How to deal with social anxiety

"3:40" Why do I have social anxiety? He forgot to say "Maybe I've been an PM addicted I'm ashamed about compulsively M for hours to P pics for years" . That's my cause of social anxiety. Treat the first, social anxiety fades with it

 

This might be a topic for a new thread but this is my problem: I have quit pmo for good and my social anxiety has diminished, however I just suck at talking to people. Im not afraid to talk to people, Its just hard for me to have a good conversation, often because I cant think of anything to say.

 

Same with me.

 

Today I went for a beach with a friend and 5 others of his friends. 4 Finland girls, superbly beautifull and cute, and very hot legs. I was the "newcomer" in the group, because from all the 7 people in the group, I just knew one. Nonetheless I went, but I sucked at talking so much that I didn't talk to the girls in the 4 or 5 hours we stayed on the beach. They didn't try to talk to me either, at some point they started to joke around for themselves like I wasn't there. It was very hard because I didnt wanted to go, now I did, and it has even awfull because It has 4 or 5 hours where everyone acted natural instead I didnt talk.

 

You are very early on in your porn recovery journey. 10 days is a nice start, but it is not long enough to heal from the damage you have done to yourself. The reason you couldn't interact in this group at the beach is because you carry the guilt of masturbating to porn for years. You were intimidated by the Finnish girls because they were superbly beautiful and cute with very hot legs! Your description of them is 100% physical - nothing about their personalities, the topics they spoke of etc. This is what porn does. It makes us look at other human beings as pieces of meat to be ogled at and devoured.

 

A method I use is sorta like roleplaying.

Pick someone you know with amazing confidence and speak as though you think they would. Or you could make up a role for yourself. Instead of "Jae with no social skills" I become "Jae with a quick smile and an easy laugh" or "Jae who has tons of experience with the opposite sex". Even though it's not quite who I am, it allows me to step outside of myself in a sense and fill a role.

Or if I'm in a group of people, I tend to set my sights on one person and befriend them. They'll usually draw you into some conversations and introduce you to others.

 

That is a method I have used in the past - to show an interest in one person and befriend them. If, during the duration of the time together, they engage with someone else then you can begin the process with another individual. In this way, it does not feel too overwhelming as you are just having a 1:1, but within a group.

The roleplaying idea, however, I would not recommend. Becoming more social is about becoming more comfortable in your own skin. If you begin to adopt roles that are not even "you", it simply reinforces that "the real you" is not good enough.

 

hello

 

Pick some interesting hobby something that you enjoy. Begin reading some books.

I think not knowing what to say comes from trying to find something to say which the other person would find interesting. Talk about things which you like(not any weird and pervy stuff) and learn to be a good listener.

 

I have this same issue. I end up making friends with women and not men. Because women never stop talking, you just nod and ask questions. (But not in an interrogating way).

 

This is a good point. I think the main solution is to build a life you enjoy and have passions and hobbies you work on and have a vast knowledge of. I should try opening up more and talking about what I like without being worried about external validation. Also when it comes to girls I should let them do more of the talking and I should urge them to express themselves. That way I can still talk about myself, but I give them more of an avenue to have their own voice while I try to keep the conversation going. Just need to relax and have a more confident aura in all social situations. Easier said than done but a wider range of activities in my life will provide a means to further engaging conversation.

 

Trust me struggling with that myself since I'm kind of introverted person.

 

How do adults even make friends? I'm an adult and my only friends are people I met in high school who I've mostly stopped talking to so I guess I don't have friends. I want to do some exposure therapy and get over my fear but how to even start? (I don't get panic attacks normally but I had one April 5 at work due to sleep deprivation.)

 

I guess chat up with someone from work and if you click with them personality wise then ask them for a drink. That is one way to do it.

Depends on your work. I'm not huge fan of friends in workplace since if things get sour then it will be awkward or unpleasant for you and that person.