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How to man up?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Dec 16, 2016.

  1. I have a problem and I think it's related to me mostly than to her. Let me get I straight - we are not in relationship.

    I'm 21 and met her, 28 in workplace. In a year we were closing our distance and a week earlier we had sex. Quite a long time, huh? But I'm patient as hell. During this time she broke up with her bf, because he was cheating on her. Now she's single but still she is afraid of going into relationship. "I'm not ready for this". Yesterday we had long conversation - she told me that she doesn't love me, not feeling that at all. She appreciates my time and efforts for her, but I'm not getting anything from it. I help her looking for job - company has refused to give her another contract so in January we won't meet anymore in workplace. I have really big network of contacts so I have contacted few people and got few headhunters contacts. We were on few dates that were going really smooth. I felt like I was going somewhere with friend than date. I have fallen for her. She helped me overcome this Nofap urges and it's awesome. But she said that she can't promise me anything.
    Always when I come to another beauty in work and chit chat, she comes to me like she's jealous or something. I think that problem is that I'm always there for her. She's really self-sufficient and always underline it in our talks. She's calling to me every evening to casually talk for more than 2-3 hours.
    One friend told me that I should give up and let her think for a week or two. Or even more. What should I do? I'm always really confident in these situations for it's first time I don't know what to do.
    Please help me.
     
  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    That's minimum also my advice.

    You seem to have no real profile. What do you want in life?

    There is some emotional connection between you two, but it's not a healthy one.

    A true partnership consists of two people who are equally strong.
     
  3. Thanks for reply!
    I don't understand what profile means in this case. I have few goals in my life. I want to achieve them, maybe not so fast, but it would be good, if I achieve them earlier than in 40s or 50s. I want also a healthy relationship, where I can count on her and she can count on me.
    Acutally, she's like walking chaos, while I'm calm like an ocean on sunny morning. She fires up me, when I need it, and I cool her down, when she's burning. I'm a good observer and she wanted to come close to me, but lately that stopped. I always helped her if she needed it. And I think that is the problem.
    Now she's looking for a good job. That's her excuse to not enter in relationship with me. That's more important - cool, I understand it. You can't live without money in this world.
    I think I have melted as a man. I'm going to go back to workout, since I have quited it... I don't know why. I have my own rules that I respect and don't even bend them on the occasion. But these emotions that are coming from that relation is killing my own character and mental health. Any tips to toughen up? I don't want to be wavering like a flag in the wind.
     
  4. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Here you should draw a line. When you give, then be sure that you get. Learn to demand from her. Otherwise she will not respect you.

    You are thinking very far ahead! What about a goal for year 2017 ?

    The emotions are the key of course.
    I think you have fear of being alone.

    Yes, as said, learn to demand from her. And draw a line. You are not her servant.
    And also be ready that she might split up. So be ready to be alone.

    But trust me: When you draw a line, she will respect you. Your relationship will then either improve, or it will break up.
    Both is better than a wavering-flag-relationship.
     
  5. GotWhiskers

    GotWhiskers Fapstronaut

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    She can't have you and not have you at the same time. Remember, though, that she is going through her struggle. She seems to have feelings for you, but she is afraid of getting hurt again. It's important to set your own boundaries. If she isn't ready then she shouldn't be keeping other girls away from you until she is. That tells me that she isn't looking out for your happiness.
     
  6. iwmsgan

    iwmsgan Fapstronaut

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    >In a year we were closing our distance and a week earlier we had sex. Quite a long time, huh?

    I'm sorry that bit was confusing. I'm assuming it means she had sex with you and is now giving you the friend zone?

    I'd recommend moving on.
     
  7. Well, I think that's true too. I want a real relationship, when we can support each other, not when I'm giving more than I get. I'm also a human being and have my needs. From the next week I will just see improving myself as a goal, not to serve her and help. I know that's good and cool, but that's not how it works. Thank you - your post gave me a lot of things to think about. God bless you.

    I think she wants me to be happy, but right now isn't the right moment. But serving her and being there for all her calls are just bad idea.
    I will set a line.

    Next week will be deciding for me and for her. I will draw a line and look how it will look like.
    Moving on~~
     
  8. Green_Tea

    Green_Tea Fapstronaut

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    In my opinion, this is probably true.
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  9. Yeah, I'm afraid of being alone, but is it bad?
     
  10. Green_Tea

    Green_Tea Fapstronaut

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    It is what it is, but I wouldn't say that there is anything wrong with being alone. Although, if you want my opinion on the matter, I would suggest being direct and honest by asking her what she wants out of this "relationship"/friendship and get a straight forward answer. If she still leaves things unclear, then I would have to agree with some of the other suggestions. Consider focusing on your own path and try moving on. I hope this issue of yours is resolved sometime soon. All the best!
     
    LongWayHome likes this.

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