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Story: I chickened out + Day 48

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by calistenicshype, Mar 23, 2017.

  1. Hello guys, currently on Day 48, going 49. This is an update to my previous thread that I have posted I think last week.

    Feeling at ease with myself in terms of how far I have reached, but there are many more days to come. Will continue to work on it, don't have much anxiety when talking to people in general anymore as compared to the past, but I feel fucking nervous when talking in a class with so many girls, which I am facing in my psychology class.

    In my previous thread, I mentioned about this girl who I had a strong interest in my tutorial class and I wanted to step out of my comfort zone to say hi or ask her for her number etc. Today is the last time I will probably see her since it is the last tutorial. She was sitting just 2 seats beside me and the moment I saw her, my world just stopped. I just couldn't open my mouth and say something, even as simple as "Hi". I don't usually stumble in front of people, but during my sharing on self-esteem issue today, I just blew it. Although I tried to keep my composure, I just stuttered and talked like a robot. When the tutorial class ended, we were on our way out and there were other students present too. I really tried to muster the courage to talk to her but I hesitated and just got too nervous that I decided to give up in the end. After she left my sight, I just wanted to bang my head against the wall and felt crappy. After writing this, I will be heading off to exercise to vent my stress/frustration or whatever we call it.

    Sometimes, when you expect something from someone, and you don't get what you want or anything out of it, you just feel disappointed with yourself. Currently, I am thinking "Damn, what's the point, it's so hard, I am going to stay single forever". At that moment, I just wanted to relieve that stress by going back to PMO but I calmed down and thought "I am not going back there again".

    Anyways, that being said, I am still comforted by the 48 days I have reached, even though I didn't have the confidence to talk to a girl I am interested in. It's not the end of the world. Probably have other things to focus on such as my upcoming exams. Just going to forget about it and move on, unfortunately.

    Peace. Off to workout.
     
  2. Fringe

    Fringe Fapstronaut

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    sounds like u got ur mojo back
     
  3. Sounds like you are still struggling with putting girls on a pedestal. Girls are normal people like You and I. Threat them like you would threat a normal friend. Do not be afraid of joking, small talk etc. The best way to kill you anxiety of approaching girls is to jump right into it and talk to as many as possible.
     
  4. PieLover

    PieLover Fapstronaut

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    Whenever I have a similar feeling about a girl, I just joke about it with the girl. For example, you could have stared at her (until she notices) and then say something like, "Sorry I'm a slow thinker when I look at beautiful girls". Women are like men, imagine a woman comes to you and tells you you're beautiful. You will feel flattered right? The same goes with women. Just be yourself. One more tip, is don't be logical with women, if you overthink about a move/censor yourself, you will succeed in convincing yourself how foolish that was going to be. So instead, just go ahead and do it. Good luck.
     
    SweetTransformation and Fringe like this.
  5. Thanks for the tips. But I guess I just move on from it. Probably won't see her anytime soon. Staying focus on improving myself first. Maybe I placed too many pressure on myself on forcing myself to speak to girls. Appreciate the advice on treating girls like a normal friend. Pretty helpful.

    Cheers.
     
  6. Well, I hope it is as simple you said. I don't usually stumble when talking or giving a speech, but it happens sometimes in front of too many girls. Appreciate the advice on treating girls as a normal friend. Pretty helpful. Taking this is as an experience nonetheless.

    Cheers.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  7. LoyalKnight

    LoyalKnight Fapstronaut

    I feel the same. I am currently on +50 days, but I still did not manage to approach a girl. I feel bad about it for days to come, and like you said, I just want to "bang my head against the wall". I keep thinking why I hesitate that much, but you know how it is. When you have the chance, you forget everything and just chicken out - I feel with you.

    Also, I used the "I will focus on other things" excuse way to often. Approaching a girl does not mean that you cannot focus on other things, that is just an excuse which I overuse. Do not forget: There will be no success unless you break the ice.
     
    calistenicshype likes this.
  8. Glad to know somebody has the same experience as I did. Appreciate the insight on the "focus" excuse, will keep it in mind and not let it deter me from making friends, irregardless.

    Cheers.
     
  9. Kedge>

    Kedge> New Fapstronaut

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    Yes I remember your last post! Hey, it's ALL good man, this sort of thing has a way of toughening us up. Embrace that aspect of it. I can tell you hundreds of stories of myself that would make you feel way better about this whole thing.
    But your attitude right now is perfect. And you'll probably have a lot of pent-up frustration over the next several days to a week, and that can be a VERY powerful and beneficial source of energy if you use it to create good habits(which would then need to be tempered by discipline). And hopefully you'll have all your good habits reinforcing you on your next approach. Stick with it, man, there'll be another one coming soon.
     
  10. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    Heres some tips: when you see a girl you like, you have within 1-4 seconds to make an approach or your emotional mind makes up stupid excuses like "she doesn't like short guys", "its too cold in here" "she might not like bald guys" etc(illogical reasons why you can't approach, basically). If you approach within that time limit, you bypass this "nonsense" your brain comes up with.
    Also when youre around Hot women or a girl you like, don't walk around eggshells around her(meaning don't put her on a pedestal or becoming a kiss ass just for her, also if she asks you to do something, get her to comply first, this thinking sets you aside from all the men who kiss her ass) also don't be too cool for school. In the attraction stage have the mindset of a boy (I know it sounds counter intuitve, but its the truth).
    Lastly women will rarely approach you, even if your good looking. The game is You have to approach, sorry thats just how it is. Keep this phrase in mind "Your hesitation is her reservation" good luck!
     
    PotentLife and calistenicshype like this.
  11. Wow, that was pretty spot on. Thanks for the tips.

    Cheers.
     
    PotentLife likes this.
  12. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing a delicate matter and congratulations on your days of Nofap accomplished. Sometimes when you're fixated on one girl, you can forget to talk with other people who don't intimidate you. In workout terms, talking to them might be called warming up. If you try to move the heavy weights cold, they can hurt you. So you start with stretching, calisthenics, light weights, easing into the situation. Sometimes I'm so shy I have to just make friendly, benign comments as I'm walking by people, just something interesting I notice, "Wow. That's a beautiful jacket!" then continue walking my own way without even waiting for a reaction. If they do react, maybe I'll smile and give a positive sign, then continue walking. Or I'll actually converse with somebody who doesn't intimidate me, saying something honest, positive and encouraging to them, just so I can feel in the flow and good about myself. I'll bet if you talk with enough people, you'll be talking to a girl like the one you mentioned out of sheer momentum. You'll be saying all kinds of cool things to her, she'll be responding, gushing, flipping her hair, deferring to you, and in the back of your mind you'll be thinking, "Oh-my-god, I must be dreaming, because this is too easy!"
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2017
  13. Hello there, thanks for the suggestion! Well, I was feeling shitty just 2 days back, but I'm alright now. Ditched the idea of trying to approach the girl I like because it makes me stressed and nervous. Just going to let things go smoothly or naturally from now on. Before I quitted PMO, I pretty much stayed at home after school or work to spend time by myself jerking off instead of socializing out there or doing more constructive things. At some point, I realized that I couldn't even talk properly or normally to a stranger like I was able to when I was younger. I have never been in a relationship before and I think it is a good time to start (I am 23). At times I do feel lonely because my parents work long hours and I only see them at night, but I also don't really converse with them much because they are tired from work and can't really understand my problems. I also don't have close friends that I can share my troubles with. Maybe my mind is telling me to get a partner to compensate for the loneliness I am feeling right now. As of now, I am focusing on my school work and creating a healthy lifestyle I can sustain for the long run.

    Cheers.
     
    Clean Plate and PotentLife like this.
  14. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Conversing with us here on this site is a start and it can lead somewhere positive in your social life! All the best. I admire what you're doing to improve yourself.
     

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