Hey guys/gals, new here need some advice

Anonymous_ · Feb 18, 2017

Hey guys, i stumbled upon this forum from google.

My story: i've been masturbating/porn since i was 14. I am now 29 years old. I've had very sever days where i'd masturbate upto 8 times a day even.

I recently got married to the love of my life. Thing is i am having problems with me sex life. I cannot keep an erection and lose erection really fast. When on porn this never happened. I do jave enough erections at morning or middle of the night for intercourse but during daytime/night when fully awake its a problem.

When i am next to my wife i instantly get a boner which is really hard like those of a porn but ot doesnt last long and just goes away, i canstay hard if i stroke it a bit but the visual thi g is not there.

The wierd part in this is i'll get boner when next to my wife when clothed, as soon as we start making out and clothes come off, when inserting the penis, penis goes soft. Its like its trolling me.

So far i havent watched any porm for the past 2 weeks and have not masturbated as well as no sex. I've discussed the problem with my partner and she is okay with me rebooting for 2, 3 months, however long it takes.

Besides my sex drive has recently been very low other than the "always erected penis" when clothed and cuddling with the wife. I dunno how to explain it, i mean i want to have sex but not as much as i wanted to masturbate to porm when i wasnt married. I hope you guys get what i mean.

My question to you guys is, when can i expect a normal functioning sex life?
Me quitting porn/masturbation/sex is the correct thing to do?
Should i try pills and see if it can help me maintain the erection? I dont want to though as i might rely on it too much, thats the only thing holding me back from using the pills.
I feel like my problem is more mental than physical as i mentioned above i get very hard morning wood almost daily. And very hard erections when cuddling with the wife, even kissing her. Maybe it's anxiety? As i've had some anxiety issues all my life

Any other advice would be highly appreciated and thanks for viewing this post.

I apologize in advance for any typos i typed using my phone which was a nightmare lol.

Thanks again!

Fighter834 · Feb 18, 2017

Congrats on the marriage and for making it this far into your recovery! This is a common issue many face early on in recovery, "flatlining", which causes the symptoms you're describing. Many believe its related to the brain neurochemistry resetting. There's nothing you can do to prevent it and it will go away slowly with time as you get farther into your recovery. I dealt with this issue off and on for several months during the first year of my recovery but the issue resolved and has not recurred. Give it time and don't take medications, they probably wouldn't help anyways since this is a mental issue. It sounds like your wife is supportive and that's the most important thing. The anxiety from thinking about it makes the symptoms worse and the problem gets into a vicious cycle that is difficult to get out of. Do not give up on your recovery! Keep fighting

Anonymous_ · Feb 18, 2017

Fighter834 said: ↑

Congrats on the marriage and for making it this far into your recovery! This is a common issue many face early on in recovery, "flatlining", which causes the symptoms you're describing. Many believe its related to the brain neurochemistry resetting. There's nothing you can do to prevent it and it will go away slowly with time as you get farther into your recovery. I dealt with this issue off and on for several months during the first year of my recovery but the issue resolved and has not recurred. Give it time and don't take medications, they probably wouldn't help anyways since this is a mental issue. It sounds like your wife is supportive and that's the most important thing. The anxiety from thinking about it makes the symptoms worse and the problem gets into a vicious cycle that is difficult to get out of. Do not give up on your recovery! Keep fighting
Click to expand...

Thank you so much man. Your awesome reply really makes me confident this is going to work. You are awesome!!!
Thank you!!!

sirfapstinence · Feb 18, 2017

Anonymous_ said: ↑

My question to you guys is, when can i expect a normal functioning sex life?
Me quitting porn/masturbation/sex is the correct thing to do?
Should i try pills and see if it can help me maintain the erection? I dont want to though as i might rely on it too much, thats the only thing holding me back from using the pills.
I feel like my problem is more mental than physical as i mentioned above i get very hard morning wood almost daily. And very hard erections when cuddling with the wife, even kissing her. Maybe it's anxiety? As i've had some anxiety issues all my life
Click to expand...

I'll add to the previous comment. Yes, you are in what is called a flatline. During the next 90 days, don't PMO at all. Your brain is now used to getting sexually excited only through porn. What might help in your recovery is if you rewire your brain to physical intimacy with your wife. And by that I mean, just kissing, touching and holding hands. Don't go beyond that since you're already having trouble with an erection and if you keep trying, eventually this will also turn into performance anxiety and you don't want that. Your brain will begin to register your partner as the real deal. I very highly recommend - yourbrainonporn.com. Its an excellent resource to understanding your addiction and the problem you're facing and will have an answer to almost any question that you can think of.

MonacledGentleman · Feb 18, 2017

I'll add that because your sex life thus far has been mostly with your hand, you have trained your brain that sex involves looking at porn and stroking with your hand. Since a vagina doesn't feel anything like a hand, your penis/brain says, "oh, I thought we were going to have sex, but this doesn't feel like sex, so I guess I'll just go back to sleep.". Rebooting is the step to rewire your brain to accept a vagina as real sex.

silenteagle · Feb 18, 2017

You need a little bit of patience with rebooting-it may take some time. But once you are done with this stage things will be somewhat better.

Mr. Whistler · Feb 18, 2017

Being married doesn't means you have to do sex. I think you are overthinking something that should come naturally and without pressure. If you married recently, it may be the pressure to do it soon. You are young, probably you can expect a normal life soon.

Anonymous_ · Feb 24, 2017

Thank you so much guys i really really appreciate these advices. I am more than 2 weeks into no PMO and now the ueges are getting stronger but i am holding them off for now.

Another question i have is, is it okay to be aroused by being intimate with the wife, playing around and foreplay etc, but not cumming? Or will that mess us my rebooting?

Also if the wife gives a handjob is that okay too? Or srrictly no handjob/masturbation for the next 90 days?

Anonymous_ · Feb 25, 2017

Anonymous_ said: ↑

Another question i have is, is it okay to be aroused by being intimate with the wife, playing around and foreplay etc, but not cumming? Or will that mess us my rebooting?

Also if the wife gives a handjob is that okay too? Or srrictly no handjob/masturbation for the next 90 days?
Click to expand...

Anyone with info on the above questions? Thanks

Log in

Hey guys/gals, new here need some advice

Anonymous_ Fapstronaut

Fighter834 Fapstronaut

Anonymous_ Fapstronaut

sirfapstinence Fapstronaut

MonacledGentleman Fapstronaut

silenteagle Fapstronaut

Mr. Whistler Fapstronaut

Anonymous_ Fapstronaut

Anonymous_ Fapstronaut

Share This Page