3 step excersice for healing relationships

Three letters to heal relationships.

I want to share with you this 3 step excersice for healing relationships, regarding any emotional impact or trauma that they might've caused in the past.

It consists in writing 3 letters to each person you choose to start the healing with.

This letters don't necessary need to be delivered to the actual people they are adressed to. They can be adressed also to people that are dead, or that we lost touch with, or that we never met (biological parents, great-grandparents, lost baby, lost friend or relative, ex girlfriend/boyfriend, etc).

If you feel right about it, only the Third Letter can be sent to them, for real, or to a fake adress.

The first letter

We write it starting it with "Dear.... or Hello..." or just the name of the person. We express the deficiencies and negative or destructive traits of the relationship. It is a letter of release in which we do not assume responsibility of any kind, and where we express the feelings and emotions of the treatment we have received from this person and what that has awakened in us. It's allowed to express anger, hatred and even insults of any kind.

Before writing the second letter, we burn this first letter as a symbol that we no longer want these limitations in our lives, that we want to overcome the pain we were going through, and most importantly, that we want to forgive.

The second letter

The second letter is a "thanks giving" letter in wich you expresses everything that is good of the relationship. In all relationships, even in the worst, there has always been something positive. In the case of our parents, it is important to thank them for having brought us to life, even if we have not known them or we've been abandoned by them ... gratefulness reconnects us with the mysterious and sacred dimensions of our relationship with Life. This letter, being a positive letter, doesn't needs to be burned.

The third letter

Thanks to the first two letters we have expressed and processed emotions and we have more clarity about this relationships, so we are able to write this third letter like an act of responsibility for the co-creation of this relationship, and by gaining an objective and clear point of view of it. Normally, the third letter consists of two parts. In the first we make, from an objective point of view, a summary of what has happened or is happening in the relationship, and what are the true emotions that are moving inside of us. In the second part, we make a series of decisions to change our internal attitude, and in some cases external, to improve or close/end a cycle with this relationship. Sometimes, the proper steps can be to approach the person and start a new way of conscious comunication. Other times, on the contrary, it is healthy to move away from it and not comunicate at all. The important thing is to express what we want in a positive way and, when necessary, to know how to put limits with love. we don't need to burn this letter. On some occasions, and whenever we feel that the person is ready to receive it and that it is going to be constructive, we can send the letter to that person. If we address a deceased person, sending it to an imaginary address can be a very powerful act.

Examples of letters (short versions):

First Letter

"Hi dad, I'm writing to tell you that you're crazy. You manipulate All facts, situations and feelings of my life. You can describe my problems perfectly, but you have no idea what they truly mean or what I feel. You have made me think for years that everything I see and feel is wrong.Because you over protected me, You've taken away from me the ability to react or deffend myself from any attack, so I've always been paralyzed and afraid. I hate that. I wish I had never met you. I also hate you for protecting me and validating the attacks from other people that hurted me. Every time iI answered you with new ideas , you looked at me like If I was crazy and you would reject word for word what I was feeling at that moment. Do not count on me. I think You are lost.

Anonymous

Second Letter

Hi dad, I liked it when you paid attention to me. You are intelligent when it comes to talking and it is fun. I liked when you seemed to be like a small kid and you played with me. I felt that I was free and safe in those moments. You have taught me the taste for smart sense of humor, and the love for long conversations and good stories. I like to remember that you also enjoyed those moments together with me. Thank you.

Anonymous

Third Letter Example

Hi dad, I am aware that you are in my life because I have to learn something from you. I understand that you have only one way of showing love and it's ok and I understand you. For me you are a teacher and an opportunity for me to learn to say "no" and to be faithful to what I feel. From now on I choose to stop manipulating facts and emotions to recieve love or be noticed. From now on I decide to choose people in my relationships who are not frightened of their feelings. I will try to show you my feelings, as I am already doing it with this letter, and to open my feelings regardless of whether it is correct for you or not.

Thanks
Anonymous


(I took this powerful excersices from the book by therapist Leonard Orr, hope they can be useful. I made my own translation from the excersices, so I apologise if you found any orthographic mistakes on it)
Blessings,
T.