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Getting Laid Journal

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Son_of_Iroquois, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    ...

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    That's a good reframe. I was just starting to feel bad about my lack of social life until I saw this. Good. It's time to step up my game. The foundation has been set. It's time to evolve once again.
     
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  3. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    “Dare to believe in the reality of your assumption,
    and watch the world play its part relative to to its fulfillment.”


    Neville Goddard
     
    Enki likes this.
  4. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    I'm adding this to my signature.
     
  5. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Nevermind, it looks like they changed the max lines for a signature.
     
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  6. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Feeling heavy, weighed down. I have to admit that this last couple of days got to me. Yesterday was the first time I considered giving up. It is exhausting going out again and again, working to build a connection out of nothing, investing emotional energy that 9 times out of 10 is never returned or appreciated. I feel worthless, like there is nothing within me that matters. Quitting is the easy route. Quitting is safe. But I refuse to give up. Every time I take a hit, get shot down, and then return, I am stronger. The worse I feel today, the stronger I will be tomorrow. I will never give up, because at the end of the day I can only count on myself to make this happen. If I do not create this for myself, nobody will. It is on me.
     
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  7. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Had an awesome night. I decided to take my feelings of depression and loneliness and turn them into something positive, so I went downtown with the intention of meeting more women. The venue was a pub crawl which gave me the chance to mingle with about 40 people for the entire night at different bars.

    I ran into a girl I was supposed to meet up with the other day. She is cool, an aspiring actress. I talked to her at the beginning of the night, but she dissed me and walked away and started talking to some other guys. So I just let it go and started talking to random people, guys and girls, and got into different conversations. Met around 6-7 women who I genuinely hit it off with, and was getting very strong eye contact from others whom I didn't speak to directly.

    Spent most of the night talking to this Canadian woman who is training to be a pilot. Very interesting and intelligent person. Another woman was a photographer who works in the city. The venue was very good because if I didn't hit it off with someone, I could just turn around and start talking to someone else. I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself to make things happen on my own. Better to just get into a good environment and let my surroundings help me out.

    It was interesting because at the end of the night the actress who snubbed me kept trying to get my attention, kept looking over at me trying to catch my eye. I was leaving to go home and she came and asked me why I didn't talk to her. I told her "no reason, just enjoying the atmosphere" She asked me what I'm doing tomorrow and said she wanted to meet up.

    We'll see what happens, but to be honest I don't really care as I had so much fun at the pub crawl. I think this is going to be my go-to venue from now on. No pressure, plenty of options and interesting people. Just overall fun. I feel great.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
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  8. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Dude this is awesome. I love how I got to read about your transformation from "It's the first time I'm considering giving up" to "Fuck depression and anxiety. I'm going to make it awesome... and I just did." in one day.

    Honestly, your approach of "I'm just going to have fun" is the best way I've found to go as well. For some reason, when your primary intention is "I'm going out to have fun" and treat sex with women as only some secondary extension of that, they somehow get ATTRACTED to you rather than if you actively go to them first.

    I'm not sure why this is, but my guess is that they can tell your intention is to have fun first, and they also want to have fun. They won't feel like they're only used for sex first since that's not your first goal anyway. Rather than get defensive about protecting their tender spots, they want to open up to you.

    In any case, awesome job man. Glad to see you bounce back up. Have fun on your quest!
    I'm keeping this thread on my watch list.
     
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  9. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    WOW! beautiful and inspiring!
     
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  10. tendency14

    tendency14 Fapstronaut

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    Really nice man, your efforts are incredible, anf it is helpfull for me, i wasnt able to find a thread like this one where the guy archives real life experiences and ways to getting laid wich is awsome, i have read this entire thread from the begining, keep doing this i really want to read the part were you get to the goal
     
  11. Paleblood

    Paleblood Fapstronaut

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    This thread makes my head hurt.
     
  12. Deadlihood

    Deadlihood Fapstronaut

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  13. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    No. I haven't been trying, to be honest. Been working a lot, focusing on other things.

    I guess deep down I really do not care about this like I used to. I feel I have outgrown the mindset that I used to have, and what motivated me in my twenties no longer motivates me now. The main reason is that I feel I have evolved past just wanting to have sex for the sake of having it.

    I was in love once with an amazing person, someone who inspired me everyday and opened the door to the beauty of life, someone who I connected with on every level. She gave me a true gift that changed who I was as a person. But I lost her. And that sucks.

    I was hoping maybe I would find that connection again, but I see now that the odds of finding a person like her again are slim to none. Maybe it will happen again, one day.

    Now I am interested in building value within myself, developing business ideas, making money, travelling and exploring, writing, working on my physical fitness and health. I don't care about chasing women around bars all night or putting all this effort into achieving something which I already achieved ten years ago. It is dumb. When I see a woman I like, I will approach her, but other than that, I will do my own thing in life from now on.

    If this journal helped you, I am glad. You may be a virgin or think that you will never find true love, but as long as you believe that you have something to offer, and you get out there and approach women, you will find someone special who you truly connect with. But it does take patience, and persistence, for most people to get there. Best of luck.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
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  14. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Whoa. And here I am reading this while I'm in the exact opposite situation as you are in. I'm currently focused on health, diet exercise, building my own value, business ideas, career, exploration etc, but I'm also secretly longing to just go out and "have fun" by going out with a bunch of women.

    Is it really not that worth it if it's not with the right women? I'm glad to see you've moved on and shifted to a more self-value-centric (is that a word? Yeah. In my book it's a word, so it's a word) lifestyle, but I can't help thinking I still want to EXPERIENCE going out, exploring, failing, and trying again and again and again until I succeed and get good with women anyway - and soon reap the benefits.

    This is making me reconsider the worth of that lifestyle.

    Still, I loved to read about your journey and I'm glad you've found something that fulfills you now. Keep going man.
     
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  15. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    It's definitely worth it, if you meet the right person. My view is that it's an evolution. You start out being inexperienced, you make the effort to go out and develop some level of ability with women, you enjoy that for a while, and then eventually you meet someone who you really connect with on a higher level. At that point you choose to either settle down with that person or not. For you at this point in your life, it may well be the right thing to do. It is part of your evolution as a person.

    For me it is very difficult going back to a lower mindset that I had when I was younger. Having experienced what I feel is a true relationship, it feels pointless now just to go out looking for the physical aspect, like I am forcing it. It's ignorance, on my part, ignorance of a higher state of value that I have already attained. It is a retrogression of consciousness. What motivates me now is using my mind, working with ideas, and as far as relationships go, meeting someone who I can connect with on a higher level. All other pursuits are just a meaningless waste of time and energy at this point.
     
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  16. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your feedback. You're even using the same language as I am - my goal is to evolve in all of the major areas of my life.

    This is indeed a worthy pursuit for me. I wish you the best of luck in your own pursuits.
     
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  17. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    son of irquois, i really admire you, but I have one question.

    Do you think a meaningful relationship cannot develop after the approach-phase?

    I say this because for me in the past, I found a meaningful and deep relationship with a lady I approached on the street, and it developed into something much deeper.
     
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  18. Audere est Facere

    Audere est Facere Fapstronaut

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    Also I wanna add my two cents.

    What I learned was just focusing on myself alone left a longing for what is on the other side, and all the people going out and meeting each other, and being open to the possibilities. I didn't like the fact that I was closing the door myself and even if I left the door unlocked, I realized that women don't walk into your life until you put in some effort. I am sure many women were attracted to me during this 3-year period, but I would never move beyond friendly gestures, at most. I felt it belittling to even flirt, and I feared rejection like the end-of-the-world.

    On the other hand, always chasing tail mindlessly is exhausting and you will take whatever comes your way, and it can potentially feed feelings of self-aggrandizement or frustration if not balanced.

    This where I developed this system of OTTSM (one thing that scares me). Talking to girls in a romantic context or flirting was something I patently avoided simply because I was focusing on myself, but I guess my fallacy was that they are mutually exclusive. I discovered that I can continue to build myself while challenging myself with approaching girls and just getting friendly and comfortably conversational. Another big part of the scheme was to face rejection head-on and not let it elicit self-doubt or diminish my self-worth. Now I will go and talk to a girl or two in different contexts, but my world doesn't rely on it, however, I have pledged to continue doing this because it only helps me feel freer, more open to my environment and helps me stay out of my comfort zone. I like all those benefits! Also, it feels good to talk to them, but with nofap, I am not dying to do it. It's not like I NEED to do it, but it does give a good adrenaline rush!

    This journey has been very meaningful to me because I have come to value my own opinion more than of other people, and my biggest motivations was to not fall into a comfort zone. To not talk to them is the more "Comfortable" option, but to be more agile and seeking opportunities feels like I'm keeping my chops fresh.

    My goals for doing that is to potentially build meaningful relationships, which don't have to be romantic or sexual, and also to continue to increase my confidence and to deal with situations which others would classify as awkward. In short, I want to distinguish myself.

    @Enki - I think I was on the same boat as you, but then I started going out! You should too! you have got nothing to lose, and a lot to experience! Just stay positive and like son_of_irquois said in his inspirational post! YOU CAN ONLY COUNT ON YOURSELF TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
     
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  19. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man, absolutely I do. From my personal experience that is a good way to start a relationship. One of the reasons is that it takes a lot of confidence to bring a strong approach that connects with a woman, and therefore you are starting off framing the relationship from a position of strength.

    However, some women may discount you if you start with a ONS. They will see you as lower value and not "relationship material". It all depends on the person.

    I know what you mean. I think there is a balance to be struck. You can get to a point where your confidence and ability is on a level where you keep it on the "back burner", in other words, it's there when you need it. You don't make a conscious, active effort all the time, but whenever you see a woman who looks interesting, you approach and see what happens. You have enough experience and self belief that you pick and choose your interactions. This is the stage I am at now.

    I can't follow this approach anymore.

    I like this. It is a good system to have in life, confronting your fears. I think that approaching is like anything: first you're scared, but over time you get used to the new behavior, then one day your fear suddenly evaporates, and it seems silly to ever have felt afraid. Any person who consistently puts himself in new and challenging situation will be successful in life. The number one reason people do not actualise new opportunities is because they're afraid to take the first step, they stay in their comfort zone. Once you adopt the mindset that you have adopted, the sky is the limit, for anything. And that is awesome.

    Personally, it is no longer uncomfortable for me to approach. I have been doing this for many years, since my mid twenties or so. I am at a point where it is almost pedestrian, and what I care about more is the substance of what the woman has to say.

    It is possible to think that you want something, but then after going after it you realise that it's not what you want anymore in life. This is kind of what happened during this journal. I realized that I am not as interested in random hook ups as I am in meeting the caliber of woman who could be a long term GF or possible spouse. To this end it is more important to work on myself and further develop who I am as an individual, and perhaps one day I will meet a woman who values intelligent thought, creativity, and adventure like I do. But I know now that this is not going to come from going out to bars on the weekend. True creative value lies within.

    Like I said, I see it as an evolution. You are at your own stage in your evolution where certain things are more important. As you progress and evolve your priorities may or may not change. For me they definitely have, and this journal helped me realize that.
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2017
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