Climbing to the top!

Hello everyone,
I didn't really think about how to introduce myself in the most proper way possible but I'll just start and hopefully we'll get somewhere from here.

Primary School Years (7-14 years)

Over the course of about 5 years or so that I spent doing PMO almost every single day I haven't been able to realise how negatively it has effected my life. I've always been shy with low self-esteem and I was never too talkative either, my friends rarely invited me out and the class "elite" often looked down on me or they teased me.

At one point all of that really got to me and I constantly blamed myself because I couldn't fulfill someone else's expectations, I became really depressed and towards the end of primary school my character was ruined to what I thought was the point of no return.

Summer Holidays (Shift from Primary School to High School)

I've discovered porn (and masturbation) at a relatively young age and have been actively engaging in self-stimulation until June, 2016 when I accidently discovered NoFap and its benefits on Reddit. I decided to give it a go and have noticed a significant increase in my self-esteem followed by a feeling of just great overall happiness however this didn't last very long since I gave in to my bad habits again. My longest streak at that point lasted just a little bit over 15 days which obviously wasn't enough for a full reboot. You could almost say that I've got stuck in a black hole from which I haven't been able to get out (again).

High School (15-present)

Despite being very shy I was actually a really good student in primary school and I finished it with great marks which gave me a very wide choice of high schools to choose from. For a while the School of Nursing was my primary choice and after thinking for a while I decided that nursing is something I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

Seems like I got a bit off-track but I feel like that was somewhat important to mention.

Until recently I haven't been able to pick up a streak longer than 7 days and I would just become more depressed than I already was. The thing I was scared about the most is that my 'shy, quiet kid' personality would continue to haunt me throughout high school and the even scarier thing was that my new classmates already started percieving me as exactly that.

New Beginning

I was raised in a Catholic family (don't worry, I'm an open-minded person and I respect other religions and beliefs as well) but I couldn't find any consolation in my religion as I've felt that everyone has abandoned me. However, a few days before Easter I believe I recieved a 'push' from the Holy Spirit to do my Easter Confession. It's a feeling I can't really describe, I started excessively sweating, often cursing, getting extremely frustrated at simple things, being heavily stressed out and anxious, just generally everything no one wants to be. After I got my Confession I felt an extreme feeling of relief that I haven't felt for a while and all of the above mentioned things like anxiety and stress were almost gone and the best thing is that I haven't masturbated for 21 days counting today. I believe I was possessed.

Present

I truly feel like a different person, I've recieved mental and physical strength that I never had before, I'm much more socially active and don't find it that difficult to run a conversation anymore. People now percieve me as a witty individual and often ask me for advice which was something I could've only dreamt of before. I even heard some girls talk about me (?). I've no trouble with going out to a nightclub every now and then, or going to a restaurant and telling the waiter if something is bothering me. I can easily make food orders via phone which used to be a real nightmare to me. Trust me, none of this is a coincidence and NoFap is a real thing.

A great part of my motivation have been the stories of wonderful people from Reddit and the NoFap forum and I simply can't express enough how big of a role they have in my everyday life and how much they helped me get back on track. My goal is to never get back to PMO again and so far I think I'm heading in the right direction.

Life is like climbing a mountain, some parts are more difficult to climb than the others but you must never let go.

 

I believe that having a schedule is the most crucial factor in combating PMO, I never allow myself to sit around doing nothing. Activities that keep me busy are cycling, fishing, writing and reading are among my favorites and always help me eliminate the urges.

 

Hey, I'm doing really great. I haven't been getting any urges lately and I wrapped up a lot of my school projects over the weekend which is one of the reasons why I haven't been too active on the forum.