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Your goals - from a 146 day-er

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by c-l-a-s-h, Jun 29, 2014.

  1. Jun 29, 2014 #1
    c-l-a-s-h

    c-l-a-s-h Fapstronaut

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    Don't let the struggle become the ultimate goal. Yeah, PMO and fighting against it give you a sense of purpose and of getting better with a measurable progress bar, however it shouldn't be the ultimate goal. I see a lot of people on here that have been getting to the same numbers and then resetting every time. Push yourself the extra mile. Make it resolute in your head. Not pumped up motivation, but calm dedication to not jerking off.

    In the end, the way I've stayed clean so long are a few things. The first was I have this distinct image in my head of one relapse where PMO-ed five times in two hours and I still wasn't satisfied. Then and there I realized that I've tried the PMO route and it doesn't work. Time to try something new. Everytime I wanted to relapse, I thought about that and realized that I've been there for too long, I know what PMO-ing does and ultimately it's not what I want. Get fucking resolute.

    Second, go to Nofap Academy on Youtube with Mark Queppet. Fucking helps big time.

    Third, come here until you trust yourself. Post every day. EVERY GODDAMN DAY. Keep a journal. It's helpful to know you're not alone.

    Fourth, Your Brain On Porn if you like the whole structured thing. There's a section on Rebooting that definitely helps with great resources.

    Fifth, bookmark motivation quotes and stuff when you feel down. Motivating texts, pictures, quotes, whatever for when you feel like relapsing hard core.

    Sixth, get some role models. I like James Bond. When I try to picture him jerking off, I can't. Why? Because he's fucking badass and he doesn't have to. Aspire to a role model even if they're fictional.

    Seventh, find stuff to do with your time other than not jerking off. If you spend most of your time focusing on not jerking off you have a bigger problem than PMO-ing. This should help with that: http://www.kratosguide.com/16-habits-you-should-do-every-day/

    Eighth, two of the most important things I think that helped during this journey was cold showers and meditation. The reason being is they deal with discomfort and getting to know yourself. Do them. Religiously.

    And ninth, the final. Ultimately, it comes down to you, the X Factor. You have all the tools. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to quit. But whatever you do, commit. Either, jerk off to porn to your heart's content or don't jerk off at all. There is no half-ass. There is no trying for two years and staying in the same place.

    "Be not afraid of going slowly, be only afraid of staying still."

    After two years, you should be more than capable of going ninety days or even not PMO-ing if that's what you desire. But there is no staying still.

    For me, the choice is easy. Although my life isn't perfect, I think it's a hell of a lot better without a mental, physical, and time drain like jerking off. It provides no purpose. So make the choice.

    But whatever you choose, I hope to god you commit. Because you can respect someone for their choices, right or wrong, but not neglecting to make a choice.

    Watch this video. I'm serious, watch it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPLxQD4akQ
     
    c-l-a-s-h, Jun 29, 2014
    c-l-a-s-h, Jun 29, 2014
    #1
  2. Jun 29, 2014 #2
    Up up and away

    Up up and away Fapstronaut

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    That Kratos guide is very good, I've bookmarked it. Thank you.
     
    Up up and away, Jun 29, 2014
    Up up and away, Jun 29, 2014
    #2
  3. Jun 29, 2014 #3
    etsme

    etsme Fapstronaut

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    You have all the tools. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to quit. But whatever you do, commit. Either, jerk off to porn to your heart's content or don't jerk off at all. There is no half-ass. There is no trying for two years and staying in the same place.

    Resonates
     
    etsme, Jun 29, 2014
    etsme, Jun 29, 2014
    #3
  4. Jun 29, 2014 #4
    AlltheRageBackHome

    AlltheRageBackHome Guest

    Lol, it's so true.
     
    AlltheRageBackHome, Jun 29, 2014
    AlltheRageBackHome, Jun 29, 2014
    #4
  5. Jun 30, 2014 #5
    FinallyFree

    FinallyFree Fapstronaut

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    this was extremely helpful. thank you for posting
     
    FinallyFree, Jun 30, 2014
    FinallyFree, Jun 30, 2014
    #5
  6. Jun 30, 2014 #6
    Madrileño

    Madrileño Fapstronaut

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    Agree with all of that - except the cold showers (aaaahhhhhh!!!!) however I wonder if there is an even bigger goal out there. Of course the first step is to be free ourselves as individuals. That's basic. Then we need to help and strengthen each other. For me that's both a natural consequence of making personal progress and being aware of the struggles of others. And I've found that trying to contribute back further strengthens my own resolve.

    However ... here's the big one ... can we, as we get personally free and help each other, do anything to have an impact on the world outside? By that I mean two things. People who may not yet be addicts but are heading that way and need to know what we've found out the hard way. I have two sons in their early 20s and I don't think either they nor I would be comfortable discussing my problems (which may not be any issue for them at all) but I also want to somehow alert them to the danger. So I'm planning to give each of them a gift of Norman Doige's book The Brain that Changes Itself which addresses the issue of pmo addiction and recovery but does so in the context of a wider look at brain chemistry that affects all sorts of learning. I hope that will be interesting and helpful for them but not so direct it makes us all cringe.

    So do any of you have any goal or means of influencing those around you? Family, friends, colleagues? Is there a way to do it that doesn't make us come over as freaks or weirdos?

    Then, as if that wasn't hard enough, how can we combat the industry that is enslaving our society? It's ok to warn about the risks and dangers of excessive drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling - but fapping??? It's going to be hard to be taken seriously on that one isn't it?

    Has anyone tried to do anything and how did it work out? How did you feel about it? Do you think that should be one of our legitimage goals - not to make anyone do things they don't want to (or stop what they do want) but simply to make them more aware of the addictive possibilities of pmo so they can be forewarned and forearmed.

    Ultimately I feel those who have recovered or are recovering might have a duty to alert the rest. What do you think?
     
    Madrileño, Jun 30, 2014
    Madrileño, Jun 30, 2014
    #6
  7. Jun 30, 2014 #7
    c-l-a-s-h

    c-l-a-s-h Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I keep nofap to myself. It's my struggle I don't constantly update friends on what I've been doing in that regard. That being said, I also have some friends that have made it relatively clear that they're unhappy and that they look up to me a bit. Not in an idol way, but more of a mutual respect way. When that happens, and they let me know they're not happy is when I usually broach the subject. They can refuse it or accept it but if I feel like letting him know that this might be a possible cause then I feel like it's my duty to inform him.

    That being said, it's kind of like religion. It's nice to have it as an option, a friendly suggestion, just don't shove it down their throats. You can't live their lives for them.
     
    c-l-a-s-h, Jun 30, 2014
    c-l-a-s-h, Jun 30, 2014
    #7
  8. Jun 30, 2014 #8
    SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

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    That bit about imagining James Bond jerking off to porn ... man, that is brilliant!
     
    SuperFan, Jun 30, 2014
    SuperFan, Jun 30, 2014
    #8
  9. Jun 30, 2014 #9
    sender

    sender Fapstronaut

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    Yes. I've come to the conclusion that we should focus on alerting those who haven't been hooked yet. If our society is colluding (knowingly or otherwise) with the porn industry to indoctrinate us into a "porn is harmless and normal" world-view, then we need to become part of an opposing voice. We will not be able to speak louder than they do, but we have to speak up. The "powers that be" have long and insidious tentacles that reach into every corner of our society: television, movies, books, social media, the news, government, and even scientific research (that is still today heavily informed by Kinsey's mistaken assumptions). This view has become so normalized, so assimilated into our culture that even normal people are spreading the idea by association. To my point, my wife was surprised when I told her I had a porn problem. She wasn't surprised that I was using porn, but that I thought it was a problem - she thought that all guys do it and that it's normal and harmless. Now she knows better.

    If we don't speak up, it will only get worse. What will be the cost to our society if the next generation grows up knowing nothing about intimate relationships except what they see in porn? I fear we may already be at that point. When I started down the road to recovery, I knew that porn was poison to me, but I didn't realize how much it's harming our society.

    I found this: http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/. I'm going to make a donation. I'm also going to talk to my kid's school to see if we can get them in to do a presentation.
     
    sender, Jun 30, 2014
    sender, Jun 30, 2014
    #9
  10. Jul 1, 2014 #10
    Break the Chain

    Break the Chain Fapstronaut
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    That Kratosguide is just what I have been looking for, cheers Clash!
     
    Break the Chain, Jul 1, 2014
    Break the Chain, Jul 1, 2014
    #10

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