?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by kkbrighton, Jul 8, 2014.

  1. aaron92

    aaron92 Fapstronaut

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    Do you mind me asking if you've been diagnosed with any kind of condition like Social Anxiety?

    I agree with what you say about self- help books; they're interesting and useful but not really any good if you don't/ can't put the ideas into practice.
     
  2. kkbrighton

    kkbrighton Fapstronaut

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    i dont mind u asking. no i've not but then never been tested - i guess i have an inferiority complex and just shut myself away from the world from about aged 16 to now - i just dont know what to say to ppl and with no social group i have nobody to drag me out - so its just easy to stay home it drives me crazy sometimes wanting to be with ppl to have just one person to call me up and go do something with but then most things i just dont want to do anyway

    its like im just passing the days by and not living a day in my life
     
  3. mustynasty

    mustynasty Fapstronaut

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    kkbrighton in one of your earlier responses you mentioned feeling lost, being a slave to TV and not knowing where to start when thinking about going outside. I would counter that you do know what you need to do to emancipate yourself from those feelings but the execution is where the difficulty lies - knowing the problem may only be half the battle but at least it is half the battle. You can be lost for years using porn to self medicate - always treating the symptoms but not the cause - and have no idea why you're doing it, no idea that there is an underlying reason that fuels the compulsion. Take heart in that.

    My practical advise is three things:
    Check out other self-help communities other than nofap such as those on reddit involved with social anxiety issues
    Listen to audiobooks, they're a much easier route into reading (or at least taking in literature) and come with the added bonus of being perfect to do when outside
    Consider getting a pet that will give you both purpose and love you no matter what
     
  4. aaron92

    aaron92 Fapstronaut

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    I reckon you should try and see a Doctor/ GP and have this looked into- they might be able to get you a diagnosis.
     
  5. vik17

    vik17 Fapstronaut

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    Look on youtube for a video entitled " how to reach true confidence" by simple pickup. It might help you.
     
  6. kkbrighton

    kkbrighton Fapstronaut

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    im not sure being diagnosed with it wud help as im sure there r no pills etc to fix it - think it wud just reinforce it upon me that im inferior

    plus i think its just me - just that ive hid away and not embraced life for so long i dont know where to begin
     
  7. kkbrighton

    kkbrighton Fapstronaut

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    thanks musty and vik - ill look into both of them

    really so many great ideas suggested here again thank u everyone really helps knowing there r ppl who care and want to help
     
  8. HispanicMON

    HispanicMON Fapstronaut

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  9. aaron92

    aaron92 Fapstronaut

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    I had problems with Social Anxiety/ making friends for quite a long time, and I think it was one of the things which led me to become addicted to porn- if you see a GP, they can find out what's up with you, or refer you to a mental health specialist. It takes time to recover from these things, but it is possible :)
     
  10. Goodmood

    Goodmood Fapstronaut

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    The only way to cure social anxiety is to gradually desensitize yourself to it. Putting yourself out there, taking baby steps. Start by just saying "Hi" to a random stranger on the street and run away if you want to..doesn't matter, the fact that you took action is all that matters. Just take that first step. There is no other way to cure social anxiety. (or approach anxiety with women)
     
  11. JohnnyChimpo

    JohnnyChimpo Fapstronaut

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    I feel that same as the OP, I'm 34, never even been on a date or held hands with a girl at any time. It's so frustrating, I'm pretty sure I'll always be a complete failure, but I'm still going to struggle and try to work on myself because if I don't I'll definitely kill myself. I need to give myself a chance, I just really don't know what to do because I'm 100% lost and helpless.

    This has not been a very productive post, but what else is new?
     
  12. dbubman

    dbubman Fapstronaut

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    I just want to say congrats man!! I think it is really amazing and inspiring that you are acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel the complexity of life. It is very brave of you to reach out and connect with people, especially at a time when it may seem counter intuitive, freighting or depressing. Yes, there are a ton of things you can do in life but I think the most important is that you are honoring yourself being brave enough to look life face on! Change is inevitable and the more your eyes are open the more you will see! I honor your bravery because it helps me recognize it in myself!

    Thanks for that!!
     
  13. kkbrighton

    kkbrighton Fapstronaut

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    what im struggling with so much atm is the memory of the one girl who showed interest - we spoke for many years mainly on yahoo chat but last month it came to an end as she got a new bf and also moved away - and i just have so many memories of her - everything in my day reminds me of her - memories just come into my head and i feel like crawling up on the floor and crying i just feel so weak emotionally from the loss of her contact
     
  14. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    I had four encounters with women in my life in which the other party displayed any significant interest, and all were initiated in the Internet. I regret each one of them, since in each case this form of starting a relationship generated many misunderstandings and disappointments that at first I was kind of ignoring for the sake of just "getting pussy" or... any female contact. What I've learned is that it's best when you overcome your anxieties FIRST and then hit on chicks, not the other way round. In the long term, no woman will stick for long to an insecure pussy who's afraid of the postman anyway. She'll rather cheat on you with the postman, since you're just not gonna impress her with anything. It may sound brutal, but I believe that's how it works in this wretched world.

    But that's no reason to give up.
    A man becomes a loser once he gives in to the thought of being one.
    Power is the ability to overcome (outer or inner) resisting forces.

    As for lack of any interests or topics for conversation... If you truly have none, then there certainly must be other women out there that are just the same, and not that ugly too. These you can pick up, and then develop some mutual interests (other than sex, that is).
     
  15. JohnnyChimpo

    JohnnyChimpo Fapstronaut

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    This may be true, those women must exist somewhere, but how would someone with no interests or topics for conversation ever find them?
     
  16. peregrinnus

    peregrinnus Fapstronaut

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    Hey Johnny,

    This is precisely what you need to work on - getting out of the idea that you as a person, are a failure.

    If that's your inner language, you've pretty much set yourself up to fail every single time. Because you basically don't think you can succeed.

    The fact that you acknowledge your mistakes is not enough, although it's a giant step forward. The next step is to affirm yourself - to start to trust yourself again, and to believe in yourself. Believe that you CAN change, stop telling yourself that "it's nothing new". Don't tell yourself "I've failed so many times - I'll probably fail again this time. That's what I am". Because if you think that way then that's who you'll be.

    Try and build up your own self-confidence by keeping and working on small things, and affirm yourself when you keep those promises to yourself. Remove that negative self-talk and replace it with more positivity. You CAN change, and you CAN be better.
     
  17. peregrinnus

    peregrinnus Fapstronaut

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    They probably won't ever be found. They're probably like you, sunk into a pit of self-despair and waiting for someone else to pull them out and live their lives for them. Life doesn't work that way. If you want to live, you need to find something to live for, something to give meaning to your life. Go out, try something new. Read a book.go for a walk. Anything that gets you away from the "poor me I'm all alone and I'm terrible" thought loop that's going on in your head.

    Change yourself. Don't wait for someone else to change for you. Cuz then you'll just be waiting forever.

    If you really want to change your life I would recommend the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey. Read that, but more importantly, try and understand and apply what you learn to your daily life. I cannot recommend this book enough. It's really a life-changer.
     
  18. the_count

    the_count New Fapstronaut

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  19. dbubman

    dbubman Fapstronaut

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    Heartbreak can be devastating. That feeling of unwanted change tears the insides up. It takes time to go through the pain of separation. I hope you are able to take care and do nice things for yourself as you experience the tides moving inside your heart and mind. There are some pains you can not think your way out of. Thank you again for sharing and for disclosing your feelings. There is real power in that!
     
  20. kkbrighton

    kkbrighton Fapstronaut

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    thanks

    its just so hard - im so lonely with nobody around and no ideas of getting over her in my lonely lifestyle

    just dont know what to do about it
     

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