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Soooo about this resetting business....

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by DarthVader22, Aug 19, 2016.

  1. Hey guys, 26y.o male here. Just started nofap recently. Day 8 round 2 right now. Loving it.

    I just had a question about relapsing. Really, i just wanted to get peoples opinions on this topic really.

    The topic of relapsing. I read all the time on this site, how people masterbate one time and they reset their timer alll the way back to 0!! now i understand, you did kind of failed the challenge (90 days in this scenario) at this point but, do we just disregard all those days you didnt masterbate before relapsing?

    FOR EXAMPLE: Jimmy goes 30 days without bating it. 31rst day he bangs one out to a sears catalouge. So the next day is day 1 again? and we dont even put those earliar 30 days into consideration? I dont think thats fair!! Puts so much pressure on you to not relapse. The stakes are high.

    In that situation couldnt we just say... In 31 days hes only jerked it once. So as long as he makes it to day 61 and he makes it to 90 days abstinance?

    ALSO another question. What if Jimmy doesnt spank it, but he spends about an hour one day just looking at pictures of woman, fully clothed. Not provacative at all. Is that grounds for a reset?
     
  2. I meant, day 61 in *round 2*
     
  3. sorry guys, terible math and grammer on that one. it would be 60 more days. round 2.
     
  4. Jinx

    Jinx Fapstronaut

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    Not quite sure what the point of this thought experiment is...

    Most people have a goal for consecutive days. If you fee l like keeping track of total days instead, go for it.

    But let's say one alcoholic is sober for 60 days straight. The other has been sober for a total of 60 days but had a little bit of alcohol once or twice during then. With all else being the same, would you consider them both equally free from alcohol addiction?

    As for the staring at fully-clothed photos of women... Is it fueling your addiction and acting on your brain like porn is? If so, it is a reset. If not, it isn't.

    You decide your own goals. You decide what constitutes a reset. It really doesn't have to be complicated.

    If it is made too difficult or a challenge and is unrealistic, you will get discouraged and likely give up. If you make it too easy on yourself, it likely isn't going to do a whole lot.

    Just tailor your own personal program to your needs and what you want to accomplish.

    And then do it as many times as you need to. Or adjust accordingly.
     
    iHappy likes this.
  5. thanks for the reply. very helpful. :)
     
  6. I agree with your examples. the one guy HAS relapses and no they aren't equal.

    what I disagree with is that the one guy starts over and disregards all those clean days he had before. sure he relapsed and I think that contidtutes a reset buuuut. I think he should still take into consideration all those clean days he made it through.

    this whole "90 day challenge" shouldn't be so black and white.
    if you do 90 days nofap and you slip up once or twice. go to 93 days. boom your good. that's what I was trying to say. and I was just looking for others opinions that's all.
     
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Fapstronaut

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    It isn't discounted. At least not for me. I keep track of my longest streak (consecutive) and am proud of that amount. I still haven't hit my goal, but I am ok with that. And each attempt makes the next one easier. I can only succeed as much now because of my earlier resets.

    I am a bit of a weirdo, though. I like keeping track of my highest streak, but I actually care more about the average time in between resets.

    Say one guy goes 90-days consecutively without resetting. Another goes 30-days consecutively without resetting. Looking at averages time between resets shows a pretty big difference between the two if the second guy is able to go longer and longer between each of his resets but the other guy has his 90-days surrounded by lots of resets over short amounts of time. In that scenario, the guy with the lower consecutive day count seems better able to manage his issues.

    But that's just my take ;)
     
  8. hmm interesting take on that. I think I like that.
    it's all about time in between resets. hmmm

    I just hate to reset at all man. 90 days is already so long. what a big chunk of my life that is. and to keep resetting all the time. i think this thing is best done like ripping off a bandaid. get it doooone.

    this is what I wanted out of this post :) someone to give me their perspective on resetting.
    thanks for the reply again! very informative I must say sir :)
    I hope your current streak is going strong :)
     
  9. iHappy

    iHappy Guest

    @Jinx One Punch Man is amazing, can't wait for season 2.

    @DarthVader22 Why 90 days? Because people think they will be completely cured from this addiction if they abstain from porn for 90 days. That might be true in some cases but in most, 90 days is not enough. That is why some people are so hard on themselves and they will reset their counters even because of a slightest slip up.

    As you can see from my counter I am on day 40. Let's say I PMO today. Would I reset my counter? Yes I would!
    But...what you do after that relapse matters most in the terms of the damage you did with relapse.
    If I binge and PMO for the next 2-3 days, than I would consider all my progress to be lost. Completely! Sure, I was clean for 40 days, but that is history.
    On the other hand, if I stop after that one PMO and go for another 40+ days streaks, than that relapse wouldn't mean much.
    It all depends on how fast you get up.

    As for the counter, fuck the counter. The most important thing is to recover.
    The only reason I am using counter is because it motivates me. But the truths is, days are only the numbers. Some of us needs less and some need more time to recover.

    Good luck.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2016
  10. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    There are two aspects:

    a) as you say, we should look more on what we achieved. Let's say, someone relapses one day every month. Then in a full year, you have 12 days of relapse, but 353 days of freedom! This means that 97% of your time is fap-free! That's a great achievement!

    b) However, in order to truly rewire your brain, long streaks are needed. A relapse means that your brain is reset to old memory, and thus, it is harder for the brain to install the new pattern.

    Also, scenario a) is probably unrealistic. That's because a relapse often leads to binging, and it is hard to start over. Thus, it is unrealistic that someone only relapses one day per month. Therefore, the idea should still be to aim for long streaks.
     
    iHappy likes this.
  11. So helpful! thank you ihappy! i especially like the remark about "fuck the counter". To me it seems like if you put too much attention on the counter, it can REALLY put alot of pressure on you, and when you relapse, it will make you relapse harder.
    I like the idea of just "getting better" AS LONG AS IT TAKES. fuck the counter. The counter is just to keep a rough estimate of your progress.

    Your replies are always appreciated. Thank you,
    I hope your still going with your journey.
     
    iHappy likes this.
  12. Good reply thank you. :) that helps clear some of my questions.
     

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