Justifing Faping

Never.

 

It's up to you Capt, but the forum is called "nofap"

Personally, I don't intend to ever fap again and wish I never had. If you abstain from it long enough you might not find yourself looking upon it so favorably anymore, and you might not see it as a 'treat' any longer.

I see it as a disgusting addiction that makes me miserable, harms my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being and robs me of energy as well as making me feel ashamed. You can say the shame is due to social conditioning, but I don't really care much what people think of me, and society encourages masturbation, there is a nasty feeling of shame that I can't get rid of from it.

But different strokes for different folks. It's really up to you, but I think if you abstain long enough you will find that you are not missing anything at all.

 

Haha, different strokes for different folks...
(I apologize if the joke's very overdone among the nofap gang...)

 

Captain, I think your question is like how curiosity killed the cat. By asking the question to yourself, you're almost opening a door of enabling yourself to fap. I used to justify fappjng because my wife hadn't put out the night before, or that she did and it was so good I needed more so I justified that as well. I guess my point is, it's definitely up to you but I personally have thought about justifying the reasons why I'm not fapping when the urge hits. Think about why you wanted to stop in the first place and if you feel as though you need to "reward" yourself you may be playing with fire. I'm fairly new here but I see people talking about rewarding yourself indeed but with something other than fapping. If I'm trying to quit smoking weed and I reward myself with a joint I'm not exactly staying sober. Anyway just my two cents, do what you feel you can handle. Later captain!

 

I really liked this, especially the conclusion. Don't have time right now to write more but will follow.

 

opps, was writing in response to Captin at the top of the page...

 

I have to learn to stop justifying it myself.

 

It seems to me that any activity can be seen in at least a couple of ways: It either occurs organically, which is to say that it arises in the moment and experienced, or it is justified, and then it is experienced. For this secong example there is a premeditation involved and I have found that for me there is a direct link between justification and a feeling of guilt. They seem to go hand in hand. I think that anything that has to be justified can be seen as something that is an issue. This can be eating a pint of chocolate ice cream, or having a scotch, or watching porn. Its all relative. Masturbation is a natural thing, and by most accounts there is nothing wrong with it. But for us, here in this place, it is linked to a host of psychological byproducts that are quite unhealthy.
I can relate to portions of your post Larry and I commend you for the time that you have logged. Its not easy what your doing. Loneliness can be ones undoing in this fight to be sure. Do your best man. What else can you do?

 

I called you larry. I think I had gotten you confused with some other post that I had read. I apologize.

 

I am justifying not delecting all my bookmarks and downloaded porn. I know it will be good for me if I do delete them because I'd be removing myself from that environment where I'd be tempted. I just can't get past what has been programed over years of PMOing. It's like I'm going against me own survival instincts. And if I do I feel like I won't be able to function in life. In a sense PMOing allowed me to function but in an unhealthy way. It's all a matter of reprograming my software.

 

Yeah, It is tough. And I think I know why. The void that pornography has left us with is frightening. When we finally realize that pornography has taken away more than it has given, we completely try to eliminate it out of existence. This leaves a giant hole in our being. It's kind of like cutting a tumor out of the brain. Your brain now has to relearn how to function in this new environment it's not used to.

Starting today, I am going to start filling the void with new healthy habits. An empty hole that's not filled is like a trap waiting for someone to fall in. The key is finding the right mix of earth to fill it in.

P.S. I realize my tumor analogy might not have sounded realistic, but hopefully you got it. LOL!

 

I think that you guys are on the right path. Anytime that you are engaging in an activity that you find unhealthy either on a physical level or a mental one and desire to put it to rest, its necessary to find a suitable, healthy substitute. In our case, there is a combined torture of "I feel like shit because of...(whatever it is)...and now I want to do something that makes me feel better about myself". Unfortunately this is easily accommodated by bringing the fantasy of sexual release into the fold. Its a lie, and we all know it. It is a temporary fix for a temporary situation that only strengthens the condition we are trying to break free of. The painful truth is this: For whatever reason we are fucked up in some way. "I'm still a virgin, I was unpopular, I am ashamed of my appearance, I'm....whatever the hell I am that I don't like". So its a mental issue that provokes a feeling of pain of some kind, and it concludes by branching out to make yourself feel good physically as an offset. If you have a headache, putting a bandaid on your elbow isn't going to help you.
I understood this on an intellectual level but it took me a long time to actually make the break. Some of it was boredom and some of it is psychological pain. I looked into this site a couple of times and the day I created an account and read some of the content here I realized that it was time to get some control over this bullshit impulse reaction I have sometimes.
It should be said that I have a issue that is certainly PMO related and there is a sexual addiction to be sure. But relative to some it is mild as a comparison. I am married, I have kids, and live an active, healthy, content and happy life. The fact is Ive been dealing with PMO for some 30 years now. For the first time in this span I have gone a full month without.
The takeaway here is that I used this site as a substitute for porn. Its become the first thing I go to when I sit at my desk. I feel the pain of the folks on this site, and I understand what looking at porn does to me. Its a fucking distraction from understanding who you are, just like anything else, whether its drugs or gummybears man it doesn't matter.
Get serious. Get real with yourself and don't waste 30 years of your life. If you want to quit, then quit. The second you feel like your gonna do something you will regret, change your situation. Don't think about it, just do it.

 

I agree with your points 100%. And the part I quoted fits me to a tee: family, active, healthy, content and happy life. I'm now at 1 month as well. For me it has been 25 years since the addiction started. I've functioned fairly well in spite of it, but feel like my 30s was a bit of a void because that is when I was most heavily into it. I'm 49 now.

 

Read this a few times this week and it's become one of my all-time favorite posts on the forum. Right now I'm completing 26 days and am at home bored. Traditionally this would be fertile ground for the fap fiend to creep in and attack. And admittedly I do feel like I want to feel a connection or to not be bored.

But right now what's stronger is my disgust and hatred for how fapping has negatively affected my life. I wish I never started this shit. I've been very lucky that I had great experiences in my 20s despite this nasty habit, but my 30s will see much greater things to come because I'm clean and free.